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Relationship Rescue: Get Your Head Outta the Sand!

For the four Mondays in November, we’ll be attempting a relationship rescue. Even if you aren’t in a relationship, this can help you for the next time you are.

Like the ostrich, many times it is easier to bury our heads in the sand and not confront the sometimes ugly truth. It isn’t that we don’t see the signs that a relationship is in trouble. Most often, we choose a different interpretation.

Yet, on a certain level, a deeper level, we know that something is seriously wrong. Not only is it wrong, but it is probably also complicated, messy and unpleasant to deal with. So we ignore it or make excuses for it.

Of course, I’m talking about infidelity but I’m also talking about more than that. Cheating isn’t the only problem that relationships encounter. There are a myriad of things from abuse to addiction and even indifference or feelings of overwhelm to contend with.

Whatever the issue, ignoring it won’t make it better. You have to deal with it in all its ugly, complicated and messy glory. This requires both honesty and openness. You need to be honest about what you are feeling and what you are experiencing. However, you need to be open to the other person’s feelings and experiences. My Aunt Linda told me a long time ago not to ask a question if you weren’t ready for the answer … especially because it might not be the one you want.

Yet, you have to get down and dirty if you want to get to the bottom of things … and you have to get to the bottom before you can start your rise to the top again.

Relationships, be they romantic, professional or personal, go from bad to worse when issues are allowed to fester and worsen. An wound needs to be treated and bandaged so that it can heal. It won’t get better on it’s own. The antiseptic you use to clean the wound will hurt and the bandage to protect it might be uncomfortable but in the end, it is a pain and discomfort that is necessary to cleanse the wound and let the healing begin.Re

Finish Strong

It's November and we're in the final stretch of 2013. However, the year ain't over yet. There is still time to finish strong. Those goals you set at the beginning of the year are still within your reach. Even if it's not possible to complete your goal in two months, you can at least get a good start and gain some momentum.

• You might not be able to lose 50 pounds but you can lose 10.
• You can start that workout routine.
• You can begin putting a little money aside every paycheck.
• You can order a few college catalogs.
• You can try again to quit smoking or stop another bad habit.

It's not to late. You can still finish strong!

Relationship Rescue: Speaking the Same Language

For the four Mondays in November, we’ll be attempting a relationship rescue. Even if you aren’t in a relationship, this can help you for the next time you are.

A relationship is always difficult. It will always be work … hopefully, mostly fun and rewarding work, but work just the same. When you think about it, it’s a miracle that two people ever come together. There are so many factors to consider: attraction, chemistry, values, location, baggage, issues, finding the person for you is hard!

But even when you have found that person, The One, the road isn’t always sunny and smooth. It’s possible, after everything, that you are The One aren’t even speaking the same language! In his best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman determines five ways people want to be loved. Of course, we give love the way we want to receive love. The problem occurs when the way we want to be loved isn’t the same way the person we love want to be loved.

For instance, for many people gifts and receiving things is a sign of love. This person will naturally give gifts. However, the spouse may not place a high value on gifts, what they want is time. So frustration ensues. The person who wants gifts gets time and the person who wants time gets a lot of stuff. See the problem?

Here are the Five Love Languages

1. Words of Affirmation: This person wants to hear “I love you.” Thanking them for something they’ve done and telling them how you feel is what really matters.
2. Receiving Gifts: Whether it’s wrapped in a box or given in a bouquet, this person wants to see and receiving the tokens of your affection.
3. Acts of Service: This person wants their actions to speak for them. Cooking a meal for someone, taking the car for an oil change, these things are not just done out of necessity, they are done out of love.
4. Physical Touch: This is more than just the sex act. A touch on the shoulder, cuddling on the couch, holding hands, these are the signs that show this person they are loved.
5. Quality Time: This person doesn’t want things they want time spent together: on a drive, at the movies, over dinner, it’s the amount of time and quality of that time that matters.

Knowing your Love Language is only half the battle. You need to know your partner’s Love Language so that both of you can receive love in your own way.

Visit Chapman’s site at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. Click Discover Your Love Language across the time to find out what your Love Language is. (Mine is Acts of Service!)

At-Work Balance: Relationships Matter

As I mentioned last week, we spend more time at work than we do with our families. It stands to reason that, just like your family, there will be people that you like and 'just click' with and then there will be others you'd rather not see sitting across from you at the Thanksgiving table. Plus, there are a boatload of people in the middle that don't elicit strong reactions of any kind.

