Succeeding with Saboteurs

For the five weeks in July, every Monday we'll deal with dealing with one type of difficult person.

If you have ever embarked on a diet, started an exercise regime or considered a career change, you have probably run into a saboteur. They are there with the cookies when you are trying to watch your eating, they want you to take a walk through the parking lot to happy hour instead of heading to the gym. They point out every potential risk in your new undertaking. Basically, when you need support the most, they not only refuse to give it but seek to derail you.

For the saboteur change is a bad thing. They want to maintain the status quo, change is to be avoided at all costs. Sometimes the urge to sabotage is based out of fear – fear your relationship will change, or even end, if you change. If you lose weight, maybe you’ll find someone else. Other times fear is of you wanting them to make a similar change. If you start working out, you’ll want them to start working out … and they don’t want to work out!

Maybe change would make things more difficult for them. You cutting back on your expenses would mean cutting back on shopping sprees with them. If you get another job, they will lose a valuable work ally.
Finally, your change might be holding up a mirror for them in their lives and, they might not like what they see. They want to do something different too. By you actually doing it, makes them wonder why they haven’t taken the initiative.

Regardless of why, you don’t want their efforts to derail your success.

1. Put them at ease. If you sense they are resisting your change out of fear, then assure them that you will still want them, need them and love them, regardless of the change. Once you have eased their fears, tell them how they can help you.
2. Let them know of the new status quo. While some things will change, others will remain the same. Maybe you won’t be buying as much, but you are still available for shopping trips with your friend. Even though your budget is changing, there are lots of fun things you can do.
3. Have a Plan B. There will be times when you give in to the saboteur’s efforts. So have a plan for getting back on track. Remember, success isn’t flawless, there are always setbacks. When you fall, get back up!
4. Get a team of supporters. For every saboteur, there should be at least one person you can turn to for support and encouragement. Lean on these people and allow them to bolster you when you are down, and when you can, return the favor!

Get It Together Girl!: Goal-Setting edition

This brief four-week series will introduce the workbooks in the Get It Together Girl series.

I love setting goals! It's one of the things I'm passionate about. Not only do I set goals annually, but I revisit them and set mini-goals every once. Most of the time, I meet them but even when I don't, I know what I need to do to tweak my plan. I'm so passionate about goal-setting that a few years back, I convinced my manager to let me conduct an optional goal-setting workshop for employees. It was from that workshop that Get It Together Girl!: Getting to Goal - Your Dreams, Your Desires, Your Way was born.

In this 90-minute workshop, we looked at the immediate past (no more than two years) to see what worked, what didn't and, most importantly, why. Then we shoot a year forward to see what we'd like our lives to look like. What is different? What has changed?

It's from that forward look that we start to look at what goals we'd need to create that picture. We also look   at the goals to determine which ones we truly want for ourselves versus the ones others want for us and the ones we thing we should have. Once we get rid of the should goals, we focus on no more than three goals and we develop the plan for achieving them.

As with It's About Time, I created an appendix with practical information - including a series of Goal Assistants for the most popular goals (weight loss, new job, continuing education, saving money, stopping smoking and starting a relationship). With Goal Assistance, I list several tips that will help you succeed as well as several resources to help you along your journey.

Challenge: We're already in December so New Year's is around the way. Instead of focusing on resolutions, think ahead to this time next year. By December 2013, what do you see for yourself and what will it take for you to get there? This is the beginning of your goal-setting journey!

When Opportunity Knocks

If opportunity would knock today, would you a) Answer it b) Ignore it c) Ask it to come back another day. It’s an interesting question and one you should have an answer to, if for no other reason than you never know when that knock will come.

To me, the only answer to that question is A. You answer it. However, answering isn’t always easy. You have to be prepared for that knock. You have to know what you’ll do when you are standing face-to-face with the Big O (no, not Oprah! Opportunity!)

A lot of us simply ignore opportunity, we are just too busy  for it. We get mired down in the day-to-day that we can’t see the forest for the trees and we can’t even see the trees because we are focusing on raking up the leaves!

