A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

That's been the United Negro College Fund's motto for almost 40 years; so much so, that it almost has lost its meaning. However, it is true - a mind is a terrible thing to waste. I don't think enough of us realize that as we cruise through our days  largely on autopilot. We need to make a point of exercising our minds, lest we waste them, or even worse, lose them.


Challenge Conventional Wisdom
Why do we believe what we believe? Be it religion or politics or how we view other people, how did we come up with those particular ideas? Largely, it was parents, families and our communities who helped shape us. They gave us a set of beliefs a long time ago and many of us, for the most part, have stuck with them.


However, it is okay to doubt and to question. In fact, you should doubt and question. We, as a society, need to stop taking things at face value and really think about them. I have questioned my faith repeatedly, searching for answers, asking tough questions and it has served to make my faith stronger. On the other hand, when it came to politics, I questioned and asked tough questions and I didn't like the answers I received. So now, I'm an independent who has crafted my own political views. Views that suit me and not just where I grew up and who raised me.


Challenging conventional wisdom also means listening to the views of others and really hearing them. This doesn't mean you have to change your mind, just open it a little. When I say listen and hear, that is exactly what I mean. Listen with the intent of understanding which is a lot harder than waiting for someone to stop talking so you can state your case.


Start searching for answers and you might be surprised at what you find!


Learn for Life
If we want to exercise and nurture our minds, we also need to recognize that education doesn't end when school does. There are tons of learning opportunities all around us. The Internet puts a wealth of knowledge at our fingertips - so much so that encyclopedias are virtually a thing of the past. The same computer we use regularly for recreation can be used for education. Heck, you can even google things you are curious about on your smartphone.


And curiosity is key. It is the key to a fascinating life of learning. Young children go through a "Why" phase when they want to know everything about everything. Although we grow out of that phase we need to never stop asking "Why?" or "How does this work?" or "Where can I go to find out more about this?" The great thing about learning outside of an academic environment is you control your learning. You can focus on things that interest and appeal to you.


People also provide an incredible opportunity to learn. Talk to someone of a different culture or faith or even from another part of the country about how they do things. You might be fascinated by the differences yet drawn in by how much you actually have in common. 


Talking to older people can be a living history lesson. Through their stories and experiences, history can truly come to life. Likewise, older people can learn a lot by talking to someone from a younger generation. Instead of making assumptions, you can gain a greater understanding of their point of view and line of thinking.


Learning is one of those things that makes life worth living. So learn! Don't let your mind go to waste.

Lessons Learned

I don't know why but for some reason, the other day while sitting in traffic, I started thinking about what i've learned over the past forty "cough-cough" years. I figured I would share those lessons with you today. Feel free to add your own in the comments!

1. Older does not necessarily mean wiser. There are a lot of old fools out there!
2. When someone tells you it’s not what you think; usually it is exactly what you think it is.
3. Sometimes what doesn’t kill you just doesn’t kill you. Sometimes it makes you stronger or smarter and sometimes it doesn’t.
4. Anyone who starts to give you advice with “All you have to do is,” has no idea what they are talking about. People who know what they are doing know it’s always harder than it looks.
5. Truth lies in a person’s actions and not in their words. Watch what they do more than you listen to what they say.
6. What someone does to someone else, they are capable of doing to you (and eventually probably will). Don’t think you are so high and mighty that you can avoid what’s happened to others who have gone before you.
7. If someone doesn’t treat you right in the beginning, they won’t change their ways later.
8. On the road to success the people who look like you might not be your biggest helpers. Sometimes the hand that holds you down will look very similar to yours. Other times your helping hand will come from someone who doesn’t look like you, share your gender or membership in a certain minority group. 
9. When you need expert advice, get it from an expert … someone who has successfully done what you want to do and who knows the subject matter.
10. You never know who’s watching you so act accordingly.

Enter your own lessons in the comments below!

Spring has Sprung

In Charlotte, North Carolina this year, we had no winter. In fact, it rarely even got cold enough to snow. The flowers bloomed early and we've pretty much had spring-like weather since late February.