Your Work Bestie
You eat lunch together. You exchange emails all day. You hang out after work. They know your family. Most importantly, they know all of your business. This is your friend and if one of you left the job the friendship will continue. Yet, this relationship looks different to outsiders who might see that kind of closeness as unprofessional. If one of you gets promoted, people will be looking for favoritism.

While breaks and lunches are your time, in other areas and at other times (during meetings, training sessions) try to keep the camaraderie to a minimum. These are not the time to share inside jokes and tales of your weekend escapades. Keep those between the two of you and off of the clock.

Your Work Frenemy
This person rubs you the wrong way. You dread even passing them in the hall. Yet, there will be times when you have to work with them. Keep it professional and respectful. Don't complain about them to other co-workers (including your bestie). Watch your body language in this person's presence. Other people notice the frown, the sighs and the eye-rolling.

This is work, so let's keep it about the work. This one could be difficult though depending on why this person is a frenemy. If the person is a work-avoider and constantly pushes their work on you and others, make their role clear and get their buy-in in writing (email) so their responsibilities are clearly defined. If this person is condescending or a hot-head, do not back down. State your position but do it without getting emotional or frustrated (that is often the reaction that person is looking for)

The Middlers
These people are not the Bestie or the Frenemy and these are the majority of the people you deal with everyday. They watch your relationships with your Frenemy and Bestie. They are there for small talk and chit-chat. While they might not even be a blip on your radar, these are the people who determine what your work reputation is like. They take note of your frustration with your frenemy. They overhear the personal conversations between you and your bestie. They are a silent majority.

Be courteous and professional and focus on doing your work and doing it well. Don't give them any reason to question your work ethic, your integrity or your professionalism.

3 Tips for Self-Care

Peace through The Serenity Prayer

In the month of October, each Monday, I will be writing a post on gaining peace of mind.

A cornerstone of the 12 Step program, the Serenity Prayer is simple and straight-forward; but like a lot of things that are simple to understand, it is often very difficult to apply.

Acceptance
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

You cannot change anything but yourself. You are not responsible for or capable of changing someone else’s thought, moods, behaviors, perceptions, desires, motivations, beliefs or ideas. Yet, think about how much time we waste and how much frustration we create because we cannot accept someone else as they are. They don’t do what they think they should do so it becomes a problem.  If someone is grumpy in the morning, why get upset at their surliness? Why waste time trying to get them to change, especially if you know they’ll come around in about an hour and after they’ve had their coffee.

Most things about yourself you can change, but some things need to be accepted. You won’t be getting taller. You can’t change your race or ethnicity. You cannot change the family you were born into or the circumstances you grew up in. In fact, you can’t change the events of the past. It’s done. You can change how you perceive those events but that would take …

Courage
The courage to change the things I can

Yet, there are things you can change. Those begin with things within your control, things within yourself. You don’t have to do what you’ve always done. You can do something different. However, something different could very well mean something that opens you up to criticism or failure and that takes courage. Something different might mean stepping outside of your comfort zone and feeling awkward or making mistakes. This takes a significant level of personal bravery.

You cannot change others but you can speak up for yourself and you can offer solutions to situations that are within your control. However, your suggestions and your outspokenness might be met with hostility or even ridicule. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t say anything. It does mean that you’ll have to summon the courage to do so.

Wisdom
The wisdom to know the difference

This is the hard part. This is the part that makes something simple in explanation, difficult in practice. What is within your control to change and what isn’t? When do you need to accept or let go and when do you need to be brave and show the determination necessary to change?

I think some of this comes with age. Because we’ve grown in different areas and in different ways, I have lost some friendships over the years. When I was younger, I tried in vain to hold on to those friendships, eventually, I had to let them go.


A lot of this wisdom comes from being open to learning from your mistakes and the events in your life. I don’t believe that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger or wiser or better than you were before. For some, what doesn’t kill you just doesn’t kill you. However, for someone who is willing to learn and grow from there experiences, struggle can bring those qualities of strength, wisdom and betterment.

At-Work Balance

We hear a lot about work-life balance. However, there is another form of balance that is just as important though hardly ever mentioned. I call it At Work Balance.