Then again, some of us don’t answer the door out of fear. Opportunity almost always involves the unknown. It means taking a chance or making a risky move. Since we can’t be 100% certain of the outcome we choose to stay where we are.

Some of us will answer but ask Opportunity to come back at a better time. We’d like it to come back when the kids are a little older, when we’ve had more time to prepare, have more money in the bank, or at some indefinable future date when we are certain that we’ll be ‘ready.’

The problem with ignoring or rescheduling Opportunity is that there is no guarantee it will come back. It will go door-to-door until it finds the person who is ready, willing and able to go for it.

Countless times, I run into people who had a great idea only someone else ‘beat them to it.’ They weren’t ready to move on their idea when Opportunity knocked on their door but unfortunately for them, someone else was.

So while you are waiting for that infamous knock. Make the time right now to get ready. Practice. Prepare. Study. Do what you have to do so when that knock comes or that doorbell rings, you’ll greet Opportunity with a big smile and a firm handshake.

On the Way to Milk and Honey

We had a guest pastor in church a few weeks ago. Guest pastors are like a box of assorted chocolates, you never know who you are going to get. He was great, though. Personable, engaging and funny. So I have to tell you that this blog got its impetus in his sermon.

He talked about the Promised Land, a land described as the Land of Milk and Honey. This was nothing new but it was what he said next that set his sermon a part. He said that cows make milk and bees make honey. Again, nothing new here. BUT, he continued, just as cows make milk they make a whole lot of other *stuff* and just as bees make honey, they also sting.

Basically, if you want to get to the milk and honey, you're going to have to walk through a lot of stuff and endure a lot of stings!

He said, the only way to get to the milk and honey is to go through the stuff and the stings. You see, most of us, recoil and take a big step back, when we get a whiff of the stuff or feel the first sting, but if we want the milk and honey we have to keep moving through the stuff and stings.

We need to remember that the milk and honey are on the other side - that goal, that motivation - should keep us moving forward.

Whatever you are going through right now remember that the only way to get to the milk and honey is to keep moving. The only way to get through it is to go through it!

Let's Do It Together!

I love setting resolutions. Only , I prefer to call them goals. To me, a resolution is something you want to do, not necessarily something you seriously want to do. A goal has structure, it has a plan. Last year, I achieved several goals. I made a big dent in my debt, I read the entire Bible, I wrote two new Get It Together Girl workbooks. However, I didn't lose the weight and that was a big one for me (no pun intended).

For 2012, I am doing something new and I would love it if you would join me. I'm going to periodically share my progress on my goals with you here in this blog. If you'd like, you can share your goals here and add comments on your progress, when I post my status updates.

I used the process outlined in my own goal-setting workbook; I set three goals and charted a plan for achieving them. Here they are.

1. Lose 50 pounds.
2. Pay off two loans.
3. Write another Get It Together Girl workbook and work at promoting the entire series.

I started on January 1st. I met a co-worker and we went for an hour-long walk. I got the name of a credit advisor from a good friend who has used his services. I also began outlining my next workbook. When you set your goals, try to start working on them immediately. Get your momentum going.

If you are setting resolutions for yourself, comment below about what your resolutions are. If you aren't setting resolutions, hopefully, you'll be interested in seeing how we are doing in reaching our goals.

Here are some tips for great goal-setting:
1. Set no more than 3 goals total.
2. Make a plan for how you will achieve your goal.
3. Make a Plan B for what you'll do when you encounter an obstacle.

So what are your top 2012 resolutions? Will you join me on this journey?

Is Just Enough Good Enough?

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine. She described me as a Type A personality. I disagreed. Yet, as we continued to talk, I realized that we had different definitions of Type A. According to my friend, someone with determination and drive is a Type A. In my mind, a Type A person is someone who is very competitive, unyielding and who has a difficulty being flexible. So I guess using her definition I would be a Type A.

As we continued to talk, she said that I was one of those people who'd always be striving because nothing for me would ever be 'good enough'. I disagreed with that assessment, wholeheartedly ... but it did get me to start thinking about it.

We live in a society that pushes us to do, achieve and have more. Why have a Mazda, if you could have a Mercedes? Sure, you enjoy your job but wouldn't you rather be a manager? Yes, the 27" flat screen is nice but wouldn't you rather have the 40" or even a 60"?