Still, there is something about Spring.The flowers bloom. The trees are gorgeous. The days are getting longer. It's basically just a wonderful time of the year.

The thing l like best about spring is that its all about rebirth and new beginnings. Trees that appeared dead months before are vibrant and full of life. Days that were dark and cold are quickly becoming longer and warmer. 


Spring has a lot to show us about the cyclical nature of life itself. We all go through our own personal winters. We experience our own long dark days, the cold chills of misfortune, and sometimes blizzards of bad news. Yet, eventually, spring does come. Things might be different but they will get better. Spring is on the way with its warmth and beauty.


Spring comes every year and you can count on it. Bad times don't last either, they pass just like winter. If you are experiencing a dark time, this blog is for you. 


Your spring is coming. You can count on it.

Life Lessons: Karma is Weird

September is a reflective time for me. As I turn 43 this month, I started thinking about some Life Lessons I’ve learned over the years and thought I’d share them.

Whether you call it Karma or reaping what you sow, a lot of us believe that what goes around comes around. The good you do comes back to you and the evil you do returns to you as well. I’m not so sure about this.

In my life, I’ve seen a lot of people cause a lot of strife and create a lot of drama. I’ve been told that those people will get what is coming to them. In one case, I’ve been waiting for over 20 years to see the Karmic boomerang come back around.

On the other hand, I’ve seen people be giving and loving and caring and they are still struggling. What gives?

I think, for most of my life, I’ve taken a superficial view of Karma. If someone cheated, then Karma means at some point someone will cheat on them. If someone lied or stole, then at some point they would be lied to or be the victim of some thief. I’ve had sort of an eye-for-an-eye view of it.

I now believe that while Karma can work like that, a lot of time it works on a deeper level, more stealth-like. The cheater might not be cheated on, but he or she will always be looking over their shoulder, unable to trust. Likewise the liar and the thief also live in a prison of their own creation afraid that someone will do to them what they have done to so many others.

The people who strive to do the right thing are rewarded with a clearer conscience and the capacity for strong and solid relationships. They can sleep at night without watching their back every few minutes.

Karma is not a guarantee that we’ll be rewarded with exactly what we want if we do the right thing or a guarantee that we’ll face immediate or even delayed punishment for some of our wrongs. We do reap what we sow but not always in the ways we expect.

Karma is weird.

Life Lesson: Life Isn't Fair ... But That's Okay

September is a reflective time for me. As I turn 43 this month, I started thinking about some Life Lessons I’ve learned over the years and thought I’d share them.

Like every other child, whenever I felt like I’d been wronged or slighted, I’d cry “That’s not fair!” Many of us continue to do this well into adulthood. “It’s not fair. I should have got the promotion!” “It’s not fair. I work hard, I should have more!” “It’s not fair fill-in-the-blank.” Well the cold, hard truth is that life isn’t fair.


We don’t always get what we deserve. Often times, we don’t get what we want. Sometimes we don’t even get what we need. Bad things happen to good people and bad people have good things happen to them.


I used to wonder why. I tried to figure out for myself why things unfolded the way they did. Maybe it’s God teaching a lesson. Maybe it’s a divine punishment. It could be that the person just makes bad decisions. Maybe they just have bad luck. It was an exercise in futility. The truth of the matter is that I don’t know and may never know.


What I do know is this. Because I can’t determine why bad things happen to good people, I can’t go around pointing the finger of blame. When a bad thing happens to someone, I don’t point assume that they have done something wrong because I don’t know. Also, I don’t want people pointing that ignorant and accusatory finger at me either.


Instead of figuring out why things have happened or who to blame, I try to determine the what, the where, and the how. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? How can I change this situation?


Accepting this truth is freeing. Once you stop expecting fairness, you are able to move forward and take life as it comes: the good, the bad and the ugly. You are also able to start appreciating and accepting what you have, the things you overlooked in your search for fairness.

