Succeeding with Saboteurs

For the five weeks in July, every Monday we'll deal with dealing with one type of difficult person.

If you have ever embarked on a diet, started an exercise regime or considered a career change, you have probably run into a saboteur. They are there with the cookies when you are trying to watch your eating, they want you to take a walk through the parking lot to happy hour instead of heading to the gym. They point out every potential risk in your new undertaking. Basically, when you need support the most, they not only refuse to give it but seek to derail you.

For the saboteur change is a bad thing. They want to maintain the status quo, change is to be avoided at all costs. Sometimes the urge to sabotage is based out of fear – fear your relationship will change, or even end, if you change. If you lose weight, maybe you’ll find someone else. Other times fear is of you wanting them to make a similar change. If you start working out, you’ll want them to start working out … and they don’t want to work out!

Maybe change would make things more difficult for them. You cutting back on your expenses would mean cutting back on shopping sprees with them. If you get another job, they will lose a valuable work ally.
Finally, your change might be holding up a mirror for them in their lives and, they might not like what they see. They want to do something different too. By you actually doing it, makes them wonder why they haven’t taken the initiative.

Regardless of why, you don’t want their efforts to derail your success.

1. Put them at ease. If you sense they are resisting your change out of fear, then assure them that you will still want them, need them and love them, regardless of the change. Once you have eased their fears, tell them how they can help you.
2. Let them know of the new status quo. While some things will change, others will remain the same. Maybe you won’t be buying as much, but you are still available for shopping trips with your friend. Even though your budget is changing, there are lots of fun things you can do.
3. Have a Plan B. There will be times when you give in to the saboteur’s efforts. So have a plan for getting back on track. Remember, success isn’t flawless, there are always setbacks. When you fall, get back up!
4. Get a team of supporters. For every saboteur, there should be at least one person you can turn to for support and encouragement. Lean on these people and allow them to bolster you when you are down, and when you can, return the favor!

Great Expectations

A few years out of college, I was working as a news producer/anchor at a small radio station. I was asked to speak to a group of high schoolers for career day. Several of them balked at my modest success. They were destined for greater things. They laid out their plans for me: go to college, get a job at the college station, graduate, ease into a morning or afternoon drive slot on a major radio. 

When great expectations are also unrealistic expectations, frustration and disappointment are the outcome. There is nothing that says those kids couldn’t end up as major market deejays, but it was going to take work, sacrifice discipline and time. It wouldn’t always be easy and it wouldn’t always be fun.

Great expectations require great effort.

Some people who harbor great expectations expect a lot but don’t expect to do a lot to get it. They often believe in the myth of the Overnight Success. It sounds great … the starlet that was ‘discovered’ in the coffee shop, the inventor who made a million off of his simple gadget, the basketball phenom. The only problem is the Myth of the Overnight Success is just that, a myth.

Ask any Overnight Success and they will tell you that their success occurred over many nights, often years of nights. They had sleepless nights wondering how the bills would be paid, after they sunk all of their savings into the business. They had nights on just an hour or two of sleep because their work had them waking up early and staying up late. They spent nights tossing and turning because they lost the game or got cut from the team or didn’t get called back after the audition. Yet they preserved, they kept going and eventually, they became Overnight Successes!

For me, great expectations also require a great deal of gratitude. Gratitude gives perspective. Gratitude keeps one grounded in the now. Gratitude allows you to be thankful for what you already have. Without it, those with great expectations don’t see all of the blessings that surround them. They stay transfixed on the pie in the sky and don’t see the feast spread out before them.

Expect the best. Put forth the effort and do the work. Be grateful for what you have and the people you meet along the way. You'll be a success (maybe not overnight, but you will succeed)!

Change Your Definitions

Motivational Speaker and author Tony Robbins tells a very powerful story about two men at a retreat he conducted. The first man was a high-powered CEO and the other a more casual and laid back guy. When Tony asked each person if they were successful, the CEO said no and the laid back guy said yes.

Looking at these two men, everyone assumed that the CEO would surely see himself as a success. He had an eight-figure salary, ran a major corporation and had his own private jet. He was the very definition of success.

When Tony asked the men to define success, the answer became obvious. The CEO fell a little short on the bonus he wanted to make. He hadn’t completed all of the projected he’d wanted to complete and so in his eyes, he was not a success. The laid back guy’s definition was a little simpler. He said, every day he woke up was a successful day. Of course he was a success!

