Stop Tolerating Your Tolerations

What are you tolerating? In other words, what do you have in your environment that you can change but haven’t. In coaching school, we called these things tolerations. If you wear a size 11 shoe, you might not be happy with that, but there is nothing you can do about your shoe size. This would not be a toleration. However, if you have a lot of shoes you never wear and should be donated, you have a toleration. If you need to buy a good pair of basic black pumps but you’ve put it off, you have toleration.

The problem with tolerations is that they zap your energy. They nag at you. I’ll give you an example. When I pulled into the driveway, I would see the tall shrubs lining one side of my driveway. Every day I would think about how much I needed to trim them. When I would get out of the car, I would think about how much I needed to sweep out the garage. Finally, I’d walk into the house and see the spots over the security system panel that I needed to touch up with paint. These little things nagged at me on a daily basis.

Recently, I decided to take a look at my tolerations. I sat down one Saturday morning and made a list. Before long, I had over 20 tolerations … including the ones I just mentioned. I had nothing planned for the day so I decided to knock out a few. Before the weekend was over, I’d knocked out about 20 of the tolerations on my list! Most were minor, not time-consuming and just needed to be done. So I took some time and did them.

Now, when I pull up in the driveway, I am not besotted with nagging feelings of the things I need to do … they are done! It’s a great feeling.

Tolerations aren’t a new concept. When most people think of the ancient Chinese practice of Feng Shui, they think of moving furniture. However, students of Feng Shui know that the first steps of Feng Shui involve clearing clutter, fixing things that are broken and handling all of those nagging things that are around all of us every day. Students of Feng Shui do this to improve the flow of energy through the house. In other words, they handle their tolerations!

Make your list and begin handling them. You might not have a full day but you can tackle them one at a time. The great thing is that once you start, you’ll feel the difference and have the momentum to keep it going!

Making the Most of Each Day - What Matters Most

In this four-week series, we will look at how to make the most of each day by making the most effective use of the one commodity we all share – time.

I’m a big fan of Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. My favorite habit (yes, I have a favorite!) is Habit 3: Putting First Things First. The Habits are designed to be mastered sequentially and this one comes after learning to be proactive and to begin with the ending in mind. By Habit Three, the reader is ready to start living their priorities. This is the time to bring the most important things to the forefront.

In order to put first things first, you have to have the time. What things am I talking about? Exercise, eating healthy, quality time with family, friends and the significant other, prayer and meditation, professional development, hobbies, writing the Great American Novel, these are the things that we say we value but we often put aside. Why? Most often, we simply don’t have the time … or so we say. Take a moment and look up at the banner of this blog. What does it say? LOSE THE EXCUSES! More often than not, not having time is just that, an excuse.

Covey has a simple but dramatic four quadrant square that illustrates where we are currently spending our time and how we can reallocate it to make time for the things that matter most. The quadrant tracks two concepts – urgency and importance.

Quadrant One is the Quadrant of the Procrastinator. Things in this quadrant are both urgent and important. This quadrant is where we are when we are rushing to get that report in by the deadline or stay up all night cramming for the test. It is the quadrant of car trouble, and even heart attacks.

Quadrant Two I’ll talk about last.

Quadrant Three is the Quadrant of the Yes Man. Things in this quadrant are urgent but not important. We are in this quadrant when we let interruptions (chatty co-workers,  non-urgent phone calls, immediately answering non-essential emails) take us away from what is more important. Some meetings fall into this category and things that are important and urgent to others but aren’t important to us appear here too.

Quadrant Four is the Quadrant of the Slacker. Things in this quadrant are neither urgent or important. Some time spent surfing the net, watching TV or napping is a good thing. We all need down time and relaxation. However, if you are spending too much time here, it is a problem.

Quadrant Two is the Quadrant of the Prioritizer. Things in this quadrant are not urgent but they are important. This is where we should spend more of our time. This is the quadrant of planning, relationship building, exercise, planning, and prevention. The lack of urgency sometimes makes these important tasks take a back seat to Quadrant 1.

However, spending more time in Quadrant Two reduces the amount of time we spend in the first quadrant. A little planning and time management and the adrenaline-filled rush to complete the report or the caffeine-fueled cramming session could have been avoided. A little preventive car maintenance could have eliminated the car trouble. It’s possible that making time to exercise, prepare healthy meals and visit the doctor, the heart attack might not have happened.

We can also work on spending less time in Quadrants Three and Four. Begin managing your interruptions. Hold people who drop by to a time limit. Let them know you have five minutes or so to talk and then you have to get back to work. Five minutes later, give them a better time to continue the discussion, if necessary. Use technology to your advantage. Check your Caller ID and voicemail. You don’t have to answer every phone call. Return calls when you have the time. Likewise, set a time to return emails. Use the flag feature to keep them from falling through the cracks.

It is easy to end up spending too much time in Quadrant Four. After all, time flies when you are having fun! Give yourself a set amount of time for your activity and then use a timer to reinforce that.

Make the time for the things that matter most. This is where life is lived and memories are made.

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

Right now, I'm dealing with a health concern. It isn't life-threatening but it is something I am taking care of. It's something I should have taken care of at least a year ago.

