Memories Are Made of This

We live in a time where we, arguably, have more of just about everything. We have access to more information than any previous generation. We eat more. We work more. We travel more. We have more things: iPhones, Blackberrys, laptops, desktops, televisions, and Wiis. The average woman owns between 19-22 pairs of shoes (I guess the women I know are above average because they have a lot more than that!). On the street where I live, half of the homes have cars permanently parked in their driveways because their garages are overflowing with things, stuff and whatsamagigs. Yet, we seem to be more dissatisfied than ever before. And I believe there is a simple reason for that.

Things ≠ Happiness

If things made us happy, we would all be dancing giddily down the street, everyday. But, we aren’t. Relationships fail at an astounding rate. There seems to be more distance between parents and children than ever before. Job satisfaction is at an all-time low. Basically, too many people are walking around grouchy and disgruntled.

When I think about my fondest memories, none of them are ‘thing’ related. I remember my Dad teaching me how to hand-dance. I remember my mother making me laugh so hard that I cried and how embarrassing it was to watch her do her ‘car-dance’ while we were at a stop light. I remember doing karaoke with one of my closest friends. I remember walking on the beach, alongside the ocean during a warm summer rain.

If you don’t believe me, ask your children or your significant other about their fondest memories of you. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Don’t get me wrong. Things, in and of themselves, are not bad. It’s the relentless pursuit of things to the exclusion of all else that causes the problem. Life should be more than just getting more stuff. There are other things that matter.

• How you treat people matters
• What you do for yourself matters
• Your values matter
• How you feel about yourself matters
• What you do for others matters

Dedicate a little time everyday to something that matters. Play with the kids. Talk to the spouse. Take a walk by yourself. Laugh with a friend. These are the things from which memories are made.

It's Not Wrong to Receive

Volunteering, donations, supporting charities, and becoming a mentor, giving is good. We are supposed to do for others. In fact, as the Good Book puts it, “It’s more blessed to give than to receive.” It doesn’t however say,”It’s blessed to give and wrong to receive,” although that is how a lot of us take it.

Giving is good. We all get that. But there is a role for receiving as well. Let’s say your best friend’s birthday is coming up and you have just come into a windfall. You want to take some of your money and get her something she’s always wanted. It’s a bit pricey but you have more than enough to cover it.

Excited, you go out to the store, and get it. In fact, you get the top of the line version. Eagerly, you get it wrapped in the most beautiful paper and you set it up so that it’s a great surprise. In fact, it’s an event.

Finally, you give her the gift. You know she’s going to absolutely love it because she’s been talking about it for quite a while now. She tears through the paper and …

With her brow furrowed, she says, “Thanks, but I can’t accept this.”

It’s not an imposition, you explain. In fact, you had more than enough to afford it. She shakes her head.

“But, I’ve listened to you talk about this forever. This is exactly what you wanted, right?” You ask.

“Yes, but I can’t accept it. Sorry.” With that she puts the gift back in your hand.

Giving is great but when you don’t receive, you deny the other person the opportunity to give.

Often we feel guilty if we receive something wonderful. We feel we aren’t worthy. We think there are strings attached. We get suspicious. We feel guilty.

Good things can happen for us. Good things do happen for us. When they do, we need to be ready and willing to receive them with gratitude and enthusiasm. Allow people to give to you. Allow them to help you. Allow them to be there for you. Allow life or the universe or God, to answer your prayers and give to you as well.

Receiving isn’t wrong. It’s just part of the process.

A Day for Giving Thanks!

Like the name says, Thanksgiving is about giving thanks. And today, as you enjoy your fabulous feast surrounded by family and friends, you will probably agree that we have a lot to be thankful for. It’s easy to be thankful on Thanksgiving. However, we have to find a way to take that gratitude into the other 364.25 days of the year.

There is always something to be thankful for. It’s so easy to focus on things that are not going right or on the things that we don’t have. Even though it’s harder, we have to make the effort in those times, to remember that there are a significant amount of things that are going right (often more than is going wrong). And for those things, we should be thankful.

I talked to a young man the other day who really and truly thought that every single problem he had, and would ever have, would be cured by money. There are so many things that young man could have been grateful for but the only thing he could see was all the money he didn’t have.