I was late getting into the smartphone craze and my first smartphone was an old bulky Blackberry. When I ran into a problem and took it into T-Mobile, the salesman exclaimed loudly that I was on an 'old' phone. Several other patrons turned and looked at me.

I explained that I had a problem, and I wanted my problem fixed. What I did not want (or need) was a new phone. I wasn't phased. I wasn't embarrassed. I wasn't going to let this kid make me feel bad about my phone!

For me, I'm perfectly fine driving my Mazda and not owning an iPad, iPhone, iPod or iAnything Else. I like my house, I don't need a bigger one. For me, these things are good enough and I don't need, miss or crave anything more.

Yet, there are areas where just enough is not good enough. I want to write more books. I want to sell more books. I want to grow my business. I want to get married. I think there is a lot of room for growth in my career and in my personal life. In these areas, I want more and what I have now is not enough.

So what am I saying?

I'm saying that we need to determine when just enough is good enough and when it's not. And, it goes further than that. If we determine that what we have and where we are is not good enough, then we need to be prepared to roll up our sleeves and work harder, smarter and differently.

I think the disconnect for a lot of us comes when we want more but we aren't willing to do more. In those cases, I think it's important to have a serious conversation with yourself. Basically, you need to decide if what you say you want really is what you want. If it is, you need to find a way to motivate and push yourself to move forward. If you really don't want to put in the work, that's fine too, just accept that truth and learn to be content where you are. There isn't anything wrong with that if you are being true to yourself.

Resolve ... You've Got It!

Did you know that less than 50% of Americans set New Year's Resolutions? It's true. For me the word itself is toxic. A resolution to me implies 'wishful thinking'. A resolution is something you make because you think you should and that most people have no real intention of keeping. This is why you can't get into a gym or a Weight Watchers meeting in January or February but by the end of March ... there are no lines at either place!

Personally, I like New Year's. Within the holidays that make up The Holidays, it's my favorite. I love the idea of a new year and a fresh start. I have have some goals that I have managed to accomplish. This year, I eliminated all credit card debt and by December 31, I would have read the entire Bible cover to cover! Of course, some goals have been more difficult (losing weight).

Notice, I called my targets goals and not resolutions. For me, there is a big difference and as a writer and trained journalist, words do matter. A resolution has failure built in. It's a notion, wishful-thinking, a good idea. For me a goal means action. It comes with a plan, milestones and deadlines. A goal means rolling up your sleeves and getting to work.

A few years ago, I developed a goal-setting workshop. During a two-hour session, I guided participants through a process that helped them establish goals that were meaningful to each person. Goals they wanted to achieve and not goals they thought they should achieve (no one accomplishes those!).

We started by looking at the past 12-24 month and pinpointing the highs and lows and what lessons could be extracted from both. Then we took a pass at creating a few (no more than 3 goals). Finally, we created plans for achieving those goals that included a Plan B, milestones and rewards.

If you are interested, you can get a free two-page goal planning worksheet here.

However, I've taken that goal-planning session and transformed it into the third Get It Together Girl book - Get It Together Girl!: Getting to Goal - Your Dreams, Your Desires, Your Way. It's available on Kindle ($1.99), on Nook and paperback ($6.99). If you want to create some compelling goals that you are actually excited to achieve, check them out. You won't regret it.

Failure IS an Option

Failure isn't just an option, if you are going after something major, failure is inevitable. I recently came across an issue of the Harvard Business Review that came out on the spring. It's dedicated to failure. Yes, I said failure. We talk often about success but failure is never discussed. It's the other F word, and like the obscene F word, we don't want to use it in polite company. Yet, failure is the flip side of success - two sides of the very same coin. With a coin, you can't have heads without tails and you can't have success without failure.

The issue focuses on some of businesses biggest CEOs and their philosophies and stories of failure. One succinctly said, "The only failure in failure is when we fail to learn from it." An very compelling argument can be made that we learn more from failure than success. Also failing prior to succeeding makes our success, when we get it, that much sweeter. We appreciate it that much more.