Physically, I had several odd things happening. I just shrugged them off and kept moving. When, in conversation, I mentioned one 'symptom' to a friend, her red flag went up immediately. She urged me to get it checked out. I shrugged it off as 'just getting older'. Yet, several other things started creeping up, none of them seemed related to me, none of them seriously, mostly just annoying.

When I went in for my annual check-up I mentioned them to my doctor. Her reaction was more like my friend's than mine. Her expression and the questions that followed showed me that it wasn't nothing and it certainly wasn't aging. She told me what she thought it was and assured me it was something that could be taken care of without surgery or anything major ... but it was definitely something.

In fact, when I left, I didn't go straight home, I went down to the lab to get blood drawn ... a lot of blood for a lot of tests that she ordered. As a person who's been healthy all of her life, it was a little intimidating.

A few weeks later, I went back for my results. It wasn't what my doctor thought I had but it was something else. Still something treatable and actually not as bad as what she initially thought it was. I'd have to take medicine and they'd have to monitor my blood periodically to make sure the medicine was working but I was okay.

Yet, while waiting for the results, I had some time to think, and if I'm being honest, to worry. However, the one comforting thought I had was that no matter what knowing is better than not knowing. Whatever it was, knowing would let me have the facts. I could formulate a plan of action. I could do something about whatever it was.

Knowing is better than wondering, suspecting or just sweeping it under the rug. Ignorance wasn't bliss, it was silly. It was annoying. It left me with questions. Now, I have answers and, more than that, I have a plan. I know what I need to do. I have control and direction ... things I could never have if I had continued to live in ignorance and walk around in darkness.

Salsa, Anyone?

It’s not really a resolution but I have promised myself that this year I’m going to make an effort to get out of the house. I have a full-time job and I blog and write in the evenings. So, I have developed a very bad habit of going to work and going home. It’s gone from being routine to being a rut. I’ve known for a while that I needed to do something, but as we all know knowing and doing are two different things!

In 2012, I’m going to do. I belong to several Meet-Up groups (through www.meetup.com) yet, I couldn’t remember the last time I actually attended an event. I revisited the site and retooled my membership. Deleting inactive groups and finding a few new ones. Since my meet-ups are based on my interests (photography, dancing, hiking, socializing) then there is no reason why I shouldn’t go.

The problem was getting over the inertia. I think getting started with anything is the hardest part. We are creatures of comfort and we, as human beings, seem to resist change, even when it’s good for us. Whether it’s a diet, a new software application or a procedure that’s changed at work, we like the old way.

As a life-long list maker, one way I get over the inertia is to put it in my Blackberry as a task. I love checking off a task and it nags at me when I can’t! In the past, I’ve just not put social events on my task list or calendar. If it’s not there, I can’t check it off! So, I’ve started adding those events to my planner process.

The first item on my list – line dancing class – was Wednesday night at 7:00. Normally, that’s when I’m settling in to being home. Now, in order to go to class, I had to eat dinner early, change into workout clothes, leave the house again, in the cold, and drive over 20 minutes to get there. The old me would have passed. This time I made myself go.

It was worth it. I danced. I laughed. I had fun. I had a lot more fun than I would have had cocooned in my house, wrapped in my writing sweater with the dog lurking somewhere in the background.

I really wanted to keep the momentum going so the next night, I met with another meet-up group for dinner at a restaurant I'd wanted to try. The food was okay but the conversation was great.

The hardest part is getting started but I think that after you have had some success or in my case fun it gets easier. Next on my list: meeting with the photography meet-up, Zumba class and salsa lessons!

The Focused Fifteen

It is my philosophy that anybody can do just about anything for 15 minutes. You will almost always be surprised at what you can accomplish is a quarter of an hour.


It really isn't a lot of time. You can watch half a sitcom in 15 minutes. You're commute to work is probably longer. Yet, if you give a focused 15 minutes, you will see results. Notice the word in italics, focused. I'm not talking about 15 multi-tasking minutes when you are checking email, cooking dinner, and  listening to voicemail. I'm talking about devoting that little bit of time exclusively to the task at hand whatever that task may be.


For me, the Focused Fifteen is the antidote to procrastination. If there is something I don't want to do, like, straighten up the house, return a phone call, or on some occasions, write, I reach for the timer. I set my kitchen stove timer for 15 minutes. For that time, I clean or make the call or I start writing. At the end of the 15 minutes, I have a choice. I can stop because I have done what I said I was going to do. Or if I have the momentum and the time, I can keep going.


Fifteen minutes is long enough to overcome your inertia and get a good start. It's also enough time to make a dent in a project and sometimes that dent is all you need. I actually swear by this. It works. I'm so committed to it that my first Get It Together Girl book is devoted to removing clutter and getting organized in 15 minutes a day.


Try it. Use the Focused Fifteen for:

• straighting up the house
• cleaning out the refrigerator
• clearing out your email inbox at home or at work
• sorting through your closet
• journaling

All you have to do is 15 minutes. Once that timer goes off, you'll feel an immediate sense of accomplishment. If you have the time, keep going. If you don't, pat yourself on the back because you did something (and probably more than you thought you would). And, doing something is always better than doing nothing.