• Maybe you didn’t get that promotion, but your current job gives you the time and flexibility that you would not have had with the other job.
• Maybe you haven’t lost weight, but you have a partner that loves and appreciates you the way you are.
• Maybe you weren’t blessed with children but you have many nieces and nephews, not to mention good friends.
• Maybe you didn't buy the house but your rent payments are very affordable.

Just because life isn’t fair doesn’t mean we aren’t blessed and that we don’t have a lot to be grateful for.

My Bad!

As you know, I share a lot of my life within these blog posts. Something happened recently that I have to share. You can file it under “Lessons Learned.”

Lately, I have been spending a lot of time on this as well as my other blogs. I’ve also written a second Get It Together Girl book, due out in late September or early October on saving time.

However, while working on all of these other projects, plus my job, my web site fell by the way side. I knew I needed to renew the domain but I just never got around to it. By the time I did, it was too late … someone had purchased losetheexcuses.com. My website was gone. I can’t afford to pay a small fortune to buy it back so I had to move on.

Lose the Excuses, the website, can now be found at www.losetheexcusesnow.com. This is a huge setback considering every article I’ve written and every business card I’ve passed out over the past three years is associated with the old site; but what else could I do?

Honestly, it's all my fault and I own every bit of it. I did receive several notices that my domain was about to expire but I had lots of other things to do. Something so minor .. costing less than $20 and five minutes of my time ... slipped through a crack I created and now it will cost me big time.

I try very hard to keep on top of things but every once in a while, something gets past me. Yes, I am a coach and I write about these things and on a certain level, I do know better. However, I’m also a human being who can and does make mistakes. My philosophy is that as long as I continue to draw breaths, I will continue to make mistakes. The goal then is not to not make mistakes but not to make the same ones twice.

I think my butt is bruised from all the kicking of myself I’ve done this weekend. Suffice to say, this has put my website back on my radar and believe me, this is not a mistake that I’ll make a second time.

So visit the site … http://www.losetheexcusesnow.com/ and if you need to reach out to me, you can do so at karyn@losetheexcusesnow.com.

A Helping Hand

As the recession lingers on for many of us, it's easy to find ourselves wrapped in a cocoon of worry and despair. We feel helpless. We feel hopeless. We don't know what to do or where to turn. It's when we are in these lowest moments that it is even more important to reach out to others, to look outside of ourselves.

I was out of work for almost a year. About two months into my unemployment, I started to get depressed. I was at home alone all of the time, looking for work and wondering what would happen to me if I didn't find work. It was too much. With no husband, boyfriend, children or even roommate, I was alone all of the time. I got a good idea of what solitary confinement might be like and I didn't like it!

One night, I called a good friend in tears. She told me what I already knew ... I had to get out. But where and how? I had tons of time and no money. She suggested I volunteer. I found an organization and it literally changed everything.

Ironically, I worked with a local job readiness training program. It put me in touch with people. It gave me a reason to get up in the morning. It allowed me to do something I truly love (training). Most importantly, I met people who had similar struggles to mine ... and I met people who were a lot worse off. It gave me a much-needed sense of perspective. It also gave me a sense of pride because I was able to do something for these people. I looked forward to seeing them everyday and I know that many of them looked forward to seeing me.

I was struggling and could barely do for myself but here, it was different. I could make a difference. While I looked for work, I helped others find and keep work. I helped them develop their skills. I helped them see things in themselves they had never considered. I loved it.

A client even recommended that I apply for an open position at her old company. I did and I got it. So volunteering helped me find my current job!

As I approach the one year anniversary on my job, I still keep in touch with the people I volunteered with and I volunteer and visit when I can. I'm hooked. I think Jacob's Ladder will always play a role in my life. It's that important.

If you want to volunteer, there are many organizations that could use your help: schools, churches, community centers. If you don't know where to go or what you want to do, start here: http://www.volunteermatch.org/. You can find organizations in your area and based on your interest.