There are 168 hours in a week. If we only get six hours of sleep a night, we lose 42 hours. We spend about 50 hours at work (time spent at work plus time commuting to and from work and time preparing for work). And that’s not factoring in any overtime!

We spend more time working than we spend with our families. So how we conduct that time is critical.

Until androids take over the world, humans are the ones that go to work and humans are not machines (a fact often lost on those in management). Humans are social animals. We interact with coworkers, clients, vendors and customers. We make small talk. We will react positively and negatively to the personalities of others. 

At-Work Balance seeks to navigate that minefield by setting some parameters for work behavior and, more importantly, work behaviors.

Over the next few weeks I want to explore this concept from a variety of angles:

• Workplace Relationships: You don’t want to be everyone’s best friend but at the same time you don’t want to close yourself off to the point where you alienate your co-workers.
• Time: Using break time and lunch time wisely and taking time required to just be human.
• Expectations: Realistic expectations for workloads and results should be shared by management and coworkers.

Realistic Expectations

In the month of October, each Monday, I will be writing a post on gaining peace of mind.

Your goals should always be slightly out of your reach … offering something for you to stress and strive for. However, they shouldn’t be so far out of your reach that you cannot possibly attain them. Unachievable goals set you up for failure and discouragement. In fact, it makes achieving any goals that much harder and having these kinds of goals wreaks havoc on your peace of mind.

I call it, The Biggest Loser Effect. On The Biggest Loser, it isn’t uncommon for people to lose five and even ten pounds in a week. So when we diet and exercise for that same week and only manage to lose just a pound (which is a healthy rate of weight loss), instead of feeling happy, we often agonize!

These people have devoted their entire days to losing weight. They work out for hours, they aren’t working, they are away from their families. Even the ones who get sent home, still have the powerful motivator of cameras chronicling their progress and the possibility of returning to the show in front of a national audience.

This is NOT the situation for you and me. We have jobs. We have lives that include cakes and cookies at work, dinners out with friends, church pot lucks and a host of social engagements, not to mention family and friends that aren’t into diet or exercise. We have busy schedules that don’t normally allow for hours of exercise every day.

Yet, we compare our success to this small, group of people who are going an extraordinary transformation with extraordinary circumstances.

You can apply The Biggest Loser Effect to any situation where you are looking at completely unrealistic expectations and wanting those kinds of results for yourself. Real life couples argue and go through rough patches. All office drama isn’t funny and inconsequential as it appears on a sitcom.

There is a quote from one of my favorite talk show host, Dennis Prager, and he is quoting a friend’s mom. She said, “The only happy people I know are people I don’t know very well.” Does this mean there are no happy people? Of course not. What it means is that truly happy people have a realistic happiness, there are still obstacles. There are still struggles but they have happiness in spite of those things. They aren’t living in paradise. They live in real life.

Me Time!

In the month of October, each Monday, I will be writing a post on gaining peace of mind.

To paraphrase a common slogan. There is an 'I' in the word time and there is also a 'ME'! So it makes sense that we can be a little selfish with our time. We make time for everything and everyone else, we need to make time for ourselves. It can be as simple as a half-hour reading a book, taking a short walk or a warm bath, having a power nap or treating yourself to a good movie. We need to make time at least once a week (and that is minimum) to do something for ourselves.

The quanitity of time isn't as important as the quality of time. To do this though, we need to stop thinking of not having time for ourselves as some sort of badge of honor. In too many case, we look at doing too much or making too many sacrifices as a good thing; it shows our dedication. Yet, not taking time to rest and rejuvenate can make you fray around the edges. Your patience is short and if this goes on for too long you become resentful of the life you want so much.

You can make some time for yourself but it involves letting go of control and the desire for perfection - delegation. Spouses, family members, friends and even older children can be given some of your responsibilities. But you need to be able to let go. Here are three suggestions to make delegation easier.

1. Communicate your expectations but give some leeway. Let your son know that a clean kitchen means a swept floor, clean counter tops, no dishes in the sink and the garbage emptied. Let him know the time frame for completing that task (every night, after dinner before bedtime).Then allow him to do those things in his own way. Don't criticize because they do things differently or in another order than you. Focus on the end result and not the means for getting there.

2. Set a realistic bar. If you look for perfection both you (the delegator) and the one doing the work (the delegatee) will just be frustrated. Have a standard that they can meet and you can be happy with.