If you want to see some real results, get the family involved. Put on some good music and see who gets the most done. Or set your quarter hour for the  15 minutes before your favorite TV show and you have a built-in reward!

A Little Goes a Long Way

If I told you I was writing a post about establishing routines, you’d probably yawn and keep surfing the net. But, what if I told you I was posting about how you could add more fun and spontaneity to your life? Maybe that would pique your interest.

Well, I’m writing about both.

Establishing a few little routines can save your precious time … thus giving you more time to do the stuff you want to do (not just what you have to do).

I’m not talking about long-drawn out boring routines. I’m talking about little things you can do to stop wasting time looking for lost items and frantically rushing from place to place.

1. Put It In Its Place. Things like keys, cell phones, eye glasses, purses and wallets should have a logical place to go. I have a little stand with a drawer that stands next to my front door. Two things go there: the dog’s leash and my keys. As soon as I walk through the door, that’s where the keys go. Think simple, think logical.

2. Take 10. At the end of the day, take five minutes to plan for the next day. Figure out what you are going to wear, put the water and the coffee in the coffee maker, if you take your lunch, make it the night before.

3. Make a 5 minute sweep. Go through your house for five minutes and just straighten up. Put items back where they belong. Set a timer and make it a family event. Make it a fun game, see how much you can put away.

4. Take My Mom’s Advice. She said, if you don’t make a mess, there is no mess to clean up. Put clothes in the hamper when you take them off. Wash that pot as soon as you are finished using it. My Mom’s Advice plus a daily five minute sweep will keep you house pretty neat!

When you aren’t looking for lost keys, when you aren’t rushing so quickly through the morning that you start your day in a huff, when you aren’t spending hours cleaning and straightening, you’ll find you have more time and less stress.

Now go and have some fun!

Front and Center

Here we are approaching the 6th month of 2010. When you look at the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of 2010, how are you doing? The business and busy-ness of life often gets in our way and stops us from making progress on our goals. I would argue that the busy-ness and not money and not time is the number one reason we don’t pursue our goals.

I’m not suggesting that anyone abandon the kids, leave the spouse and quit the day job to pursue their passion, but I am suggesting that you make some time for your dreams and your goals. You need to make what’s important to you a priority at least some of the time.

Here are some suggestions for doing just that.

Make the time. I’m not asking for a day or even an entire afternoon but somewhere in your week, you need to find at least an hour to pursue your passion. Depending on what it is, you might need more time and that’s fine. Regardless, look at your week and find the time.

If you can’t find the time, make it. Ask your spouse to fix dinner. Work out an arrangement with a friend where you can look after each other’s children while the other gets some much needed ‘me’ time. Get creative if you have to but you can figure out something.

Write it down. I live and die by my To Do list. So much so that if I write it down, I have to do it. I hate getting to the end of the day and having an item that hasn’t been crossed off. If you share my compulsive craziness for list making, on the day when you have made the time to pursue your goal, write it down. Trust me, you’ll do it. I put exercise on my list every day and I cross it out just about every day.

Tell a Taskmaster. If you have a friend, co-worker or family member that is good at holding you accountable, share your goal with them and tell them you want them to hold you to it. It helps if this is a person you talk to or interact with on a daily basis.

Savor it. When you finally make the time and commit to doing what you said you were going to do, enjoy it. Savor that feeling of accomplishment you have when you complete that work out or get to the end of the day and realize that you did it without a cigarette. Savor the feeling of enjoyment and satisfaction you get when you have made the time for a hobby or favorite activity. Really get into that run or that hike or taking those pictures or decorating that cake.

It’s never too late to start. Take that first step today. Start making your dreams come true.

An Ounce of Prevention

Benjamin Franklin said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” In the health field, this is fairly obvious. It’s easier to prevent a disease than to cure one. Better to eat right, exercise and keep a decent weight than it is to treat the diabetes or heart disease that comes from a life time of unhealthy choices.

Of course, the ounce of prevention adage works in other areas as well. Ask the renter who lost all of her possessions and didn’t have renters insurance. Ask the worker who made a very good living but chose to spend everything she made, without even thinking about saving, a few weeks after she gets the pink slip. Ask the frustrated mom on the side of the road after her minivan has broken down, the one who didn’t think getting the oil changed was that much of a big deal.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure but (and I’m on a roll with these old sayings) hindsight is also 20/20. As she stands in the ramshackled living room that $20 a month for the renters insurance doesn’t sound too bad. Likewise, saving and getting routine car maintenance would make a lot of sense in the face of the lay-off or an unexpected breakdown.

The trick is to use that ounce of prevention before those bad things happen.

I think we aren’t concerned about prevention because we just don’t think that bad thing (whatever it is) will happen to us. Sure people are losing jobs but you are okay. They need you. Don’t they? And your car, it’s just fine. Isn’t it?

When that dreaded event happens, we are blindsided. I was one of those people I didn’t have renters insurance. I never saved for a rainy day and I let my car go without maintenance for far too long. Yet after years of being hardheaded, I learned to look for the ounces of prevention because a pound of cure can be expensive!

The ounce of prevention can cost too – in both time and money. Insurance isn’t free and car maintenance certainly isn’t. It does take time to locate and compare policies and to take the car to be serviced. Saving some money isn’t nearly as much fun as spending (at least to me) but these are small costs when you consider the alternative.