It scares me when I see how many parents shield their kids from failure, in an effort to improve their self-esteem. The problem with that is that it doesn't work. Winning all of the time, being rewarded for just showing up and being coddled and told you are wonderful 24 hours a day doesn't build self-esteem as much as it creates a dangerous level of narcissism. Learning that you are okay even when you fail and learning how to bounce back and be resilient are much better teachers of self-esteem.

I remember once, as a child, I was so bored that I actually did my chores. I did them without being chided, yelled at or reminded incessantly. I thought I was hot stuff. I went to my mom and proudly announced, "I did all of my chores today." She looked at me with a blank expression and said, "And? That's nice but I'm not going to reward you for doing what you are supposed to do."

On another occasion, I auditioned for a play and did not get the lead role. I was crestfallen. After consoling me, my mother gave me my plan of action. "So you didn't get the lead role," she said. "You did get a nice sized role though and that's great. Now you make sure you play that role to the best of your ability and maybe next year, you'll get the lead."

She didn't go to school and argue with the teacher that made the decision. She didn't argue with the mom of the girl who did. She explained that even when we don't get what we want, we have to do the best that we can with it. Failure, in my parents' eyes should make us work that much harder. What did that other girl have that I didn't? What can I do to be better? How can I improve so that next year, I have a fighting change.

After several rehearsals I realized she was a darn good actress. She also had a much better voice than I did and this was a musical. I wasn't the lead but I understood why. Still, I took Mom's advice, but I made an impact in every scene I had (I even stole a few). I never got the lead in a musical, but a few years later, I did get a leading role.

There were other times when I probably should have gotten a role or something else I worked for. When I would complain about the unfairness of it all or why I deserved what I didn't get, my Dad would agree. "You are right," he'd say - immediately making me feel better. "It isn't fair and you probably did deserve it but life isn't fair and you don't get everything you want or everything you work for. Keep it moving and eventually something will work out, but not if you just sit here and whine about it."

The moral of the story is that I grew up knowing that failure happens. Good self-esteem is born of successes and failures. You don't get everything you want all of the time. You don't get every job you apply for. Every guy or girl you like doesn't like you back. You don’t get every role you audition for.

Failure is nothing to fear. It's part of life and it doesn't define you. Failing a few times is a good thing, it means you are in the game. You'll never win if you sit on the sidelines and wait for the perfect opportunity. It certainly doesn't mean you're not good enough, smart enough or pretty enough. True elf-esteem comes from within and the belief that you are good enough when you win and when you lose.

The Journey of the Little Steps

At the beginning of the year, I decided I was going to read the Bible, the whole thing, from Genesis to Revelation, all 66 books. I found a reading plan and on January 1st, I started.


During the first two months, I felt as if I was never going to get through as I flipped to the first few pages of the Old Testament and the first few pages of the New.


After a few months, I realized that reading just a few pages a day, was really making a difference. Now that the last quarter of the year is upon us, I can see a ton of progress. The end is in sight! This is one goal I set for 2011 that I will definitely make!


Little things do add up to a lot. It didn't seem like it was going to be enough at the beginning but I stuck with it and wow! Looking back, I wish I had been more diligent with the weight loss and the savings. I got impatient with the slow progress and I struggled on both fronts.


However, I am going to use this Bible reading experience as a testament (pun intended) to what chipping away, day-by-day can do. Those little efforts have yielded a huge result!

Getting to Goal: Check-in

If you set some goals for yourself this year (notice I didn't say resolutions), how are you doing? If you have fallen off the wagon, I want to encourage you to get back on.

If you get off track, know that it's not too late, it's never too late to get back on. The difference between success and failure isn't that you have fallen of track, it's that you didn't get back on.

Success is never flawless. Ask any 'success' story and they will regale you with stories of all of their bumps and bruises; missed opportunities; and mistakes. And this goes for any and all success. We could be talking about Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates. We could be talking about your cousin who lost fifteen pounds or your best friend who made self-care a priority.

