Cold Hard Truth: Not Everyone Wants to be Happy

The Cold Hard Truth is a five-week series designed to discuss things that people don’t really want to hear but need to!

Cold Hard Truth: Not everyone wants to be happy. We assume everyone does but misery does love company. Misery is looking for cohorts and not a change of heart.

A little unhappiness is not a bad thing; in fact, it is a necessary thing. It is a reality. No one is happy all the time (without lots of drugs). We all go through tough times, disappointments, grief, anger. We always will. I’m not talking about a bad mood or a tough patch. I’m talking about people who are chronically unhappy and who want to remain that way.

The unhappy come alive when they are complaining and when things aren’t working right (for themselves or others). They come up with reasons why they don’t want to change – why they don’t look for a better job or relationship. The truth of the matter is that they don’t try to change because they don’t want to.

There are benefits from being unhappy. Unhappy people get the attention and effort from happy people. After all, they want to turn them around. Some unhappy people actually enjoy the attention.

The relentless search for perfection is another source of unhappiness. If there is a problem or even a blemish in an otherwise pristine situation, then it isn’t good enough. Their attention immediately goes to the imperfection. They dwell on it. They make it bigger than it is and that becomes a source of unhappiness.
Ironically, many people consider this a good thing. The search for perfection, in their minds, pushes them to do better or have more. In a sense, this can be true but after a point, this philosophy yields fewer results an d the damage it causes far outweighs any benefits.

Some people choose unhappiness because of the drama associated with it. The feelings of disappointment, sadness and frustration can become so commonplace that they become habitual. These people feel happiness as almost second nature.

Regardless of the reason (attention, perfection, habit), some people are comfortable staying right where they are. If you know someone like this, who steadfastly does not want to change, then your goal becomes not letting them change you. Accept them for who they are but do not let their mood or outlook affect you. It doesn’t have to be contagious.