Look for areas where you can find those ounces of prevention and when you find them, take action. Because an ounce of prevention won’t do you any good once you need a pound (or more) of cure.

Myth-Busters: Multi-Tasking

“There is time enough for everything in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once, but there is not time enough in the year, if you will do two things at a time.” - Lord Chesterfield

Obviously, Lord Chesterfield didn’t live in the 21st Century! Americans love to multi-task. We have to because we are busy, busy, busy! We drive while putting on make-up and talking on the phone. At work, we reply to emails while on conference calls. We return phone calls while walking on the treadmill. With the aid of a little technology, we can do it all! But can we? Consider the following.

* A study by the University of London Institute of Psychiatry found “Workers distracted by e-mail and phone calls suffer a fall in IQ more than twice that found in marijuana smokers.”

* Researchers at the University of California at Irvine monitored interruptions in the workplace and found workers took an average of twenty-five minutes to recover from interruptions such as phone calls or answering e-mail and return to their original task.

* And we’ve all encountered the multi-tasking driver who’s either wrapped up in his/her cell phone conversation or texting.

Times may have changed but our brains have not. The problem is the more you multitask the more difficult it is for your brain to switch between tasks. It takes time for your brain to make the switch … the same time you think you are saving. Your memory is also negatively affected by multitasking.

So what’s a busy person to do?

Do It Anyway: Multi-tasking works best when you are working when at least one of the tasks is inconsequential and doesn’t require too much thought. Checking voicemail or returning a call while walking the dog. You can write your to-do list while you are on the train. You should be able to use the treadmill while chatting on the cell phone. However, if the task is important or requires effort or attention, then it requires your focus…

Find Your Focus: Take small amounts of time to focus on a single task. Spend 10 minutes reading and returning emails. Devote 20 minutes to writing the proposal. You will be surprised that a dedicated focus will actually improve your productivity.

Tame the Technology Tiger: It is okay to temporarily turn your ringer off. Believe it or not, most calls aren’t urgent. Also close your email application so those annoying notifications don’t pop up every time you get an email. Instead, make a commitment to check your email at the top (and maybe bottom) of every hour or maybe after you finish each focused time period.

Stepping Out Of Your Own Way

As a coach, as things happen, I always look for the lessons in everything that happens. Releasing my eBook, has shown me a lot! One important lesson I’ve learned is that in some cases, I’m my own biggest obstacle.

I have submitted press releases electronically all over the country. The procedure is to submit the release and then follow-up with a phone call. The phone call is the part I dread. I’m not a big procrastinator but there are a few things I tend to put off and this was one of them.

What’s the big deal? I don’t know but when I think of pitch calls, I think of the person on the other end thinking of me as some sort of telemarketer – and you know how people treat telemarketers. So before I even pick up the phone I have vivid visions of rude producers and guest contacts. I see in my mind people hanging up on me or just showing a stunning level of disinterest.

Plus, I had some rather big names on my list, and when I thought about calling those big national shows, I got intimidated. Who am I to sit on a stage that has been littered with celebrities and household names?

There was little doubt on that Monday morning before I started making my calls that I was in the wrong frame of mind. If I was going to start out feeling defeated, then what was the point. So I thought about it some more and actually came up with some answers to my own self-defeating questions.

What if people are rude? It’s a possibility but it’s the job of the producer to find good content for their shows, so most of the people will probably hear me out. Besides, if one is rude that doesn’t mean all of them will be. The rude people will be in the minority.

Who am I? I’m Karyn Beach and I have a great, quality program that I’m offering that will truly help people save time and reduce stress. People need to hear about this!

Why should I be a guest on a big-time national show? I’m passionate about my product and because when I’ve done television and radio in the past and done very well as a guest.

After I thought about it, I wasn’t thrilled about making the calls but I was in a much better mindset about it. I was ready.

And do you know what? That day, I didn’t encounter any rude callers. In fact, I mostly got voicemails, but the people I did speak with were open and receptive. By the end, I was actually having a bit of fun!

Coming up with answers to your most negative questions and rebuttals to your most defeating comments can make a huge difference in how you approach your obstacles and overcome them.

The Climb

For me, hiking is like a form of active meditation. When I lived in Maryland, I found a park with a trail that I loved. It was 5 miles long and winded down around the Patapsco River.

At first, I would only do the first part of the trail, but one day I decided to go the whole 5 miles. I made my way down by the river. It was beautiful, quiet and scenic. There were very few people on the trail, so as I walked, I really had time to enjoy the peacefulness of just being in nature.

Well, as with most guided trails, every once in a while you come to a tree with a marker, my marker on this trail was just a white stripe on a tree. When you see a tree with two stripes, it’s a sign that the path is changing directions, a quick glance to the left or the right will reveal another tree with a single white stripe that you follow to continue on your trail.

So I’m about 4 miles in. The river is to my right. To my left, the woods gave way to a hill, as I walk, I notice the hill on my left is getting steeper and steeper. In fact, I can see the deer prints on the steep hill where deer appear to have slid partially down the hill.