The reason why success and happiness are so elusive is because we make them that way. We think, “I won’t be successful until I make this much money or move into this neighborhood or find a spouse.” “We assure ourselves that we’ll be happy when I lose weight, or when we finish school or when we find a better job.” Tragically, if those things actually come to pass, we find that we still don’t feel happy or successful.

The thing is that we can choose to be successful or happy right now. The truth is that perfection is fleeting and rare. We can be happy now, even if we still have credit card debt or a lousy job. None of that stops us from enjoying what is good and going well in our lives right now.

Maybe success isn’t measured in the amount in your bank account or the ring on your finger or the title of your job. Maybe success can be as putting in a full day’s work or being able to give back to your family and friends. Happiness could be laughing everyday or spending time with family and good friends.

Change your definitions and change your life!

Getting to Goal: Experience Your Success NOW

If you can see it, you can achieve it. See yourself happy. See yourself successful.

Close your eyes. Visualize yourself successful. To make your visualization really powerful, visualize yourself in action (like a movie), not static (like a photograph). See yourself at your goal happy and satisfied.

A lot of people think of visualization as silly or a waste of time, but it works. Seeing yourself successful gives you the confidence and the push you need to get where you want to go. It also tells your mind that it’s possible. It lets your mind know that there is more than what can be seen in the mirror’s reflection. It tells your imagination and your mind that what you want can happen.

When you see yourself achieving your goal, get excited. Anticipate it. Expect it. Visualizing your success with feeling makes it even more real.

This week, I challenge you to spend a few minutes a day visualizing yourself at your goal. What will you look like when you reach your goal? What will it feel like? What will you be doing differently?

If you want to go for extra credit, go out and experience yourself at goal. If you want to reward yourself with a spa day once you reach your goal, start looking into different spas and spa packages. If you are saving money for a new car, go test drive the one you want. Window shop for clothes in your perfect size.

The more you can see it and feel it, the more likely it is to happen.

Failure Focus

There is a trend among parents and educators to lavish praise on children for every little thing. Everybody wins! The winning team gets trophies but the losing team does too. Just showing up is often all that is required to get a certificate or ribbon. No one wants to leave any child behind or make them feel left out.

The only problem is when everybody wins, everybody loses.

Arguably, we learn more from failure than we do from success. Failure creates the opportunity to acknowledge and learn from mistakes – allowing time for reassessment and figuring out what went wrong.

Without failure, a dangerous sense of entitlement and an unrealistic worldview is created. People feel they deserve to win whether or not they put in the effort, if just showing up is good enough then why do more? And it’s not fair for those who do put in the extra effort to be lumped in with those who do just enough to get by. By rewarding everyone, we penalize those who truly excel.

A world where everybody wins would be nice but it’s not reality, not even close. You don’t get every job you apply for. The person you love doesn’t always love you back. And, many of us never earn what we feel we are worth. That’s not failure, that’s life. If you aren’t prepared to deal with the failures, roadblocks and obstacles then you really aren’t prepared for this life.

Failure teaches resilience. It teaches us to get back up and try again. You don’t learn the hard lessons when you move from success to success. You learn them when you go from success to failure and then back to success. Learning how to fail elegantly (without name-calling or whining) and smartly (learning what you can from the experience) ensures that a single defeat won’t become a final defeat.

Finally, knowing the agony of defeat, makes the sweet taste of success that much sweeter!

The Lose the Excuses Success Formula

Maybe because my degree is in journalism but my formula from success is easy. It’s based on the six questions that make up any good story: who, what, why, where, when and how.

Who?
Knowing who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, your passions, your purpose is critical to success. Who you are determines what you want and how you will develop your plan and approach challenges and setbacks. When you know who you are and what you have to offer, it creates an authentic confidence that will propel you towards success.

What?
What is just as critical as Who. Actually, they work together. Once you know who you are, what you want should flow naturally from that. What you want is born out of who you are. What do you want to manifest? What parts of you – talents, desires, dreams – do you want to bring out or focus on? Spend some time making your what very specific and targeted. The universe does not respond to ‘vague’.

Where?
Look around and take stock of your current circumstance. Maybe you know where you want to go. You can see your vision. Yet, to get there you have to start from here, using the resources available to you right now. Where you are might not be ideal but it is where you are. The good part is that if you start working towards your goal, you won’t stay where you started for long!