Be the change you want to see. : )

A Lifetime of Learning

I graduated from high school 25 years ago this June (Yikes!). I have officially become one of those women who can say to a teenager, “I’ve got sweaters older than you.” And even though I graduated from college four years later, one thing that has never changed is my passion for learning.

Let me clarify. I graduated from college in 1990 with a bachelor’s in journalism. And that is where my degreed education ended. I don’t have a Master’s or a PhD but I still maintain I have never stopped learning.

I did receive my core coaching certification from Coach Inc, but that is the extent of my formal education. In my jobs, I have taken every opportunity to take continuing education workshops, and daylong seminars. Since I made a transition to training and development, those courses have helped me immensely.

Yet, there are learning opportunities everywhere. Talk to people. Ask questions. Watch educational programming on television. Read books, magazines and newspapers. Use the Internet.

All you need to take advantage of the learning that surrounds you is a desire to want to know more. As a ‘why’ asking child, my parents encouraged me to find the answers for myself. They even invested in something the old folks called, an encyclopedia, so that I could find the answers. I still look for the whys to this day.

Over the years, I’ve become a trivia nut because I just love to know. On my Blackberry, the most used app I have is the Google app. Every time I come across anything I remotely want to know about, I search my Google app for it.

A positive attitude towards learning not just opens your mind but it also opens the doors of possibility. Fan your flames for learning and encourage the children around you to do the same, it will be a gift those kids will cherish forever.

Karyn's Coming Back

I don’t talk a lot about my life because that isn’t the focus of this blog. This has been a difficult year. Coaching is a very part-time endeavor for me and I lost my day job on September 11, 2009. For the first time since high school, I didn’t have a job which sent me into an emotional, financial and physical tailspin.

I did what I could taking action every day contacting temp agencies and head hunters, scouring job boards, networking, trying to drum up freelance writing assignments, and looking for paying coaching clients.

I also reached out to my support system, close friends and several family members, to help me stay focused and get me through the more difficult days. I also started volunteering which helped immensely. It got me out of the house and out of my funk. It got the focus off of me and allowed me to do what I love (training) while helping others. Ironically, I volunteered for a job readiness training program. I was helping others find work!

Despite these positive efforts, this had still been an exceedingly difficult year, the hardest of my adult life. I would love to be the perfect coach and tell you that I didn’t cry a lot and that I never worried or threw myself a few big ole pity parties but I’d be lying.

I did all of those things … a lot. I also stopped doing a lot of self-care. I snapped back into an old habit of emotional eating. My workouts became haphazard as my insomnia kicked in. I was depressed. I was upset. I was frustrated and it took its toll.

Fortunately, after almost 10 months, I found work. I started at the end of June. However, I quickly realized that having a job that I enjoyed (and a decent paycheck) was just the beginning. There was (and is) definitely a light at the end of this long tunnel but right now it’s still pretty far away.

I have nine months of extra debt to dig myself out of. And, right now, I’m emotionally exhausted. It is just about all I can do to keep my blogs and newsletter up and running. Being a Google Girl, I looked up remedies for emotional exhaustion and I didn’t like what I found. Everything reinforced the importance of ‘self-care’ – eating right, sleeping, moderate exercise and making time for relaxation. I couldn't find a quick and easy fix and that is what I was wanted!

So a couple of weeks ago, I got tired of being tired. I made my self-care a priority again. I started drinking my water, getting my fruits and vegetables in and making a good nights sleep a priority. I started back to daily exercise and even added in some time in the morning for prayer and mediation.

Here it is two weeks later and I have to tell you, I am feeling better. I am sleeping better. I'm looking better. And I’m not as tired as I was. I am writing this to tell you that self-care really does make a difference! It works!

I’m not out of the woods yet. I do find myself worrying some time and other times I feel completely overwhelmed, but those times are becoming fewer and further between. Slowly, but surely, I’m beginning to feel like I can do this. I’m feeling like myself again and that feels good.