I said to myself, “Thank goodness, I don’t have to go up there.” Well, about 100 feet later, I come across the dreaded double stripe; I could not go any further on this trail. To my right is the water. Can’t go that way. The only possible way I can go is left, up the hill. Slowly I turn to my left and there, midway up the steep, deep, hill, there it is – the lone stripe letting me know that THIS is the way I have to go. I said to myself, “Oh, s**t.” It wasn’t easy but finally I made it to the top grabbing on to trees, branches and occasionally thick tree roots along the way. At the top, as I had several times on the climb up, I had to stop and catch my breath. The good part is that once I got to the top, the hike was almost over.

I continued to walk this path about once a week and I truly enjoyed it. But from that day on, whenever I got about halfway through I began dreading the climb up what I affectionately called Oh S**t Hill. Each time I walked the trail, I had that miserable climb in the back of my head and each time I struggled to make it to the top.

One day, all of that changed. Midway though the walk, I got a nagging pain in my thigh. I tried to walk it off but couldn’t. At one point, I wanted to turn around and go back but I was so far along that it would have taken me even longer to go back the way I’d come.

On this day, when I saw my old friend OSH, I didn’t look at it with dread. This time, I looked at it with relief. This time, that hill didn’t represent a difficult challenge; it represented the only thing standing between me and the end of that trail. I took a deep breath and started to climb. I climbed harder and faster than I ever had before and as I reached the top, I realized I hadn’t even lost my breath. I was back at my car in about 10 minutes.

The hill hadn’t changed. I hadn’t changed. But, what it represented in my mind did, and that made all the difference. The hill stopped being an obstacle. It stopped being a problem. It actually became something I looked forward to.

Changing the way that hill looked to me made all of the difference.

Service with a Smile ... Goes the Extra Mile

I’ve worked in customer service. I’ve trained customer service. And, like all of you, I’ve been on the receiving end of all sorts of customer service. So I can say with certainty, things tend to go better when you are nice, polite and professional. Sure there are occasions where that might not be true but those make up the exception more than the rule.

Many people, unfortunately don’t get that, they come off demanding and condescending and intimidating. Some times that works but more often than not it doesn’t. I once worked at a high-end hotel known for their customer service. As Customer Service Reps we were given some wiggle room when it came to handling complains. We could comp a night or two or have a special basket sent to a room without getting management approval first.

When people were nice and professional and respectful to me, I would go out of my way to accommodate their needs. On the other hand, when people were rude, abrupt and hostile, I was professional, to be sure, but I wasn’t bending over backwards to be extra helpful.

When I teach customer service, I explain to the representatives that a good customer service helps them as much as it helps the customer. For example, you are on the phone with a particularly difficult customer. Finally, you are able to end the call. Immediately afterwards, the phone rings again. Guess what? Your tone of voice is still the same as it was when you were talking to hostile guy! Since people respond to vocal cues and nuances on a gut level, the caller responds in kind with a slightly hostile and defensive tone of her own. Before you know it, what could have been a simple call is fraught with tension and strain.

If you are giving customer service, being polite and professional benefits you because it helps you to keep your emotions in check and when you are in control of your emotions, you are less likely to experience a lot of negativity and hostility. When you are the customer service rep:

• Use the 10 second time out. If you find yourself in an emotionally escalating situation, put the caller on hold and take a couple deep cleansing breaths and a moment to calm yourself. Then return to the call. Don’t leave the person on hold though! That could make a bad situation worse.
• Wait. Wait a minute or so after a difficult call before picking up the next one. Give yourself a chance to calm down and get the ‘attitude’ out of your voice.
• Empathize. Remember, people are calling you because you have been trained and you have access to the information they need. Don’t expect people to know everything you know or to have done everything you think they should have done. You are the expert. Walk them through your process.
• Give the play-by-play. Let people know what’s going on and what you are doing. Eliminate the long awkward pauses. “The computer is slow today.” “Please give me a moment while I research your account.”

However, there are a few tips for the customer who has to call customer service.

• You are angry at the company not their representative. Most of the time, we don’t get to speak to the person who messed everything up. We are speaking to the person we hope can solve our problem. Unleashing your wrath on the unsuspecting person who just happened to answer the phone will not help the situation; it will only make it worse. Be polite.
• Save the Sarcasm. It comes off poorly when you are face-to-face with someone and it sounds even worse over the phone. Condescension and a bad attitude will not help you win over the customer service rep. You need them as your ally and not your adversary.
• Intimidation is not the method. Fear and threats are often used by people intent on “getting results.” On occasion, the bullying method actually works. More often than not, it doesn’t. It just leaves all parties involved frustrated and upset.

When it comes to customer service specifically and just dealing with people in general, a taste of honey goes a whole lot further than a gallon of vinegar.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s my favorite month … and not just because of my birthday (21st). Summer ends in September and all the kids head back to school; but I really like the ‘back to business’ feeling that comes with September. September represents a renewed focus that comes after a restful and relaxing summer. We’re ready to come back and come back with a vengeance!

Unlike January, this isn’t a time for setting new goals, for most people it’s making one last big push to achieving the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year. The day after my birthday, September 22, marks just 100 days left in the year. If there was a time to get down to business, this is it. Think of it this way. Do you want to ring in 2010 with the dame goals you set for yourself at the beginning of 2009?