When?
While it is true that there might never a perfect time to begin, it is also true that some times are better than others. You wouldn’t want to start training for a marathon while you are eight months pregnant. Look realistically and courageously at the timing. Be realistic about what you can do and courageous so you won’t use timing as a reason to procrastinate.

Why?
This question is often overlooked, and if you ask me, it’s the main reason why projects get derailed and dreams get deferred. You have to find a why … not someone else’s why but your own why. Why is this important to you? Why do you want it so badly? Why does what you want matter to you? You need a reason so intimate and so compelling that it can carry you through over the hurdles and help you find a way through the challenges.

How?
People gloss over some of the earlier questions and try to start here. They put a lot of thought into how they will do something before they even know what they truly want or why it really matters. The how is the last part of the equation. If what you want is based on who you are and why you want to achieve your goal is truly compelling then you can work out how you’ll do it.

Step to Success

The Chinese proverb says it best, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” One step, and then another, and then another after that, it’s a series of small steps. The trouble is that we focus on the finish line before we even start the journey.

We get overwhelmed.”It’s a thousand miles! That’s over two million steps.”
We over think it. “What kind of shoes do I need and how many pairs will I go through? What about rain?”
We make it big, impossibly big. “1,000 miles is the distance from New York City to Daytona Beach, Florida!”

We need to take our thinking in the opposite direction. Think small. Small is doable. Small is realistic. Small actions can yield big results.

Whether it is paying off credit card debt, getting a degree, lowering cholesterol, or finding a soul mate, you have to start somewhere. You have to take the first step, and then the next step and then the step after that.

Little steps are deceptive because they are small and by themselves, they don’t seem like much of anything. One credit card payment seems like a minuscule drop in a very big bucket, but those drops can add up quickly. A pound of weight loss might not seem like much, but one pound will lead to another and another and soon, you’ll see a big difference.

Take small steps. Do not dismiss them. Make the goal smaller, too. In the journey of a thousand miles, set 10 mile, 50 mile and 100 mile milestones. Create small successes along the way and work towards those.

Take a step. Do it today. Take another tomorrow. And another, the day after that. You get the point. : )

I Have Something to Tell You...

You’re amazing!

Really you are. I just thought I should tell you.

If I asked you to list all of your faults, shortcomings and mistakes. You wouldn’t miss a beat, you’d start rattling them off immediately. If I asked you to write them down, you could fill pages.

Yet, if I asked you to list all of your strengths and successes, you’d pause for a second. Then when you finally did begin to speak, you wouldn’t be speaking for long. You wouldn’t start scribbling furiously like you did when I asked you to write out your successes either and your list would be a lot shorter.

We live rather intimately with our shortcomings. Like a security blanket, they are always close by. We replay our mistakes and missteps in our heads over and over again. We relive our biggest failures in bold bright colors.

We own our losses and disown our wins. We blame our successes on luck. We allow other people to take more credit than they deserve. We downplay our efforts and hard work. One of the things I do frequently as a coach is remind people of their successes. I point out what has gone right and what they have done correctly. And even still people are reluctant to accept the praise and the acknowledgement.

When I point out all the hard work and effort it took for them to succeed, when I show them the talent and the tenacity they’ve displayed, they literally have to take a moment to take it all in. It’s truly an aha moment.

In your life, you have graduated high school, maybe college. You put in the time and the hard work. You have managed a successful marriage or had the courage to leave a bad one. You've raised great kids. You've been promoted. You've received raises. You have great friends. You have learned to stand up for yourself. You have taken the time to find out what matters most to you. I could go on and on. And, if you stop to think about it, so can you.

On the ladder of success, there is always another rung to climb, and we are always climbing. As soon as we’ve made one step up, we immediately begin to tackle the next. It’s a good idea to stop climbing occasionally and take a look back down to see just how many rungs you’ve climbed, you are probably a lot higher up than you think.

Savor your successes for a moment … then continue the climb.

Finish Strong!

And now for something a little different...

I want to share with you one of my favorite motivational videos. It showcases some incredible winners and what they had to overcome - amputation, handicaps, and rallying back after incredible defeats. And the best part is that it's done to the theme of Rocky III, Eye of the Tiger. If this doesn't motivate you, nothing will!