Closer Together and Further Apart

It’s the 21st century. I use a Blackberry. I have an MP3 player and a gajillion cable channels, so I’d say I’m pretty current with the times. Lately, I’ve even started getting all my news through Google reader. Who needs a paper paper, when I can get my favorite sections of the paper delivered to my PC?

I get the top stories, local news and political sections. It’s really helped me keep abreast of current events. However, I have become practically addicted to reading the comments people leave regarding a story.

It’s fascinating to see how people’s minds work when they are posting anonymously, hidden behind a computer screen and a protective ‘screen name.’ No matter what they topic … crime, the school board, unemployment, even weather, it devolves quickly into political name calling and race-baiting.

A commentator at the paper recently posted a challenge to the usual posters. He asked them to say something nice about the opposition. In other words, he wanted pro-life people to say something nice about the pro-choice side and vice versa. Those on the left could have come up with a comment for the people on the right side of the aisle.

Do you know most couldn’t do it? And some just outright said they wouldn’t do it. I tend to be in the middle of most issues and even when I skew one way or the other, I can’t imagine going so far to one side that I couldn’t see anything at all good on the other side.

I think its easy for people to vilify ‘the other side.’ It’s easy to call them crazy or stupid or misguided if you stop seeing them as people. If you can say something nice about them it humanizes them and makes it harder to spew unadulterated mean-spiritedness and condescension.

I would have hoped a decade ago that the Internet would have helped us connect. Sites like Facebook that reunites friends and family help show us how small the world really is. Yet, the commenters on my local newspaper show us how wide the divide between us truly is and how much further we have to go.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Asking isn’t a problem for many, we can ask for what we want. We can ask for what we think we are entitled to. We can ask for a lot of things. One thing that is difficult to ask for however, is help.

Sometimes we all need a helping hand. Help might mean financial assistance but help comes in a myriad of other forms. We need help with the kids. We could use some help on a project. You might need some help to make it through an emotionally difficult time. No matter what your need at some point we all need some kind of help.

But, the same pride that comes before a fall, often gets in the way of a request for help. Think of all of the people who could have been spared the hurt or aggravation or embarrassment, if they had just reached out.

To be honest, there are some people who will look down on you for even admitting that you need help. They will pass judgment. They will condescend. They might even laugh. Yet, for every cruel and callous person standing at the ready to mock you, there are others willing to lend a helping hand and not offer a foot on your neck. Seek out those who can help you but also those who will uplift and encourage you through a difficult time.

When you ask for help, be open to suggestions and counteroffers. Maybe the person you’ve asked cannot give you the exact kind of help that you need, but maybe they can do something.

Yes, there will come a time when we all need help and there is also a time when people come to us for help. When that time comes, show the same generosity, kindness and support that you would want to receive.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and don’t be afraid to offer to help someone else.

Reading is Fundamental

Here in Charlotte, they are rolling out a new recycling program. To the city’s credit, they have been very clear in their communication for the past two months we’ve received letters and postcards about our new garbage pickup day, when we’d receive the new bins and when we would start using them.

We got the green bins a few weeks ago along with a letter that was attached to the bin stated clearly not to start using the new bin until the week of July 5th. Yet that very next week, a number of my neighbors put those green bins out for pick-up. As I walked the dog, I noticed that many of them still had the letter attached, no one had read them.

On Monday I saw a neighbor placing his garbage and large rolls of old carpets out by the sidewalk. I was walking Marty as he finished. It was already hot and he was winded and sweaty. As we walked by him, I reminded my neighbor that this was the week garbage pick-up was moving to Thursday.

He looked stunned. He glanced up and down the street and only saw a few other garbage bins on the curb . He shrugged and said, “I didn’t have time to read all that recycling stuff.” With that, he began taking all that garbage back into the garage.

A full decade into the 21st century and the technological advances that were supposed to free us – cell phones, email, and laptops – keep us busier than ever. In fact, for many, it’s become a badge of honor to say that we are ‘too busy’.