Here are five tips too keep you focused.

Write it! Don’t leave your goals swimming around in your head. If you haven’t already, commit them to paper. When you write out your goals they seem more real and more tangible.

Plan It! Think of your goals and then think of what you’d have to do each month between now and the end of the year to make your goals a reality. But, be realistic. You will probably accomplish more in September than you will in December when the holiday season is in full swing.

Work It! Every day do something towards your goals. I’ve written entire screenplays by committing to writing just 30 minutes a day. Do something everyday that will move you closer to your goal.

See It! What does success look like. If your goal is weight loss, that’s easy. Success is a particular number. The same goes for sales, your goal would be a specific target. Whatever it is, see it in your head. Imagine what success would look like. Is it an A or a B in the class you are taking? Maybe it’s just registering for your class? It could be weekly date night with the hubs. Whatever it is, paint a picture of success in your mind. You can’t hit the target if you don’t know where it is!

Share It! This can be a tricky one. Do not share your goal with everybody. Make a list of people who will support you and share your goal with those people and those people only. It is hard enough to muster the determination and overcome the procrastination that will make your goal a reality without having to deal with the naysayers. Share your goal with people who will support you, encourage you and keep you on track.

Good luck and have fun!

Your Words, Part 1: Speaking Your Own Reality

There is a whole lot of truth to the adage that actions speak louder than words. They do. But that doesn’t mean that your words don’t carry a lot of weight. What you speak matters. Your words are based on your thoughts and your thoughts and words determine your actions.

Recently, I was challenged to change some of the words I use. I was challenged to ‘speak words of victory’ because although I try to be positive, in some areas of my life, it’s habitual to speak words of defeat.

I talk about what ‘will never happen’ for me and what seems ‘a million miles away.’ The truth of the matter is that whatever we do, there is a reason and usually a benefit for it. In my distorted way of thinking, if I spoke negatively about the things I want most, and then I won’t be disappointed when they don’t come to pass.

When I stopped and really gave it some thought, when I speak negatively, I am creating that reality for myself. I am living the disappointment in that instant, in that moment. More than anything, I am making it real. It’s no wonder that those words had become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Funny, the areas where I tended to speak more positively – training, coaching, friends, my writing – I tend to have had more success. However, the areas where I had tended to focus on defeat – finance and romance – I’ve experienced the least amount of success.

As soon as I began to speak differently about those things I noticed several changes. First, I didn’t feel as bad about them. I stopped feeling hopeless and began to feel like I was in control. I felt like I could have success. Second, I began to feel good about situation. I started to feel as if financial and romantic success were real possibilities for me.

My words changed. My thoughts changed and then, my actions changed. I've started acting in ways that aremore aligned with romantic and financial success. Are things perfect? No. But they are much better and getting better with every passing day.

Karyn Cooks - Tilapia and Fresh Spinach

Everybody is busy and everyone’s on a budget. So I’m launching this series called Karyn Cooks to share with you some of my favorite recipes you can make when you are short on time and cash. They are all quick, healthy and absolutely yummy!

Tilapia is a great light fish. I came across this recipe by doing a simple Google search on tilapia recipes. I ended up at Southern Food at About.com. This recipe scored high with me because it was: quick, easy, healthy, and tasty and a quick clean-up to boot. It is suggested that you pair it with baked potato or rice pilaf. I used some regular long-grain rice and it was very good!

Ingredients:
4 to 6 tilapia filets
cooking spray
8 to 12 ounces baby spinach, cleaned
1/4 cup chicken broth
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
salt and pepper
Creole seasoning blend
1 small tomato, chopped
4 green onions, thinly sliced

Preparation:
Spray a 9x13-inch baking dish with cooking spray and add the spinach. If necessary to make the spinach fit it into the baking dish, steam or sauté the spinach for a minute or two to wilt slightly.
Sprinkle spinach with salt and pepper and onion powder; add the chicken broth. Sprinkle tilapia filets lightly with salt, pepper, and Creole seasonings. Arrange the filets over the spinach and sprinkle with chopped tomato and sliced green onion. Cover the baking dish with foil and bake at 350° for 20 to 25 minutes, or until fish flakes easily with a fork.Serves 4.

Out of Chaos...

Yesterday I was featured in an article on Black America Web about getting rid of clutter and the tradition of spring cleaning (http://tinyurl.com/djeca5). Those who know me know that I love being organized. Let’s put it this way, I moved into my house Saturday morning Labor Day weekend and I took that Tuesday off. By the time, I left for work on Wednesday morning, every box had been unpacked, broken down and disposed of, pictures had been hung, the refrigerator filled.

Astrologers will say that my organization is due to me being born a Virgo. Others just call it crazy. You might never have the urge to color-coordinate your wardrobe or plan a menu a week in advance, but there are some little and easy things you can do to get a little more organized.

My philosophy: Life is too short to spend time looking for keys and glasses and shuffling through a ton of papers.