Heck, Bill Gates dropped out of college and his first business failed. They made a movie about all the bridges Mark Zuckerberg burned while creating Facebook. If you talk to your cousin, she'll tell you about the time she had a few donuts at the Monday morning meeting or how she went a week without exercising. Your best friend can tell you about how difficult it was to break her workaholic ways.

The journey to success is bumpy. It's filled with potholes and detours. It doesn't matter if you fall off of the horse or how many times you fall, the important thing is that you always get up.

Failure doesn't make you a failure; it makes you human.

Getting to Goal: Discouraged?

Every Monday in January, we will be looking at setting and keeping a realistic set of goals. Join us for tips on staying on track and setting workable and achievable goals.



Along the road to success, you’ll encounter roadblocks. We’ve discussed that. You will encounter naysayers. We’ve dealt with that. However, when you encounter, a couple of roadblocks and naysayers on top of a couple of bad days, it’s easy to get discouraged. It’s easy to give up.

Don’t do it.

You’ve been successful before and you can be successful again. I know it. You know it. If you have graduated from high school or college, you’ve succeeded. If you have raised happy or healthy kids, you’ve achieved success. If you have learned how to drive, you’ve succeeded. If you’ve avoided causing any accidents, you’ve succeeded!

These seem like simple examples, but they prove my point. You’ve had success. One in four high school students will not graduate. So high school graduation in and of itself is a success. These examples prove that you stuck with something until you got the desired results.

If you have lost weight or pursued a college education, you succeeded by chipping away at your goal, day after day. If you stopped smoking, it didn’t happen overnight.

If you are in the storm, know that the storm eventually passes. Even a hurricane doesn’t last forever.
You’re in it for the long haul. Ride out the storm and know that your personal sun will shine again.

Getting to Goal: Roadblocks

Every Monday in January, we will be looking at setting and keeping a realistic set of goals. Join us for tips on staying on track and setting workable and achievable goals.

It's going to happen. It's not a matter of if, but when. You will get upset and light up a cigarette. Your cold will derail your workout plans and you'll have a hard time starting up again. A major car expense will eat up all the money you managed to save. Maybe someone close to you is threatened by your weight loss.

The road to success is filled with roadblocks. The reason many people don't acheive their goals is that they let the roadblocks stop them. Yet, when you are driving and you encounter a roadblock, you don't just stop, you look for the detour ... an alternate route.

When you encounter a detour while pursuing your goals, you should do the same thing ... look for the detour. Find the alternate path.

When you are the one putting up the roadblock, your self-talk can provide the detour. When you make a mistake, resist the temptation to beat yourself up and use words like always and never. For example, "I always mess up," or "I never get anything right."

Show yourself the encouragement and compassion that you would show a child. You would not tell a kid that she'd never learn how to ride a bike if she fell. You'd encouage her to get back up and ride, no matter how many times it took.

If an unexpected event causes you to derail, change your outlook. If car repairs or another emergency ruins your saving plan, look on the bright side. You had the money to pay for the car repairs. In the past, maybe you wouldn't have, maybe you would have had to borrow it or put it on a credit card. Recognize that stopping after a derailment won't help you in the long run, but getting back on track will.

If a person is your roadblock, there are a few approaches you can take. Talk to them about it. Many times husbands fear their wives losing weight. They think that as she loses the weight, she'll also lose interest in them. Assure him that a healthier and happier you, will lead to a healthier and happier couple. If a friend is threatened by your weight loss, consider having a sit-down with them as well. Otherwise, recognize that they aren't on your team and leave them out of your journey.

Don't discuss your challenges, successes or issues with a person who is trying to sabotage you. The reason you need to have a 'team' in place to help you reach your goal is to identify those people who will support and encourage you and those who will not. Keep the relationship but keep them at a distance when it comes to accomplishing your specific goal.

Getting to Goal: Too Many, Too Much

Every Monday in January, we will be looking at setting and keeping a realistic set of goals. Join us for tips on staying on track and setting workable and achievable goals.


Last week, I laid out my plan for creating workable and achievable goals. My last suggestion was not to have more than three goals.


I've seen people with long lists of things they want to accomplish. Again, I consider those long lists to be resolutions, or wishful thinking. If you have a long list of resolutions, there is no way you can be serious about attaining all of them.


