Keys to Happiness: It's a Choice, Part 1

Forget your troubles come on get happy! For this six week series, we'll discover some of the keys to happiness!

My mornings run pretty smoothly. Since it’s just me and the dog, there isn’t a lot that can get in my way in the morning. I get up work out, walk the dog, get dressed and head out the door. However, there are times when everything does not go as smoothly as planned.

A few months ago, I had a particularly bad start, Murphy and his darned law must have been hovering over my shoulder. I walked the dog and as I was picking up after him, I stepped in something that another pet owner had left behind (gross!). After I handled the messy shoes, I went to fix my morning coffee and knocked the entire travel mug over sending coffee spilling all over the counter top and the floor. Well, now I’m running late; so it’s inevitable that I would run into traffic!

As I sat in traffic, I called my boss and let her know I was running late. Next, I put on some music and called a friend who I knew was also on her way to work. We agreed that days that start off that bad have to get better. We didn’t project that the day was going to get worse.

When I got to work, I decided to be grateful that I got there in one piece. With the day I was having, it could have been worse.

Finally, when I walked through those doors, I visualized putting the bad things behind me and leaving them out there in the parking lot. Our moods are close to us, so close in fact, that it can be hard to change them, but it’s worth the effort. I ended up having a good day that day and I think it’s because I made the choice to have a better day.

So here are some tips for choosing happiness.

1. Realize that bad days and silly circumstances happen. Take a deep breath and move on. I was on a schedule and I didn’t have time to curse the dog that left the package or to cry over spilled coffee. When I felt the frustration creeping in, I actually said to myself “Crap happens. Deal with it. Keep it moving!”

2. Prepare for it. In the car, I called my boss and informed her I’d be late. I also called another co-worker and told her I’d be a minute or two late for our meeting. By making those quick calls, I alleviated a lot of worry and stress.

3. Find the humor in it. Can you believe I actually stepped in poop while going to pick up some poop? My friend and I had a good laugh about it on the phone.

4. Resist the urge to make things worse. “Why do these things always happen to me?” “Nothing ever goes right!” This is going to be a terrible day!” All of those kinds of statements just make a bad situation that much worse.

5. Use some mood changers. No not drugs and alcohol! LOL! By playing music I enjoyed in the car and calling an even-tempered friend, I diffused what could have been a bad situation.

You have a choice and you can choose to be happy. Sometimes you might choose to feel frustration or anger or sadness. That’s fine … as long as you recognize that the choice is yours!

Beam Me Up Scotty!

I remember watching Star Trek as a child. The relationship between Spock and Kirk was an interesting one. As a Vulcan (half Vulcan to be correct), Dr. Spock could be completely logical. His worldview didn’t include emotion or feeling or desire - all of the things that seemed to fuel Captain Kirk.

It’s easy to forget that people are not computers. We are motivated by emotion. Our responses are often based on our feelings. We follow our instincts. We need more than reason and logic to get by.

Recently, I read an article about declining morale in the American workplace. Since the recession began, employees have often been blindsided by layoffs and firings; living on less in the wake of salary freezes and decreases in benefits (or higher benefit prices); grieving the loss of co-workers while absorbing their workloads.

What I found incredible were the comments of a few business owners and managers. They said that these employees should stop whining and be ‘grateful’ that they have a job and a paycheck. That’s the Vulcan response. Logically, a job and a paycheck should be enough.

We all need to recognize our humanity. Employers aren’t hiring robots or Vulcans. They are hiring good old human beings who have good and bad days, likes and dislikes. And it goes beyond the workplace. Kids have tantrums. Adults gripe, sulk or get angry. Spouses, friends and family members disagree and hurt each other’s feelings. None of us are perfect. None of us are cold, calculating machines. Heck, we are who we are and that’s what makes life interesting.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to be cold, calculating and completely logical. I like my quirks, my moods and my emotions. I can be angry, depressed or disappointed but I can also be happy, content and hopeful. You cannot have one without the other and I gladly endure the bad stuff because the good stuff is right there with it.

Keys to Happiness: No Catastrophizing

Forget your troubles come on get happy! For this six week series, we'll discover some of the keys to happiness!

