Without a Safety Net

No one wants to see anyone fall or fail. The very definition of family and friends involves supporting one another and helping each other get through the hard times. Yet, there are some times when the best thing we can do as a friend or family member is to remove the safety net of support and let someone fall.

When our help no longer helps, we are approaching that time. Your loved one could be dealing with addiction. They could be facing the consequences of some questionable decisions. They could just have a history of selfish behaviors that suck the life out of everyone around them.

We need to let our loved one face the consequences of their choices and behavior. When we play the role of the clean-up crew - mopping up messes and fixing what's broken - we remove the accountability from the person who's made the mess in the first place. We allow them to believe that their situation isn't as as bad as it really is. 

Removing support can, ironically, be the most supportive thing you can do. It allows the person to get a true, unvarnished look at themselves and their situation. However, removing support is not the same as removing love. When you love someone you want the best for them; you want to see them happy. Unfortunately, sometimes we need to let the other person go through the worst so they can get to the best.

At the same time you are removing support, you also want to be sure that you are seeking support - the support of family and friends who can be there for you during this difficult time. These are the people who will reaffirm your decision to love toughly when you have your doubts. They will be there with a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Having these people in your corner is essential.


Ultimately, we all have only one life to live and that is ours. We can't live for someone else, take their pain or right their wrongs. When you have done all you can do several times over, you have to let that person go. Hopefully, they will come back.