3. Don't just delegate boring and tedious tasks. Cleaning the kitchen is never fun, but maybe planning and cooking a meal or two a week is. Give a variety of assignments.

4. Show gratitude. Let them know that you appreciate what they are doing. You don't need to gush about it or put a bumper sticker on the car that says "My daughter does her chores." But a kind and thoughful word can go a long way.

5. Make your needs known. Let family members know that you need their help so that you can carve out a little bit of time for yourself. The only way people will know what you need is if you tell them!

Learning to Let Go

In the month of October, each Monday, I will be writing a post on gaining peace of mind.

I said goodbye to my best friend less than a month ago. I also celebrated a birthday. Despite the Halle Berrys and Nace Graces of the world. At my age, it is probably time to move away from the dream of having my own kids. There are a ton of wonderful single mothers but I could never see myself choosing that route. Letting go is never easy but it is some times necessary.

No matter what I do, I cannot bring Marty back. Seeing as I'm not even dating, the chance of me having a kid are slim-to-none. So what to do now. How do I let go and move on?

I did some research and found these tips for letting go:

Accept the Truth and Be Thankful
With Marty, it's about being grateful. When it comes to kids, for me, it's more about acceptance. I am grateful for the almost 13 years of memories that I shared with Marty. He made me laugh on a daily basis! We were a good team. He added so much to my life and for that I will always be thankful. As far as kids go, I have had a wealth of incredible experiences and have been able to take advantage of a lot of amazing opportunities. I'm not sure I would have been able to do half of those things with a kid. The truth is now that I have to accept the fact that the choices I have made have led me to this point. There are other options but having my own baby, and family, the old-fashioned way isn't one of them.

Claim Ownership and Full Control Over Your Life
What happens now is up to me. It's not about anyone else. It's not about handing the reins over to someone else. If I need to let a dream die or find another one, those choices are mine and mine alone. There is no one else to blame and there is no one who can make my decisions for me.

Focus on Today
This is a big one for me. I can often get overwhelmed looking at the big picture. However, I have to remind myself that I can slow things down if I look at it one day, some times one hour at a time! I can't change what has happened and I cannot predict what will happen, all I can do is the best I can do right now!

The blog I 'borrowed' this from is a lot longer. If you'd like to read it in its entirety, click here.

Marty Beach: A Life Well Lived

It's been almost three weeks since my partner of 13 years passed away. He outlasted every relationship I've ever had and he was there for me. There have been many tears over the past few weeks. He was a 9-pound dog but he had such personality and zest for life. He left a positive impact on everyone he met. He even made friends at the vet. When I'd pick him up the doctors and vet assistants would come out to say goodbye.

As I grieve his passing, I keep remembering how much he hated to see me cry. He'd watch me like a hawk because he could sense I was upset. At the first sign of a tear, he'd jump into my lap and lick the tears away! If I was writing a painful entry in my journal, he could tell. He would come over to me and put his paw on top of my right hand as if to say, "Stop writing, it's making you sad."

I think of those moments often now. I know he wouldn't want to see me sad and crying. So I remember the two of us curled up on the sofa or taking a little drive. I remember all of the silly songs I'd make up and sing to him.

The end came quickly and unexpectedly. I don't want to talk more about it because I'll start crying again. People that don't get dogs probably think I'm being silly to miss a four-legged 9-pound canine. However, I've lost my constant companion and soul mate.

They say diamonds are a girl's best friend. Forget that. I'd gladly trade the world's biggest diamond for just another hour with my Marty.

Mistakes will be Made

For the month of September, every Monday I'll be sharing some reflections of forty something years of living!

So Far, So Good

Tonight will mark my fourth show on Get It Together Girl Radio. After a rocky start, I can see an improvement with every episode. I've realized that I really love doing a radio show. I love the actual show. I love recording promos. I love working with guests. I have found my passion.

But passion is nothing without commitment. And I am committed to growing my show, making it the best that it can be. What does this mean? It means that when I come home from my day job, I am working on my show in the evenings and on the weekends. It means that I am willing to invest what cash I have into promotion, advertising and what is needed to make my show better.

Commitment means seeking out the opinions of others and really listening to them, even if it means hearing something I don't like or agree with. Commitment means getting out of my comfort zone for the sake of my dream.