The Best Salmon Ever

I had lunch yesterday at a cafeteria tucked away in an office building. It shouldn’t have been a remarkable event but it was. The selection of food was great and they had a number of healthy choices available. I saw some fresh salmon and immediately I had to have it.

It was what happened next that blew me away.

Teresa was one of the cooks. I was standing in line behind a gentleman who had a good looking burger smothered in mushrooms and Swiss cheese. It looked like something out of a commercial.

When it was time for her to take my order, she was filled with the same enthusiasm and showed me the same bright smile as she had the gentleman before me. When I told her I wanted the salmon, she was thrilled. She slapped it on the grill, threw some marinade on top of it and then did the same for my friend. When she was done, she took the lemon and delicately cut it and adorned the top of the salmon with it. She added the broccoli, which she also threw on the grill for a second to make sure it was hot, and the potatoes and she was done.

She handed me her creation with pride. I couldn’t wait to get to the table to see if this cafeteria salmon tasted as good as it looked. It did.

Teresa is a woman who has a passion for food. She genuinely loves what she does. According to my friend, she’s like that every day. Daily, she’s putting a smile on the face of those who stop in for lunch. I guarantee, she’s not getting paid a fortune. She doesn’t even get tips. But that doesn’t stop her from enjoying what she does and passing that enjoyment on to her patrons. She’s infectious. And, that’s a good thing.

How amazing would it be if we all took Teresa’s approach to our work? What would it be like if we all approached our work with enthusiasm and passion? How much happier would we be if we truly enjoyed what we did and considered our work a privilege and not just a chore? What would it be like if we went out of our way to share a smile with someone else?

Thank you Teresa for making my day and an amazing salmon lunch to boot! I will most definitely be back!

The Year in Review

The week between Christmas and New Year's is filled with The Year in Review stories. What were the biggest songs and movies and TV shows of the year? Who had the best year? Who had the worst? What stories got the most attention?

When I do my goal setting workshops, I always start by having people do their own personal Year in Review. What happened this past year that was good? Maybe you found a great job or fell in love. You could have stopped smoking. Maybe you made some significant revelations about your life. Maybe you welcomed some wonderful new people into your life. Maybe you removed some not-so-wonderful people from your life. Or maybe you just found a hairstyle you loved. Big or small, there were a number of great things that happened this year and now it's a good time to acknowledge what worked, what went right.

In my workshops, I spend twice as long on what went right as I do on what went wrong or what didn't go as expected or planned. We tend to overlook the good and focus on the bad.

The bad things - the disappointments, the failures, the losses -seem to always be right in front of us, in the forefront of our minds and on the tips of our tongues. The good - the successes, small victories, the happy moments - aren't on the surface. We have to dig for them, sometimes very deeply.

As we prepare to go into 2010, take a little time to commend yourself for the things you have accomplished this year.

Celebrate you.

Oh, and next Monday, we'll be starting a whole new series: Win In 2010, where we'll be looking at what you can do to reach your goals in the new year.

Get Lucky

What does it really mean when someone is considered lucky? Does it mean that nothing bad ever happens? Does it mean everything always works out the way they hope? We wish people good luck. Some people carry good luck charms. In fact, there is a whole subsection of superstitions dedicated to what you can do to improve your luck. So short of throwing salt over your shoulder and not breaking mirrors, what can you do to get lucky?

I think luck starts with attitude and expectations. ‘Unlucky’ people like to say how unlucky they are or dwell on how often things don’t work. Whereas most of the people I know who are considered lucky focus on the positive, they think and talk about what is going right. They look at the future with optimism instead of ominous dread.

If you are ‘unlucky in love’, could that have something to do with your attitude about love? Are you expecting more ‘bad luck’? If so, should you be surprised when you get it?

I think lucky people also have more resilience. When they’ve applied for 99 jobs, they continue to put their resume out there, instead of taking time out for a pity party. They look at what isn’t working and dare to make changes. They tweak the resume, brush up on their interview skills, they do something about the situation.

Finally, in my experiences, most lucky people exude a positive energy. You can actually feel it when you are in their presence. Energy attracts like energy. These are people you want to be around and to me that is the key to luck. People and things are drawn to them because of their attitude, their resilience and their spirit.

Lucky people hold on to the positive and then act on it. Lucky people aren’t just thinkers or wishers or dreamers, they are doers.

