Bye, Bye Borders

I am heartbroken by the demise of my favorite bookstore. I loved shopping in Borders Books! I can’t tell you how many times I came across a great book just because I was browsing the shelves. I could buy it, grab a cup of coffee and get started reading it immediately (and not have to wait days on the postman). Don’t get me wrong, Amazon is great. Heck I publish and sell my books through Amazon. Yet, there is something about the Borders experience that I will definitely miss.

One of my best friends and I had a ritual. Every time I’d go home for a visit, we’d meet up at Borders. We’d browse the shelves, discuss the books and have a few good laughs. Next, we head downstairs for lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant. What will we do now?

But the demise of Borders goes a lot deeper than my personal enjoyment. I worry about the overwhelming dominance of all things Internet. I liked going to Borders. I liked chatting up other bibliophiles. I liked picking up the books and flipping through the pages. I liked having that cup of coffee surrounded by other readers. I liked walking out of the store with my books in hand. I get none of that with an Internet purchase done in the silence and security of my own home. Sure, I can browse, but it isn’t the same.

Call me old-fashioned but I actually like getting out of the house. I like seeing other people. I like talking to other people. Sadly, I think those experiences are dying. We can download movies from the comfort of our homes through Netflix. We can buy books, clothes and just about everything else online. Who needs to actually see or speak to friends when you can Facebook, Tweet or text them? Kids don’t play outside anymore. They stay at home watching movies, playing video games and going online.

It isn’t surprising to me that common courtesy is becoming increasingly uncommon. Behind the anonymity of the computer, we don’t have to be nice, considerate or courteous. Is it any wonder that we are becoming less nice, considerate and courteous in the ‘real’ world?

A trip to the grocery store often illustrates my point in vivid color. As I look over the shelves for my favorite products, increasingly the people who walk in front of me can’t even mutter an “Excuse me.” As I check out, often the cashier doesn’t even make eye contact. At the end of the exchange, instead of telling me how much I owe, on many occasions, I’m expected to view my balance on the register. I’m not saying this happens all the time but it happens much too frequently.

I shudder to think about where all of this is headed.

I guess for now, I’ll have to find a Barnes and Nobles to get my book fix, still it won’t be the same.

Time with Dad

My father made the trip from Cleveland to Charlotte last week. I love when he comes down because it’s the only Daddy-Daughter time we get together. Yes, I’m a 42-year old woman but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy time with my Daddy!

As a single woman with no significant significant other, we spent the first day and a half checking items off of my Daddy-Do list. When you don’t have a Honey to complete the Honey-Do tasks, you keep a list and wait for Dad to come to town! My father is a serious fix-it man and he enjoys taking care of those little repairs and household tasks. I also enjoy helping him. I always have. Over the years, I’ve become quite handy around the house and with the car and it all comes from watching and helping my dad.

We saw a movie. We walked together. I showed him around Charlotte. Basically, I enjoyed spending time with him. We talked and laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company. A while back, my dad was concerned that he couldn’t leave me a small fortune. He said he was getting older and he wanted to make sure I’d be okay if he was no longer here. His single-minded focus on ‘providing’ for me was having an adverse affect on our relationship.

I told him that he didn’t have to worry about ‘providing’ for me. I wasn’t concerned about him making lots of money for me as much as I was concerned about him making memories with me. First of all, I’m a grown woman and I do okay for myself. Secondly, if my Dad was no longer here, I’d rather have memories than money. We made a lot of good memories this weekend.

Once a Daddy’s Girl, always a Daddy’s Girl.

Forgive and Forget ... Maybe!

I found this video by Dr. Paul that talks about forgiving and forgetting. He takes a realistic approach that states there may be some things that aren't forgiveable or that you don't want to forget. His focus is on relationships but what he says can be applied to a lot of different situations.



I would add that if you have one of those Level 10 issues and you don't feel as if you can forgive or forget, you still need to find a way to come to terms with what happened and who did it, so that your anger doesn't fester and end up eating you alive.

I'm curious as to what you all think about forgiving and forgetting. Please comment.

(Oh, and for the record, I don't get the whole martini glass thing either!)

Who Needs a Coach?

Last week, I went over why I became a life coach. Life coaching is a rather new phenomenon, only a few decades old, so many times I end up educating people on what exactly a life coach is and isn't.


The operative word for me is coach. If you've ever played or watched sports you know that the coach supervises the practices, makes sure the athlete is properly conditioned, works with the athletes on the plays and strategies. All of this is done before the game. During the game, they are on the sidelines offering encouragement, working on the strategies and the plays, making last minute adjustments.


Life coaches do the same thing. The difference is that what we do doesn't culminate in a big game, it culminates in big changes to your life. In some cases, I've had clients work towards a specific goal like preparing for a major presenation, or the completion of a business plan or finding a job. In other cases, they are working with me on things that aren't so clearly defined. They want to manage their time better or be more assertive.


In either case, my role is the same. I work with them on plans and strategies for reaching that goal. I encourage them and acknowledge their successes. I also give them some straight talk if I feel they are coming up with excuses and not being focused. Mainly, I listen and help people come up with their own plans and their own courses of action.