So ask yourself, what are you passionate about? Are you committed to doing what it takes to transform that passion from a nice idea to a tangible reality?

Put Yourself First

For the month of September, every Monday I'll be sharing some reflections of forty something years of living!

Last week, I spoke about my people-pleasing nature and how important it was for everyone to like me. I usually put other people first. I didn't want people to dislike me and I didn't like a lot of drama or friction, so I would sacrifice my happiness to make sure everything was running smoothly.

Over ten years ago, I was up late, working on a freelance project. I had accepted a ridiculous deadline and charged way below what the project was worth. I was tired. No, I was beyond tired. It was at this point that I had an epiphany. I realized that the only person struggling right now was me. The person who had hired me was probably fast asleep knowing that she was getting high-quality work for a fraction of the cost.

That brief, fleeting concept changed a lot of things. It was the beginning of me developing a backbone. I completed the assignment but when I turned it in I explained that the next time, with a deadline so close I would have to charge more ... or just say no. To my surprise, I wasn't met with anger or hostility. I actually got an apology.

I realized that when people ask for something, they realize that the answer might be 'no' and normally, that is okay with them. Denying a request wasn't a relationship ender. No one would hate me. I wasn't burning bridges. However, I was taking care of myself. People said no to me and I didn't have such extreme reactions.

So now when people ask me for something and I cannot accommodate their request, I can say no or counter with an offer that I can accomplish.

I've realized the importance of putting myself first. I know now that if I don't no one else will.

Everyone Doesn't Have to Like Me

For the month of September, every Monday I'll be sharing some reflections of forty something years of living!

I half-jokingly tell people that I am 'naturally popular'. I am an extrovert and have never had a problem meeting people and making friends. It's always been this way. Yet when I was younger, I'd say until my early 30's, I needed everyone to like me. When someone didn't, I'd wreck my brain trying to figure out why.

This also made me a people pleaser. I didn't want to have anyone upset with me. I became the girl who couldn't say no. If a friend was in a bind or needed something, I would be there ... even if it set me back. As a freelance writer, I would undercharge and accept unrealistic deadlines.

Then, one night when I was up late working on a project where I had agreed to do too much work for too little money and with not enough time that I came to a realization, actually two.

1. The only person suffering with these unrealistic expectations was me. Everyone else was getting what they wanted.
2. The world wouldn't end if I pushed back a little. Other people said no, so why couldn't I?

So I started doing a better job of setting boundaries. I was shocked to realize that I didn't lose friends and people didn't hate me if I said I couldn't do something. I also realized the power of the counter-offer. I can't do what you asked but this is what I can do. 

Because people pleasing is in my nature, I occasionally find myself doing too much for the people in my life but it doesn't happen as frequently (i.e. all the time).

I also realized that it is okay if people don't like me. Maybe it is me and maybe it's them. Either way, it is nothing to lose sleep over.

Relationships End

For the month of September, every Monday I'll be sharing some reflections of forty something years of living!

In high school, I thought I'd have the same friends for life. I had four girlfriends and I imagined us growing old together a la The Golden Girls. Today, I am only good friends with one of them. The rest of us just grew apart. It used to make me sad. Now I just accept it as a part of life.

Even with my best friend, the only relationship from that gang of four that lasted, things have changed. I've moved a bajillion times and haven't lived in my hometown for decades now. She's gotten married and had kids. Things have changed. Yet, at the same time, we've grown and matured along a similar path. This has allowed us to remain close as zip codes, careers and marital statuses have changed.

Over the years, people have come into my life and left just as quickly. Others have forged a strong bond with me similar to that I'd had back in my high school days. I've realized that there is a lot of truth to that saying that some people are only in your life for a reason and some for a season.

Another thing I've realized about relationships is that water truly does seek its own level. No matter where I've lived - Ohio, Maryland, California, Arizona or North Carolina, my friends have always shared a set of similar characteristics. It seems odd but I seem to attract the same kinds of people. And the amazing thing is that they are all good people!

Still some of us briefly crossed paths and a few of them have remained in my life. For all of them, I am grateful.

Even when a relationship runs its course, it doesn't mean that it is a bad thing. Some things just end and there is no judgement to it, it's just life.

It's Here: Get It Together Girl Radio!

Tonight is the night.  After months of planning and preparation, I am launching my own BlogTalkRadio show with Get It Together Girl Radio! Like the workbooks, the show will focus on the little things you can do and changes you can make that will make a major difference in your life.