Want to change your luck?

• Be positive
• Be optimistic
• Be resilient
• Be a doer

Watch how your luck will change!

Same As It Ever Was

I remember it like it was yesterday – even though it was six years ago. I was sitting at my desk in my cubicle at work. I had just hung up the phone with my boyfriend. A chill ran down my spine as I had a true epiphany.

I realized, as I put down the receiver that a year from that moment, I could be in the exact same place – same job (with no promotion), same boyfriend (not fiancé or husband), living in the same apartment (no closer to owning), pretty much living the exact same life. And it could be the same the year after that and the year after that.

“What if nothing changes?” I thought.

The answer is that I wouldn’t be miserable but I wouldn’t be happy either. I would be … the same. Few thoughts have scared me more. It was a real internal wake-up call. I knew at that moment, if I didn’t make a change, nothing would change. It was all on me.

I asked myself several other hard questions. What do I want? What am I willing to do to get it? Over the next 6 months, I answered those questions and I took action.

I decided that the relationship was never going to get me where I wanted to be, so I ended it. There was no where for me to go in my position so I started circulating my resume; I also seriously started entertaining the idea of moving to California to pursue my screenwriting career.

8 months later, I was a very single girl unpacking the few bags I had in Los Angeles, California. A lot has happened since then – wrote a short film, moved to Charlotte, bought a house, embarked on a new career. Yet it all started with a couple of questions.

(Hard Questions + Honest Answers) x Action = Results

Takin' Care of Business: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn

This is the fifth in a ten part series called, Takin’ Care of Business – Making Work Work for You.

Exactly what have you accomplished at work? It’s a hard question to answer because 1) We tend to downplay our successes, so a lot of the small accomplishments are quickly forgotten 2) We accomplish one thing and quickly move on to the next, so it becomes difficult to remember all of the things we’ve done.

Anyone who’s ever had to sit down and prepare for an annual performance evaluation knows what I mean. Wrecking your brain as you try to remember all of the things you’ve done in vivid detail. How can you toot your own horn or tell your bosses what an asset you are when your memory is failing you?

The solution is a simple one. Keep track of all of your accomplishments … as you accomplish them. I have a simple Word document where I list all of the projects and assignments I've been given. As needed, I update that document with exactly what I've done and when.

At the end of the year, it was easy to toot my horn and talk up my successes. And, when it comes time to update my resume, I havean accurate record of exactly what I have done.This success log, doesn’t need to be long. It does not need to be overly detail. Just describe the task at hand, and focus on the numbers.

For example:

Project: Office 2007 Overview
Description: Responsible for giving 200 employees a brief presentation on transitioning from Office 2003 to Office 2007.
Results: Delivered a series of 45 minute presentations to the staff of 225. Located and distributed several quick reference guides to the staff to support the transition. Worked with IT to assist people who were having trouble with the installation and who had questions about the new applications.

The key to making this work is keeping this document current. When you are assigned a new project, open up the document and add the description. When you have a successful result, don’t hesitate to record it immediately while it is fresh in your mind.

Focus on the numbers – how many people did you work with? How many calls on average did you handle a day? How much did you make in sales? How many phone lines did you answer? Did you complete the project under budget or before the deadline?

Nothing says success quite like results!

The History Makers

Yesterday, history was made. A nation held its breath as Barack Obama placed his hand on the Bible and took the Oath of Office. Just a day after the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, and 46 years after Martin's I Have a Dream Speech, the dream was realized.

The weight of history and the spirit of change is in the air. The emotion and the pride of a country is pulsing wildly through its veins. Just watching it on television, you could feel the positive energy radiating through the screen. It would be a shame if we were to just let all that good feeling dissipate. So, while we still have this momentum, while the dream has been rekindled and while history continues to be made, my challenge to you is to make your own history. As Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world.

Be the first person in your family to purchase a home or get out of debt. Inspire your children to get their education (hopefully Obama can make doing well in school cool).

Be the person who stands up and says "No" to the status quo and business as usual. Demand better for yourself and those around you and accept nothing less.

Be the person who greets people with a smile and treats others with respect, patience and empathy. Be the one who speaks with honesty and love.

Be the one that will end the cycle of abuse and low expectations. Be the one that ends the revolving door of prison, poverty and parental neglect.