Catastrophizing? Think of a small snowball at the top of a mountain. As it rolls down, it picks up more snow and gets bigger. As it rolls, it also gets faster as it picks up momentum. Soon the snowball is huge as it barreling towards the bottom of the mountain at a break-neck pace.

Now, imagine a bad day at work. Your boss is not happy with something you submitted. It wasn't what he was looking for at all. You leave the meeting, shaken. Even though he sat down with you, told you what was wrong, how to fix it and gave you a few days to get it together, you are lost in thought as you drive home.

What will happen if you can't fix the report. What if you lose your job? In this economy, what will happen if you can't find another one? You only have so much in savings and your whole household budget is based on two incomes. Money is already a stressor at home. By your calculations, your saving will be depleted in three months.

What then? You might lose your house. Maybe you'll lose your marriage. As you pull into the driveway, you imagine you and the kids checking into a homeless shelter.

That's catastrophizing. A bad report (a snowball) spiraled into divorce and homelessness (a major snow boulder!). Catastrophizing is how we use our vivid imaginations to make bad things worse ... and before they even happen.

The best way to handle catastrophizing is to place your focus back on the original problem. The commute home from work would have been better spent reviewing the boss's suggestions. What can you do differently? Is there anyone who can help? Can you shift your schedule around so you can go in earlier or stay later? What can you do the next time to make sure you understand exactly what he's looking for. These are the kinds of questions that will empower you and not derail you.

If you find that snowball getting bigger, stop and question it. What are the chances of you really losing your job over this? Will your spouse really leave you? Do you think you'll actually end up in a homeless shelter?

Think of your imagination as you would electricity. It can illuminate a city or power an electric chair. The electircity hasn't changed. It's the application that is dramatically different. Let your imagination be a tool for good, a tool that empowers and motivates. Let it light up your life.

And by all means, keep your snowballs small!

Seizing the Day ... for Couples

A commenter recently asked me an interesting question. She asked, "Any suggestions for your readers who try to seize the day, but their partners don't? How can they make changes in their relationship with the person they love if that person refuses to move forward?"


I would say to seize it anyway. It could be that your partner doesn't think that seizing the day would be worth the effort. Maybe he (or she) thinks enjoyment takes time away from meaningful work. But do what you need to do for you and it's entirely possible that your spouse may come around.

Once he sees how the benefits of seizing and enjoying the day are working for you, he may be willing to give it a try. Like it or not, people are always watching us. Living our truth is the best proof. If you talk about seizing the day but spend that day griping and complaining then those actions, and not your words, will be what people see. If your partner sees you enjoying yourself and really living your words, they might decide to join in.

Involve them in your activities. Find things that you both enjoy and can indulge in together. It's hard to get a guy to go to a chick flick. While that might be your idea of fun, to him, it would be more akin to a seizure than actually seizing the day! LOL! Share in an experience that both of you want to experience together.

Consider his concerns. Maybe he thinks that seizing the day is too time-consuming or expensive. Show him how to seize a few hours instead of a whole day or how to seize the day on a budget.

But. ...

If he doesn't join you, that doesn't mean that you should give up on seizing the day for yourself. Don't let someone else's sour attitude sour yours. Find some ways to seize the day on your own or with other friends or family. Of course we want to experience the best things in life with our partners, but just because they aren't on board doesn't mean you need to jump ship. Your happiness and your peace of mind (and even your health) are at stake and you shouldn't sacrifice those for anyone.

Keys to Happiness: Realistic Expectations

Forget your troubles come on get happy! For this six week series, we'll discover some of the keys to happiness!

Several years after I had graduated from college, I was part of a career fair where I discussed a career in radio. When I asked the teens what kind of radio career they wanted, many had the same answer. They wanted to dee jay at a top station in New York.

When I pressed them further, I found their career plans to be rather straight-forward. Attend college. Work at the college radio station. Graduate. Move to New York City and be the morning drive deejay at a popular radio station.

Truthfully, I told them they'd have to work up to working in New York - the number one radio market in the country. Truthfully, they'd have to start in smaller markets, gain experience and hone their crafts before making it to The Big Time.