Franklin Covey did a study of people with lots of goals, here is what they found out.

Too many goals dilute your efforts. You get spread too thin. You run around doing a lot but not accomplishing much. In this environment, it is easy to be discouraged. So instead of having a list of wishful thinking, have a targeted list of the most important things you want to accomplish and focus on those.

When looking at your long list, which items would make the most impact? Which ones would improve your life the most? Focus on those.

The Franklin Covey study also shows something else, something very powerful. You can accomplish your goals Focus on what matters most to you and what's most important. Develop a plan (and several back up plans) for accomplishing those goals and you can do it!

Getting to Goal: Say No to Resolutions

Every Monday in January, we will be looking at setting and keeping a realistic set of goals. Join us for tips on staying on track and setting workable and achievable goals.


I'm in the minority, I know. Statistics say that less than half of Americans are making resolutions. I know it's corny but I still do. I make them every year, but I don't call them resolutions. I call them goals.

What's the difference you ask? Aren't they just words? True, but words have power. A resolution is wishful thinking. It's a notion we should make a change but the word resolution implies that we aren't really serious about it. The word resolution implies that we have no intention of following through. A goal is different, at least it is to me, a goal has a plan. A goal has an intention. A goal has steps and a deadline. It is those things that take a goal from the realm of wishful thinking to the world of possibilities.

I achieve most of my goals and I've taken my goal strategy and distilled it into a 2-page worksheet. I do one for each goal. You can download one of my goal sheets here.

My goal sheet is set up to answer a number of questions:

What is your goal? Exactly what do you want. You don't want to lose weight. You want to lose 50 pounds. You don't want 'a job'. You want a job in a specific field making a specific amount of money. You don't want more time with your partner. You want two date nights a month.

Why is this goal important to you? The more whys you have the better off you are. Leave off the 'shoulds' and what others think. Because you should stop smoking isn't the same as wanting to stop smoking. Your sister wanting you to be more organized, isn't the same as you wanting to be more organized. List the reasons why this goal matters to you.

Who's on your team? Who can you turn to for support, advice or assistance? Who will you call when you are discouraged? Who will hold you accountable? Who has the information you need to succeed?

What is your back-up plan? Everyone falls off the wagon. You roll over and go back to sleep when you should have worked out. You eat the big cheeseburger and fries instead of salad. Setbacks are part of success, so what will you do to get back on track.

If you want to create some successful goals, download the goal worksheet and set up one for each of your goals (no more than 3 ... more on that next week).

The Backburner

In three weeks (September 22nd to be exact), there will be just 100 days left in 2010. If you set goals for yourself this year, it’s time to get cracking. Labor Day is around the corner that means the unofficial end of summer. Basically, it’s time to get back to work!

If you are like a lot of people, you started with great goals and wonderful intentions, but a little something called life got in your way. You got busy. You got frazzled. You started putting out fires. You spooned even more on your already full plate. In the process, your goals got pushed aside. They got pushed back … all the way back.

And when we don’t see them, it’s like they don’t exist. Yet they do exist, even if it’s just as a nagging feeling that you should be doing something about them, they are there. Goals don’t shout, they whisper quietly and in the loudness of life, it’s easy to drown them out.

So, I want you to go up in your mind’s attic, find those goals and dust them off. Next, I want you to put them in front of you. Put them somewhere where you can see them: in your planner, in your Blackberry, on your iPod, on your refrigerator, place them where you can see them and for the remainder of the year, I want you to review them daily (weekly at the very least) and ask yourself what you can do today (and everyday) to reach that goal?

If you want to lose a few pounds,
Can you fit in a walk today?
Can you pack a healthy lunch or make a good choice when you go out to eat?
Can you make sure you drink your water or eat your veggies?

If you want to save money,
Can you bypass Starbucks and save that five dollars?
Can you take a moment and fill out that direct deposit form, so that money is going directly into your savings?
Can you make sure your checkbook is balanced?

You get the point. Get in the habit of asking yourself, every morning, what can you do during that day that will move you closer to your goals. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but little things done consistently can lead to big results!