Be the one that finds beauty in the mirror and warmth in your own embrace.

Be the one that reaches for the stars.

Giving Up Good For Great and Saying Goodbye to a Very Dear Friend

About a week or so ago, I wrote a blog about the difficulty I have saying no. Well, I’ve started integrating that word into my vocabulary. It hasn’t always been easy but it’s been worth it.

Whenever, I talked about taking items off of my plate, I talked about the smaller things. There was one big thing however, that I couldn’t even bear to think of parting with, although, my gut told me that I should. DivaSoulSista is a website I started 5 years ago to write movie reviews. I love movies. I love writing. It was a natural progression.

I designed the site. I created my own logo (and trademarked it). For the first three years, I even wrote all the reviews (then my friend Thomas joined me). It was and is my baby. But it takes a lot of time (seeing one to two and sometimes three movies every week) and lately it’s been taking on more expense as well – expenses that I pay out of pocket.

Right now, however, my strong desire, my passion, is to focus all my efforts on my coaching – being a better coach and growing my coaching practice. Yet whenever I sat down to think of the different projects that I needed to dump, there was one, I couldn’t bear to even think of, DivaSoulSista – my baby.

It’s been five years of my life and the creation of an incredible body of work. I’ve made lasting friendships through my site. It has been there for me consistently as I moved cross-country and back. DivaSoulSista has always been there for me - like a real sister.

But I did it. I picked up the phone and I called Thomas and told him that we’d put our last reviews to bed at the end of this year. The site will remain up and all 500 reviews will be available but we won’t be adding new ones.

I’m not saying 'goodbye', I’m saying 'sabbatical'. Hopefully, once I get my coaching growing and moving in the right direction, I can return to DivaSoulSista with the budget and the renewed energy I need to make it what it should have been and to build it up, but for now, I can’t.

I’ll be honest. This was difficult and I have shed my share of tears over it (I’m shedding some right now). As hard as it has been, it’s also been a big relief and I’m excited about what the future holds. Making the big decision was empowering and gave me the impetus I needed to get rid of a ton of other smaller stuff.

I feel lighter. I’ve looking forward to this immediate future and what it holds. I’m also looking a little further in the future and when I do, I see a little DivaSoulSista peeking out from around the corner, but for right now, she’s out of sight.

The Road I've Traveled

In my newsletter this month, I said that I didn't have many regrets and I don't. But, I did have one pretty big one ... and then something amazing happened. It went away. Yes. It did. Just like that!

I always wondered what would have happened if I would have made the decision to just stay in Cleveland. I could have possibly married my college sweetheart and had a couple of kids. When I would see women who had that kind of domestic setting, I would feel tugs of envy and tinges of regret. "Maybe, I should have..." I would say to myself.

Last Christmas I went home for a visit. While hanging out with a good friend, we made a stop by her sister's house. Her sister had it all - the hubby and the nice home and the beautiful kids. She was exactly the kind of woman that sparked thoses tugs and tinges within me.

I asked her how she'd been because we hadn't seen each other in quite a while (years). And she talked about the husband and the kids and the job and she seemed truly happy. And, I was truly happy for her.

As we prepared to leave, I had an epiphany. In that moment, I realized, that if her life had been my life, I would have spent years in quiet desperation. I would not have been happy. I probably would have driven myself crazy!

I realized that the road frequently traveled wasn't the road for me. I'd been on the right path - my path - all along. I thought about all the amazing things I'd seen and done and the insane variety of people I've met that never would have been possible living day-to-day in a suburb of Cleveland. Yes, I still want the hubby and the kid (not plural!) but I need to have that in my own way in my own time.

At that moment, I literally felt the weight being lifted from my shoulders and I knew that I would never again feel those same tugs and tinges. I can appreciate someone else's path without wishing it were my own.

Help Me With My Positive Playlist

I read the book The Secret over a year ago. I've been doing vision boards ever since. And, I have to say, I've seen some of those visions come to pass. I had money on my board. Several months later, I auditioned for Millionaire and two months later, I had taped my episode. I had a vision of a new car. I got that too. I just moved into a new house that was also featured on my vision board.

Now, I'm working on what the book referred to as a Secret Shifter - something that can shift your mood when it's less than productive. I have a few songs, but I can use some help selecting a few more.

Here's what I have so far ... and why.

