Win in 2010: Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself!

This is the third in a six part series called Win in 2010 designed to help readers stick to their goals and make the most out of the New Year.

I love, love, love doing this part in my goal-setting workshop. When I tell people to “Stop shoulding all over themselves!” I always get a few double-takes and startled expressions. Of course, those people thought I said something else! LOL!

Basically a should goal is a goal that isn’t your goal as much as it is someone else’s. Your doctor says you should stop smoking. All the magazines and your skinny-minny sister tell you that you should lose some weight. Your father tells you that you should stop renting and buy a house. I think you get the picture. Sometimes it isn’t even another person, it’s something for some reason that you think you should do.

If any of those things are things you really want for yourself, great – that’s a real goal. But, if you are motivated by what you think or someone else thinks you should do, then you’re in trouble. Setting a should goal is a recipe for failure. No one succeeds at something they should do. Success comes when it’s something you want to do.

You start a goal with all the desire and good intentions in the world and then it (life) happens. Those shoes are calling to you even though they aren’t in your budget. Speaking of splurging, the cupcakes at the baby shower are singing their lovely siren call and beckoning you to take one (or two). Maybe the bed feels just too good and you want to roll over for another hour instead of getting up and working out. That’s when your motivation kicks in. That’s when your desire to succeed is going to get you over the hurdle or get you back up and in the race should you fall off track.

Should goals have no motivation. In fact, should goals often come with resentment. It’s not what you your goal and you really don’t want it anyway. So you find a reason to buy the shoes (they do match that one outfit you have perfectly), or eat the cupcakes (you don’t want to be rude, after all), and your ankle might have been a little tight yesterday and you don’t want to injure yourself!

If any goal on your list is one that you should do and not what you want to do cross it off. Get rid of it! Should goals make it harder for you to achieve your real goals. They slow down your momentum. They zap your energy and that energy zap can be contagious and before you know it, you find yourself putting the brakes on the goals you really want to go for.

So again, stop shoulding on yourself!