The Wall

Most athletes but especially long distance runners, bikers and swimmers can tell you about the wall. They get to a point in the race where they are exhausted and feel as if they can’t go on. They have hit the dreaded wall. These same athletes will tell you that if they can get past it, on the other side of the wall, is another burst of energy.

While you and I might never run a marathon or complete a triathlon, we hit walls of our own. In dieting, to use a more common analogy, it’s called a plateau. You get to a point where for a few weeks or so, in spite of your best efforts, you just don’t lose weight. With work or school, you get to a point where you might lose your drive or your focus. You might hit a roadblock in your plan to save money or pay off debt when everything had been flowing so smoothly before. Hitting the wall is natural in the progression of things. It’s what you do when you hit that wall that makes all of the difference.

A lot of people give up. They assume because they have hit the wall that it’s over. Remember, the wall is characterized by fatigue. So mentally, emotionally and maybe even physically, you feel too tired to go on and, you think, giving up would feel good. It would be nice to get some rest. Maybe you feel too hurt, frustrated or disappointed to go on and the temptation to just stop the madness and settle for what you’ve got is strong.

Yet, if you can muster up just a little more strength. If you can go just a bit further, you could break through that wall and get your second wind. When it comes to this point, it’s your supporting team and the reasons why you want what you want and even just seeing the progress you’ve made that will carry you through.

Just remember, hitting the wall is not a bad thing, it means you are making progress and you’re closer than you think to that second wind that will carry you across the finish line!

The Lose the Excuses Success Formula

Maybe because my degree is in journalism but my formula from success is easy. It’s based on the six questions that make up any good story: who, what, why, where, when and how.

Who?
Knowing who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, your passions, your purpose is critical to success. Who you are determines what you want and how you will develop your plan and approach challenges and setbacks. When you know who you are and what you have to offer, it creates an authentic confidence that will propel you towards success.

What?
What is just as critical as Who. Actually, they work together. Once you know who you are, what you want should flow naturally from that. What you want is born out of who you are. What do you want to manifest? What parts of you – talents, desires, dreams – do you want to bring out or focus on? Spend some time making your what very specific and targeted. The universe does not respond to ‘vague’.

Where?
Look around and take stock of your current circumstance. Maybe you know where you want to go. You can see your vision. Yet, to get there you have to start from here, using the resources available to you right now. Where you are might not be ideal but it is where you are. The good part is that if you start working towards your goal, you won’t stay where you started for long!

When?
While it is true that there might never a perfect time to begin, it is also true that some times are better than others. You wouldn’t want to start training for a marathon while you are eight months pregnant. Look realistically and courageously at the timing. Be realistic about what you can do and courageous so you won’t use timing as a reason to procrastinate.

Why?
This question is often overlooked, and if you ask me, it’s the main reason why projects get derailed and dreams get deferred. You have to find a why … not someone else’s why but your own why. Why is this important to you? Why do you want it so badly? Why does what you want matter to you? You need a reason so intimate and so compelling that it can carry you through over the hurdles and help you find a way through the challenges.

How?
People gloss over some of the earlier questions and try to start here. They put a lot of thought into how they will do something before they even know what they truly want or why it really matters. The how is the last part of the equation. If what you want is based on who you are and why you want to achieve your goal is truly compelling then you can work out how you’ll do it.

Get Clear

What do you want? A job isn’t the right answer. A successful business isn’t the right answer either. Having a relationship, losing weight, going back to school, those answers aren’t working for me.

You need to get clear on what you want … exactly what you want. If you want a job, will any job do? Do you want to scrub toilets? How about picking up trash from the side of the road? That might be fine for some people, but if that isn’t your idea of a job, then you need to get clear.

When I graduated from college, in my youthful arrogance, I turned down a job, a good job. It took me another year to get my foot in the door at a radio station and when I did, I wasn’t getting paid. I toiled there for a year and a half. During that time, I got experience and made a decent demo tape. I also applied to any and every job I could. I applied to places I couldn’t pronounce. I sent resumes and tapes to places I couldn’t find on a globe. My goal was simple, find a job as a news producer. Any job.