Magic (Robin Thicke) - This song is about the power of your thoughts and how we all have the ability to create our own 'magic.' All I got is concrete all around me, but I can see the countryside. You can be rich when you’re poor. Poor when you’re rich. It can be raining and I can make the sun shine.

Be Optismistic (Sounds of Blackness): The title says it all. As long as you keep your head to the sky. Be Optimistic!

Gotta Get Up (Jill Scott): If ever there was a Monday morning song, this is it! She wants to stay in bed but she's gotta get up. I'd rather chill at home. I'd rather lay alone. It's true, but I got to work. I don't wanna go. I wanna play today. But what can I say. Bills to pay. I just can't get comfortable doing nothing! That last line is my favorite :)

Make It Happen (Mariah Carey): This is one of her earlier songs and it tells the story of her determination as she tried to make it in the business. Still I had to keep on going, never knowing. If I could take it, if I could make it thorugh the night. I held on to my faith. I struggled and I prayed. And now I've found my way. If you believe in yourself enough and know what you want, you're gonna make it happen.

You Can't Get What You Want (Joe Jackson): Back in the 80's, I was addicted to MTV. Joe Jackson was a cool British singer and sang the truth with this one. You can't get what you want ... til you know what you want.

You Gotta Be (Des'ree): This song is full of good advice. Listen as your day unfolds. Challenge what the future holds. Try and keep your head up to the sky. Lovers, they may cause you

What other songs should I include? I'm open to almost every style of music!

Busy Isn't Always Effective

As a trainer, I often send out emails regarding classes and schedules and I know for a fact that a number of my co-workers don’t bother to read them. They say to me with pride, “I don’t have time to read that stuff. I have a job to do.”

It may be a day or two later, but some of these very busy people will contact me, and they will ask questions that I have already addressed and answered in the email that they couldn’t be bothered to read.

Being busy is not the same as being effective. The irony is that these people waste time by trying to save time.

Busy people are devoted to multi-tasking. They write e-mails while on a conference call. They return phone calls while trying to read a report. How effective is it when the calls takes twice as long to make, the email is riddled with typos and time is wasted reading and re-reading the report because they weren’t paying attention?

As my mother would say, “If you don’t have time to do it right, when are you going to find the time to do it again?”

It sounds like heresy but you get more accomplished if you focus on one thing at a time. Take 30 seconds to read the email. When you are on a critical call, be on the call and not doing something else. If you have a document to proofread, proof read it.

Complete your tasks sequentially and don’t waste time by jumping back and forth. Every time you stop one thing and start another, you lose time shifting gears and regaining your focus.

If you must multi-task make sure one of those tasks is very simple: talk on the phone while stuffing envelopes or doing some light filing. I often return phone calls in the early evening while I’m walking my dog. However, if both tasks require your attention, set aside a block of time to complete each one.

Be better than busy, be effective.

The Domino Effect

I was talking to a good friend of mine earlier today and she was riding high on a wave of confidence. Over the weekend, she overcame a major fear. She'd been taking swimming lessons with her son and during her last lesson, she told her instructor that she wanted to jump off the diving board.

Diving was something she had never tried, in fact, the idea of just swimming in the deep end scared her. Yet, before she knew it, she was standing on the board looking down into 11.5 feet of water. Then she did it. She literally 'took the plunge'.

She dove in and when she came back up, she did it again and then one more time after that.

Two days later at church, she got a ton of compliments on how good she looked. She called me today and told me with pride how she aced an interview she went on.

I could hear the confidence in her voice. She talked about her good couple of days and I pointed out to her that it wasn't luck. It was her own doing. She took the plunge and overcame a major fear. It was that pride and that confidence that her fellow churchgoers saw beaming from her. That confidence and those compliments as well as all the hard work and effort she's put into her job search, fueled her interview.

What she is experiencing is a positive domino effect.

Most people see a domino effect as a negative - one bad thing happens and then another and another. But it works in the positive as well. One good thing can lead to another good thing and another good thing after that.

My friend has a lot to be proud of because she took control of her situation. She didn't have to jump into the deep end but she did. She could have let the frustration of a protracted job search get to her, but she plugs away everyday always looking for new opportunties and ways to improve her portfolio, her resume and her job search techniques.

The hard work is starting to pay off and as all of these good dominoes start to fall, I can't wait to see what is in store for her next!