I've been told by several people that they think they'd be good life coaches because they like to tell people what to do and they feel they are good advice givers. Ironically, those traits would make someone a terrible life coach! A good coach listens more than they speak and they work hard NOT to give advice or dictate what someone should do. As a coach, I don't develop the plays for you, I help you to develop your own.

• A coach is not your mother. It's not my job to shame you into a behavior or nag you to death.
• A coach is not a consultant. I'm not hired to do the work for you. You have to do it yourself.
• A coach is not a therapist. I can help you reach your goals but I cannot work out any deap-seated physiological issues with you.

Coaching is not a necessity for anyone but it is something good you can do for yourself. I have clients who look forward to talking with me because I am dedicated to them for the time we are together. It's not about the kids, the spouse, the job, for just a few moments it's about them, their thoughts, their plans and their desires and a little me time is always a good idea.

Smarty Marty

My dog Marty recently celebrated his 12^th birthday. In dog year’s, he’s 64 (for a true dog age calculator based on breed, click here). I’ve had him for 10 of his 12 years. Together we’ve moved across country and back. He’s been there for me through thick and thin. Boyfriends have come and go but Marty has remained my constant companion and biggest fan.

Pets bring so much to our lives and Marty has given me so much joy over the years. However, he’s also taught me a thing or two.

A Little Enthusiasm Goes a Long Way: Marty is genuinely excited to see me when I get home and sometimes after a bad day, it helps that some living thing who is excited to see me! His enthusiasm is definitely contagious!

Forgive and Forget: Marty doesn’t carry a grudge. Even if I yell at him or scold him, in a few minutes, it’s all forgotten and forgiven. Of course, that is much easier for a canine than a human but I think we could all be a little more forgiving at times.

Forget Your Age: To see Marty, you’d have no idea he’s 12 (or 64). He still bounces out of the door for walks and chases after other dogs and even the occasional rabbit. If he had any idea how old he is, I can’t tell! Don’t let your age keep you from enjoying yourself and having fun! Enjoy life!

Be a Good Friend:  Marty is good at reading my moods. He can tell when I’m down or upset and he is always ready with a cuddle or even to lick a tear from my eye. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up with ourselves that we don’t connect with those closest to us. We always need to be ready with love and support when a spouse, friend, or child is having a difficult time.

Karyn Beach: Life Coach

In all the time I’ve been writing this blog, I don’t think I’ve ever really explained how I became a life coach.

After spending over a decade in training and development, I was getting burned out. Training is often an uphill battle as you’re often training people who don’t want to be trained and who don’t share your love of learning (and most trainers really do love learning and teaching).

I remember running to the bathroom before a class. While in the stall, several women prepared to leave. They were headed to my class … and talking about how they did not want to be there and what a waste of time it would be.

I was crestfallen. Talk about knocking the wind out of someone’s sails! The class went well, but I started thinking. I love training but I’d also love to work with people who wanted to be worked with. How could I do both: enjoy training and work with people who wanted to be worked with?

While walking my dog a few days later, it came to me, life coaching! I’d had a very positive experience with a life coach about two years earlier. She helped me get over some of the hurdles that kept me from saving money. Not only did I start saving as a result of our sessions but I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Coaching would be an excellent way to help people learn about the most fascinating subject of all … themselves!

Becoming a coach through Coach Inc. was a transformative experience. As I learned about coaching, I learned a lot about myself. It was incredible. This blog is an outgrowth of that training. Through these posts, I hope to give you a few things to think about and some practical tips you can apply to learn more about yourself and improve your life right now.

The name of my coaching business and my blog is Lose the Excuses because, as a coach, that is exactly what I do. I help people lose the excuses that stand between them and living the life of their dreams. You can have more, be more and do more and you can start right now, right where you are and using what you have.

I'm still a corporate trainer and instructional designer by day, but my coaching has given me a valuable means of reaching out and making an impact on others ... through coaching, my blog and my books. I love it!

The Recipe for Unhappiness

If you want to be unhappy, it’s easy. Complain about what you have. Get frustrated over what you don’t have. Compare yourself to people who have more. If you weren’t before, now you’re probably unhappy.

Unhappy people don’t appreciate what they have. A nice late model car, in good condition, is never as good as a BMW. A cozy 3-bedroom home isn’t nearly as nice as the 5-bedroom down the street. The 32-inch TV was good, until you saw the 50-inch. The relentless pursuit of bigger, better and more, more, more is a long frustrating road to unhappiness.

Unhappy people obsess over what other people have. The lives of others always look good. They have more money. They have better relationships. They have well-behaved kids. They have great jobs. They have it all … and we don’t. It’s exhausting being that exasperated!

So many people postpone happiness for another time. They’ll be happy … when they get married (or when they get divorced) … when they graduate … when they lose weight … when they get a new job or a raise … when they have a baby … when the kids are grown. Yet when those times come, guess what? They aren’t any happier.

Happiness has to happen now.

Happiness can happen now.

There is no other time for happiness.

Happiness starts with appreciating what you have right now. Money might not be flowing but you have great friends and family … so be happy now. You might still be single, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your solo time or nights out with the friends … so be happy now. You might not have the car or the job of your dreams … but you have the transportation to take you where you want to go and a job to tide to over until you find something better. In the meantime, enjoy your health, your family, your friends, your hobbies … so be happy now.

Someday will probably never come. What we have is today. Make today a good day by making the choice to be happy now.