• Put things like keys, cell phones and glasses in a convenient and logical place. My front door and garage door are next to each other. I found a Marshalls, a cute little tall table ($19.99) with one drawer. I put it right between the doors. When I walk in the house, the keys go in it. I also keep the Marty’s leash there as well.
• When leaving work, before I pull out of the parking lot, I put my badge from work on the console area just under the radio. Putting my keys in the drawer. These are things that take a few seconds but if you do them consistently can save you a lot of time and even more frustration.
• Don’t wait. Do it now. When you take your clothes off, take 20 seconds to either put it on a hanger or throw it into the hamper. When you finish with the glass or the plate, put it in the dishwasher. When you let these things build up what could have taken seconds is going to take a lot more time and effort.
• If you want to undertake a big project – organizing a closet, tackling a desk full of papers – and the feeling hits you, go with it! That feeling doesn’t come too often so when it does take full advantage of it.
• When you get ready to tackle the closet or other project, you will inevitably come across items you think you might want to get rid of … but you just aren’t sure. You think … “But I might get down to a size 8 again and when I do, I’ll want to wear that dress.” “But, I can’t throw away that hideous painting I got as a housewarming gift. Sure, there is no way in heck I’d ever put it where people could see it, but I can’t throw it away.” “But it cost a lot of money.” “But I’ve had it a long time.” “But it might be a collector’s item one day.”

If you can’t bear to part with it, at least agree to pack it up and put it elsewhere. Get it out of the closet; don’t keep it on your desk. When you are in a less sympathetic mood, go through that old stuff again and you’ll be surprised what you can get rid of.

From a spiritual or metaphysical point of view, getting rid of clutter is a good thing. Feng Shui practitioners believe that clutter holds your vital energy and when you get rid of it that energy is released. This could explain that feeling of relief and burst of energy you feel when you finally eliminate clutter. They also believe that when you get rid of the old, you can make room for the new.
Happy decluttering!

Takin' Care of Business: Meetings 101

This is the second in a ten part series called, Takin’ Care of Business – Making Work Work for You.

Let me share with you a few statistics. If you have ever worked in corporate America, none of these stats will cause you to raise as much as an eyebrow.

• On an average day, there are 17 million meetings in America.
  
• Studies say that managers spend up to 10 hours a week in meetings, and 90% say more than half that time is wasted.
  
• A meeting between several managers or executives may cost upwards of $1000 per hour in salary costs alone.
  
• A Fortune 50 company estimates losses in excess of $75 million per year due to poor meetings.

Last month, I sat through a four-day meeting. I saw my entire life pass before me in excruciating detail several times. At one point, I could have sworn that Jack in the Box, The Burger King King and Ronald McDonald were leading one of the seemingly endless PowerPoint presentations.

When Sartre said, “Hell is other people,” he must have just come out of a marathon meeting.

But there is another way! Most people have never been instructed in how to plan and conduct a meeting. So here are a few tips to make the most of meetings.

1. Set the Agenda: What is the meeting about? What is the goal? What will the meeting accomplish? Scrawling the name of the project on a piece of paper is not an agenda. The agenda doesn’t need to be overly detailed but it does need to cover the basic topics of the meeting.


2. Be Selective: Who needs to be at the meeting and who can be briefed afterwards? Does the entire department really need to attend? This goes both ways, when you see yourself on the receiving end of another meeting invite, ask if your presence is necessary or if you can get the notes after the meeting.


3. Stay the Course: The good thing about having an agenda is that you can use it to stay on task. When someone goes off on a tangent, you can bring it back to the agenda. Offer to include their tangents as agenda items in the next meeting.


4. Take Action: The problem with a lot of meetings is that they end without any resolutions. So participants walk out wondering “What was that about?” It’s a good idea to end the meeting by assigning tasks that can be completed by the next meeting. Task = progress. Progress is good.


5. Time is of the Essence: Timely means starting on time but it also means ending on time. Every meeting should have a start and an end time and the end time should be honored. This doesn’t mean that you should block 2-3 hours for a meeting, ‘just in case.’ Shorter is usually more effective. If you have an agenda and a clear purpose, you should be able to conduct your business in an hour. If you are good, 45-minutes. If you are really good, a half hour.


6. Leave Lunch Alone: Some people think scheduling meetings right before lunch or at 4:30 p.m. is a good idea. It can be, if you respect the time. However, if there is a tendency towards running over, avoid setting meetings at these times. As a trainer, I know first hand how ‘feisty’ people can get when you run 5 – 10 minutes over into lunch time. You don’t want to confront a rabid dog and you definitely don’t want to cross hungry people at lunch or tired people at quittin’ time.


7. Follow-Up: Keep notes and send a recap of the meeting to all the relevant people (including those who didn’t really need to be there). Send the notes either that same day or the next day, not the next week, not the next month, not never.

Your want your time at work to be productive and effective. Spending an inordinate of time in mindless, meandering meetings might make you look busy few things zap your productivity as quickly or completely.

Takin’ Care of Business: Everyone’s an Entrepreneur

This is the first in the ten part series called, Takin’ Care of Business – Making Work Work for You.

You could be a teacher, a customer service representative, a waitress, a chef, a truck driver, a manager or a dog trainer. It doesn’t matter. You are a CEO. You are the Chief Executive Officer of a little company called You.

As the CEO, you are responsible for maintaining the vision and direction for the company. You are the one who decides what investments to make and what losses to cut. You make the decisions that decide whether you make a profit or suffer a loss … and unfortunately, there is no big bailout money for your business.