He couldn’t see that he had his health, a sound mind, supportive friends and family. He had his youth; he had a future ahead of him. He had nice clothes on his back and a home to return to at the end of the day.

When I mentioned these things to him, he just brushed them off. The clothes weren’t the ones he wanted. His home was still with his family and he was tired of them. He thought having health and a sound mind were laughable. Besides, he didn’t have a car; he had to ride the bus.

Most of us do the same thing. We don’t appreciate what we have because it’s not exactly what we want. We live in a state of perpetual covetness and longing. We wonder why she got the job. We agonize over why he seems to ‘get all of the breaks.’ We look at the happy couple on their wedding day and think, “Why isn’t that me?” What a way to live!

Gratitude isn’t settling for less. You need to continue to work towards your dreams and your goals but enjoy where you are and what you have right now. Gratitude is the key that will release you from a number of stressors and frustrations. That same key also unlocks a secret source of happiness and contentment. When you lose the frustrations and the complaints, you lift a weight off of your chest that makes room for more gratitude and all of the goodness that comes with it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If I Were A Rich Man ...

If you had all the money you could ever need and more, but you had no family or friends and were in poor health, would you still consider yourself wealthy? What if you had a wonderful family, great friends, were in perfect health, had a job you enjoyed but had a lot of credit card
debt and student loans, would you consider yourself wealthy?

With the recession in full swing, layoffs are commonplace and those luck enough to have jobs are holding on tight to keep them. Homes are in foreclosure and many are having a hard time making the ends meet. Now, more than ever we need to take our eyes off the financial prize and count our blessings. Money accounts for a lot but it truly isn’t everything.

Off the top of my head, here are 25 things to be thankful or grateful for:

1. Your health
2. Your spouse or significant other
3. Good relationships with family members
4. Your sight (and your other senses)
5. Healthy children
6. Best friends
7. Your education
8. Reliable transportation (even if it isn’t your dream car!)
9. Laughter
10. Christmas and Thanksgiving
11. The roof over your head
12. Your favorite outfit
13. Great childhood memories
14. Favorite television show
15. Sunny summer days
16. Long holiday weekends
17. Birthdays (and birthday cake!)
18. You survived high school
19. You survived another day
20. Grandparents
21. Computers and the Internet
22. Good music
23. Sleeping in on the weekends
24. Chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven
25. The promise of tomorrow

There is wealth and abundance all around you, if you just stop to look for it!

Want to Be Blessed? Be a Blessing!

We spend our days praying, planning and plotting to get what we want. We know how much it would cost to break even, how much weight we want to lose, the kind of mate we are looking for, or if you have a mate, what he or she needs to do to ‘make you happy’. A lot of people live out of the “This is what I want/need/expect” paradigm. But sometimes we need to change it up a bit.

Instead of focusing on the blessings we want, we need to find a way to be a blessing to someone else. In other words, we need to get out of the Me Zone and travel into the worlds of We or even You. I’m not talking about a lifetime of martyrdom and self-sacrifice, but I am saying when possible, be a blessing to someone else and you in turn will be blessed.

You may be blessed with a few moments free of worry. When you are busy helping someone else, you become too preoccupied to worry about your problems – at least temporarily. When you help someone else, you can also be blessed with the satisfaction that comes with being able to solve a problem. While talking to a friend a few weeks ago, she expressed a desire to start blogging but didn’t know how to start. Right there, while we were on the phone, I helped her set up a blog. For me, hers was an easy problem to solve. I was online anyway and it just took me a few minutes. The excitement and gratitude she felt gave me a nice little boost too.

Being a blessing to someone helps you sow seeds of success. When you reach out to others in their time of need, you increase the likelihood that they might be there for you in your time of need. Now, this is interesting because it’s not always tit-for-tat. Just because you helped Jill doesn’t mean that Jill will appreciate it or want to reciprocate it, and if she doesn’t that’s fine. But if, when you can, you help Jill, Jack, Jerry and Jen, more often than not, one (if not more) of them will come through for you when you need it.

Be a blessing and you will be surprised at how often you are blessed!