Some were discouraged, thinking that all that work sounded hard and not much fun. Others were determined they'd be the exception.

My intent was not to discourage, dissuade or detour anyone but to create realistic expectations. Realistic expectations are an antidote to frustration. Truthfully, most success takes time and realistic expectations allow you to buckle down for a long ride.

They also give you milestones you can get excited about. These smaller, more achievable goals make happiness and excitement possible. Happiness comes in savoring the steps and small victories on the pathway to success.

Whether your goal is losing weight, saving money, going back to school, getting married, going on the trip of a lifetime, or dominating the airwaves in the Big Apple, the first key to your success and happiness around that subject is to set realistic expectations.

Ask any overnight success and he'll tell you that success happened over many nights!

Keys to Happiness: Seize the Day!

Forget your troubles come on get happy! For this six week series, we'll discover some of the keys to happiness!

Every day is a new day. It's an opportunity to learn something new, see something you have never seen or do something you've never done. You aren't promised another one, so treat every day as if it's your last.

Of course, every day won't be a completely life-altering event, but every day can move you closer to your goals, bring you closer to your loved ones or teach you something new. Opportunity abounds, we just have to take advantage of it.

What are you doing with your day? If your days all blend together in a haze of monotony, it's time for a change. At first it will be hard to battle the inertia, but once you get started, it will get easier.

Make a little time every day to talk to your kids and your partner. Have a real conversation - that means you talk and you listen. And "Nothing" isn't an acceptable answer to what you did today. If your days aren't that exciting, talk about something else: a television show, an upcoming event, a family issue, or current events. Make time to learn about one another, and when possible, laugh a little together.

Are you making daily progress towards your goals? If you want to write the Great American Novel, do something today that moves you closer to that goal. Write a page or two. Research your topic. Start looking into publishers. Just do something!

Are you creating memories? Again, everyday won't be memorable, but you'll be surprised at what people (especially kids) remember. I had a long talk with my dad a while ago. He apologized for working so much when I was a kid and not spending enough time with me.

The funny thing was I didn't remember it that way. I told him about the time he crawled under the kitchen table to get me when I was scared of a bad thunderstorm. I told him story after story about our summer trips to Georgia. I told him about watching he and my mom hand dance and how he would grab me and tried to teach me how to do it. Those were things he had forgotten, but they meant the world to me. You never know when memories are being created.

Today is your day. Savor it. Enjoy it. Make the most of it.

Walk then Run

The road to weight loss for me has not been an easy one. So, recently I decided to add a running program to my weight loss plan. Now this is a huge deal for me. I have not run since my 10th grade gym teacher made me run a mile to pass gym (and I was sick that day). Since then, the only things I run are bath water and my mouth! I don’t run for the bus, I’ve never run for office. Run, for me, should be runn because it's definitely a four letter word!


So I went online and looked up a walk-to-run program. Over 10 weeks, you start with short intervals of running (jogging) followed by time walking. During the program, each week, you increase your run time and decrease your walk time. At the end of the 10 weeks, you’re running 20 minutes without stopping. Since I’m not really ready to walk/run outside, I decided to start with my treadmill first while I build up some endurance.


I called a good friend of mine and shared with her my excitement about my new plan. My friend, a former runner immediately jumped in and tried to help. She wanted to know how fast I’d be running. She didn’t really see the point of all those intervals. She suggested I start running outside because that’s better than running on a treadmill. There were tons of things I needed to do or hadn’t considered. It was sort of overwhelming.


All of the sudden, I wasn’t excited anymore. As I felt my enthusiasm waning, I stopped myself and then I stopped her. I told her I appreciated her help and her advice. And I’m sure she’s probably right about everything BUT …


I just want to get started.


Sure there might be better, more technical ways to begin but this was my way and as I see it, some running is better than no running. Running (or jogging) faster than I would walk is a good thing. As my confidence grows, I’ll venture outside, but right now, as a struggle through running for 30 seconds before stopping, I would feel too self-conscious to run past neighbors or at the gym. I don’t want perfection, I just want a start.


She understood and I told her that I would be seeking her advice or even a running buddy on down the line but right now I just needed to begin.


My victory isn’t in running flawlessly, my victory is in running at all.