When you realize that you are the CEO of your career, you will make the right investments: getting that degree or that certification, upgrading your wardrobe, or joining that professional organization. You will plot the course and maintain the vision. Where do you want to be in two years or five? What is your plan for getting that promotion?

A CEO’s first priority is the survival and success of his or her company and your goal is the same. The Era of the Gold Watch is over. My grandfather spent over 40 years at the steel mill. When he retired, he got a nice pension and a gold watch. In Corporate America, the average worker stays on the job for 3-4 years. You don’t even qualify for a Swatch watch after that.

You are responsible for making yourself marketable. You are responsible for investing in yourself. Keeping your nose clean and being good at your job is no longer enough. I had several co-workers who were ‘good at their jobs’, but it didn’t stop corporate from flying in, calling them into Human Resources, throwing a small severance at them and escorting out of the building — so much for seven or eight years of work and loyalty.

In today’s economic climate, you have to always be thinking of the next step. You can’t expect your boss or your company to do it for you. A CEO is concerned about the health of its company. Likewise, you need to be concerned about the health of your career and your bank account.
So start acting like you are the one with the big corner office. Start making some executive decisions regarding your career, your benefits and your bottom line:

• 
  Do you need additional training?


• Are you in a position with upward mobility?


• Are you making the most of your 401K?


• Should you go back to school?


• Are you up-to-date on the software applications you need to learn?


• If you were offered a promotion right now, would you have the skills and the knowledge to jump into that position and hit the ground running?


• If the answer to that question is no, then what can you do to prepare yourself to go to the next level?

Sure, there is a recession going on. I know things are extremely difficult for job seekers and people stuck in jobs they don’t like. All this means is that it even more critical to take control of your career now. Don’t wait until you are downsized to start making change. Don’t wait until things get go from bad to worse. Even if you are happy where you are and doing what you are doing, now is the time to take the reins.

As CEO of You, what will be the first executive decision you make?

The Reason We Do What We Do

If you: procrastinate, are chronically late, overeat, overspend, engage in road rage or do any other ‘negative’ behavior, realize that you do it because on some level, it’s working for you.

Overeating can be a great stress reliever. Procrastination can give you that big adrenaline boost that helps you finish your projects on time. You have so much fun when you shop. And, that slow driver, well, he shouldn’t have been in your way. The point is that you are getting something ‘good’ out of your ‘bad’ behavior.

But, on balance, you are probably getting more bad than you’d like. Procrastination is causing you to stress and worry and could be causing problems at work or at home. Eating too much is wrecking havoc on your waistline and affecting your self-esteem.

So the trick is to find behaviors that give you the same or similar benefits without all that other stuff. It’s funny but I realized that when I stopped overspending, I started overeating! So while my bank account got bigger, so did my pants size. Clearly, I needed to find another habit!

I had to find something that I enjoyed that didn’t pack on the pounds or burn holes in my wallet. For me, one thing wasn’t the answer but several things did the trick. When I am tempted to overeat, I take a bath or go for a walk or play with the dog or call a friend or write. Having enjoyable options makes all the difference.

The key is it has to be enjoyable or easy for you. Life is too short to be miserable and you have got enough going on to add any more complication. For me, playing with the dog is fun; taking a nice warm bath is enjoyable. Getting to the gym everyday, for me, is very hard. Popping in a DVD or walking on my treadmill – easy.

What are you getting out of your bad habits? What can you do instead that would be equally enjoyable or easy?

It's Not an Option

Resignation isn't always about quitting your job. No, I’m talking about resignation as it relates to a specific state of mind. When you are resigned to something, you throw your hands in the air and sigh. Dictionary.com describes resignation as “an accepting, unresisting state; submission; acquiescence.” In other words, it’s ‘giving up.’

I know a number of people who are miserable. They stay in jobs they hate, relationships they loathe, or are just in situations that they do not want to be in. Their response to their circumstances is resignation.

• “At least I have a job.”
• “You know, someone is better than no one.”
• “Well, what can I do?”

Yes, it’s a blessing of sorts to have a job in a stagnant economy but does that mean that you don’t even try to find something different, something better? Hiring may have slowed dramatically but there are still jobs out there. But, you won’t find them if you don’t look.

As my dad told me many years ago, when you stay with the wrong person, you are denying yourself the opportunity of meeting the right one. Is being miserable worse than being alone for a moment?

You can always do something. In my book, you have to do something. Doing nothing and letting life happen to you is not and should not be an option. If your relationship is on the rocks, you work on it or you leave. If your job isn’t working out, you at least start looking for something else.

The bottom line is that you are in control of your life. You have to take the reins. Your boss won’t do it. Your spouse won’t do it. As much as they would like to your parents and your family can’t do it. It’s up to you.

You can pray about it. You can meditate about it. You probably should do those things but you can’t get off your knees, sit on your sofa and expect a miracle. Yes, miracles happen – God can turn rivers red, speak through a burning bush and walk on water. But most of the time, God, Spirit, the Infinite Universe or Fate (whatever image works for you) works miracles though people and situations.

Resign those feelings of resignation. Lose the excuses. Get off your behind. And make things happen.