Eventually, I got a job as a news producer in a small Midwestern town. The job was fine but I was miserable. Forget dating, I would have settled for just a friend. For a year, every evening, every weekend, I was alone. I ate alone. I went to the movies alone. I never made a local call because no one I knew was local. It was awful.

After a year, I left. I didn’t have another job. I didn’t care. I just had to get out.

I had not been clear about the job I wanted. I didn't want 'any job' 'anywhere', although that was the energy I was putting out. I wanted a job, as a producer, in a medium-sized city that would pay me at least $5,000 more than I ended up making. But desperation overtook clarity. I settled for anything and that's exactly what I got.

Knowing what you don’t want is a good start but you need to know exactly what you do want.

If you want a job, what job? Where are you working? What salary are you making? What are you doing every day? What is your boss like? How long is your commute?

If it’s a relationship, what are your partner’s characteristics? What activities do you share? What do you like about him/her? What does he/she bring to the relationship?

If it is a business, what defines a successful business to you? How much revenue are you generating? How many people are working for you? What are your days like? Who is your ideal client or customer?

Clarity is key.

Front and Center

Here we are approaching the 6th month of 2010. When you look at the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of 2010, how are you doing? The business and busy-ness of life often gets in our way and stops us from making progress on our goals. I would argue that the busy-ness and not money and not time is the number one reason we don’t pursue our goals.

I’m not suggesting that anyone abandon the kids, leave the spouse and quit the day job to pursue their passion, but I am suggesting that you make some time for your dreams and your goals. You need to make what’s important to you a priority at least some of the time.

Here are some suggestions for doing just that.

Make the time. I’m not asking for a day or even an entire afternoon but somewhere in your week, you need to find at least an hour to pursue your passion. Depending on what it is, you might need more time and that’s fine. Regardless, look at your week and find the time.

If you can’t find the time, make it. Ask your spouse to fix dinner. Work out an arrangement with a friend where you can look after each other’s children while the other gets some much needed ‘me’ time. Get creative if you have to but you can figure out something.

Write it down. I live and die by my To Do list. So much so that if I write it down, I have to do it. I hate getting to the end of the day and having an item that hasn’t been crossed off. If you share my compulsive craziness for list making, on the day when you have made the time to pursue your goal, write it down. Trust me, you’ll do it. I put exercise on my list every day and I cross it out just about every day.

Tell a Taskmaster. If you have a friend, co-worker or family member that is good at holding you accountable, share your goal with them and tell them you want them to hold you to it. It helps if this is a person you talk to or interact with on a daily basis.

Savor it. When you finally make the time and commit to doing what you said you were going to do, enjoy it. Savor that feeling of accomplishment you have when you complete that work out or get to the end of the day and realize that you did it without a cigarette. Savor the feeling of enjoyment and satisfaction you get when you have made the time for a hobby or favorite activity. Really get into that run or that hike or taking those pictures or decorating that cake.

It’s never too late to start. Take that first step today. Start making your dreams come true.

Win in 2010: It’s Not Too Late

This is the sixth in a six part series called Win in 2010 designed to help readers stick to their goals and make the most out of the New Year.

Maybe you didn’t set any goals for the year. Maybe you set some goals and fell off track. Whatever the case may be it’s not too late to start or start over!

As a society, it’s our tradition to make resolutions or set goals at the beginning of the year. New Year, new beginnings, new goals, it makes sense. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can decide to make a change at any time of the year. In fact, setting your goals or steeling your resolve may make even more sense when it’s not the beginning of the year. Setting your goals now, doesn’t have the same pressure as setting them on January 1st.

If it’s something you have been thinking about doing, why not get started? If you started and fell off course, replace that discouragement with a renewed desire. Falling off track isn’t the problem. Everyone falls off-track. It’s staying off-track where the problems start.

Set a goal. And remember…

1. Don’t set too many goals. To keep your focus, limit your goals to no more than three.
2. Set goals that you want to and are committed to achieving. Never set a goal just because you (society or someone else) think you should.
3. Pick the people who have the resources, the knowledge and desire to see you succeed.
4. Develop a Plan B (and C) that you can use to get you back on track when you get off course.

It’s never too late! Start now!