We'll talk about organization and time management (but I promise you it won't be boring!). We'll talk about relationships (not just romantic ones but family, friends and workplace relationships too). We'll talk about health and wealth. We'll talk about setting and achieving goals and living your dreams!

This is sort of like coming full circle for me. My degree is in broadcast journalism and I worked in radio for several years after college. However, eating shouldn't be optional and cars run better on gas than fumes so I made a career change. People who know me know that this project makes sense for me and the person that I am. A radio show is definitely within my wheelhouse. For me, it is living a dream.

I am truly excited about this. I'm lining up great guest, covering amazing topics and looking forward to calls from listeners and chatting with them.

The live show airs Thursday nights at 8:00 p.m. (EST). If you miss the live show, you can always visit the archive and replay the show when it is convenient by going to www.blogtalkradio.com/getittogethergirl

I hope you share even a little bit of the my enthusiasm. I would love to hear your voices on the show. Call in! Chat with me!

Also if you or anyone you know would be interested in being a guest, email me at karyn @getittogethermedia.com.

What Our Parents Taught Us

Eventually most parents have that moment when they realize that they said something to their kids that their parents had said to them. I don't even have kids but I know I have had those moments with kids in my family.

My mom died when I was fifteen. At that time, she'd try to talk to me and impart some wisdom and life lessons. I would often roll my eyes or think to myself, "What could you possibly know about anything?!?" It took a few years but I realized as I got older that she did know what she was talking about most of the time. Since then, barely a day has passed when I haven't heard her words in my head. I've even found myself sharing some of her advice with friends and co-workers.

I think it is a sign of maturity when we begin to see our parents as real humans and not superheroes. It's also a sign when we can learn from them, both what they got right and what they got wrong.

Learning from your parents involves working what they did right into your own life; taking their advice and their lessons as your own. However, it also involves looking at what they did wrong and making the decision to do things differently. You do not have to make the mistakes of your parents your mistakes and, ultimately, your children's mistakes.

The cycle of abuse is a cycle because we feel powerless to do anything different. Our parents dysfunction becomes our dysfunction because it is what we know. We know what we know and the unknown always looks scary and difficult - even if what we know isn't very good.  Yet, it doesn't have to be. We can choose to do something different, to have something different and to be something different. This doesn't mean it will be an easy path to take or a quick solution to your problems.

Breaking the cycle could involve confronting your accusers, seeking professional help or just being aware of your actions and the decisions you are making. If you need to so something, whatever it is, do it. Just remember that you have to do through the rain to get to the rainbow. Your hard work will pay off for you, your children and your children's children. It is worth the effort.

Catfish

It's not just a tasty seafood dish (especially when it is fried!). The phenomenon of 'catfishing' is something that could only happen to the extent and frequency it does in our 21st century cyber-society. A catfish is someone who lures someone into a relationship by pretending to be someone they are not. They use other people's photos, make up elaborate lives and lies and actually develop relationships with people using these fake identities.

The MTV show Catfish is all about getting the catfish to fess up and meet the person they have been stringing along. We are well into the second season and so far there has only been one couple who were who they said they were. Everyone else is found out to be a fake. Some of them are purposely being deceptive but most tell a similar story. They were unhappy with themselves and created this fake persona to feel better about themselves. They fell into a relationship and didn't know how to get out of it once they were so far in.

It is scary that so many young people feel this badly about themselves that they would go to this extreme. Honestly I don't understand how pretending to be someone else - someone "better-looking" or thinner or "more interesting" can help you feel better about yourself. I certainly don't understand how stringing some unwitting and unknowing person along could be seen as a positive move for the 'catfish'.

On the other hand, the person being duped often ignores flagrant signs and continues in this 'relationship' often for years. Yes, these people enter into exclusive relationships with people they have never met.

The need for acceptance and love is so strong among these people that they are willing to live a lie or accept the lies they are being told.

It's sad really and I don't know what to tell these people. Maybe I'd tell them that - only real life is real. To the catfish I'd say that life isn't not always happy or fun or what we want it to be. Being someone else isn't an option. To the person being catfished I'd say that avoiding the truth isn't an option either. Believing lies will never make them the truth no matter how hard you believe them.

I watch the show because it is as fascinating as it is sad.