We are too busy to be bothered with reading emails and mail. We use the circular file for most of our mail before reading important notices. We delete emails before we read them, or better yet, we 'skim' them so that we can say we read them when really we have no idea what the email really said.

We don't sweat the details and in turn, we end up, like my neighbor just sweating more. Little things become big things or at least larger inconveniences when we don’t handle them.

My neighbor, who didn’t have time to read, had time to take all that garbage out just so he could turn around and take it all back just so he could bring it back out today. How many meetings have been missed because someone didn’t have time to read the update? How much time have you had to spend getting someone up to speed on a project because they didn’t have time to read the emails and the memos?

The irony is that most of the email/mail that we don’t have time to read wouldn’t take that long in the first place.

Take the time to do it right so you don’t have to take the time to do it again.

A.W.E – Amazing WOW Experience

Last week, I had a truly A.W.E.-inspiring moment. A summer storm had just passed, intense with its displays of electrifying lightning and booming thunder and over almost as soon as it began. After it passed, I grabbed the leash and took the Marty for a walk.

I saw it immediately – a beautiful rainbow arching in the sky. It was gorgeous. I stared at it the entire time. Midway through the walk, I noticed something else, a second faint rainbow, almost like a shadow over the first. A double-rainbow! I didn’t have my real camera with me but I did have my camera phone and I quickly tried to capture it. The photo is okay but it just didn’t do justice to what I saw with my own eyes.

It is truly a gift to keep your sense of wonder and awe into adulthood. It’s one of the things I appreciate most about my dad. At 72, he still has experiences that make him say, “Wow!” Others have lost their sense of wonder and find awe and wow beneath them. As adults, they discount these moments, labeling them immature or irrational or just plain silly. My heart goes out to those people.

I remember driving across country some years ago. I had stopped for the night in Albuquerque, NM. The next morning, I got up very early and hit the road again, several hours before sunrise. I drove out of the city and into the night. And then, it happened. A.W.E. Outside of the city, driving into darkness, the sky opened up. I saw twice as many stars as I had ever seen before and they were all about five times as big! It was almost as if I could reach out and touch them. I felt like I was driving in space! I was A.W.E.-struck. It was amazing.

I could sit here and recount some of my most A.W.E.-inspiring moments – an unexpected elephant sighting in South Africa, watching dolphins playing in the ocean, marveling at the tininess of a newborn’s hand, the beauty of a sunset or a perfect rose dappled with several raindrops. My point is that A.W.E. happens and it happens all around us.

A.W.E. can happen anywhere at any time we just have to be aware of it and willing to experience it.

2 Eyes, 2 Ears, 1 Mouth

My Dad used to tell me, "You have two eyes, two ears and one mouth, so you should watch and listen twice as much as you talk." A lot of us, myself included like to do the reverse. We like to talk twice as much as we watch and listen. Yet, there is a serious lesson we can learn from Dad.

Words, in the right hands, can inform, inspire and enlighten. Words, in the wrong hands, can deceive and mislead. Even those without nefarious intent can manipulate words, but the truths can be revealed through carefully and objectively watching their actions and really listening to what they say.

We've all heard the adage that actions speak louder than words and they do. Often we don't want to honestly evaluate what those actions are saying because it would lead to disappointment or heartbreak. So we close our eyes and plug our ears to the truth.

What are you looking for with your two eyes? You are looking for congruency. You are looking for actions that support what the person is saying. Do they do what they said they would do? Do they keep the promises they make? Are their actions in line with their words?

What are you listening for with your two ears? Are they constantly explaining themselves or justifying their behaviors? Are they really supporting you or are their words subtly (or not so subtly) discouraging or hurtful? Have you caught them in lies? Have you caught them backtracking or double-talking? Have they spoken the truth and told you how they feel and you just didn't want to hear it?

Sometimes the truth of a situation or a person's character or desires is right in front of us, we just refuse to see or hear it. At work, you see some questionable charges and your co-worker has been caught taking some expensive equipment home. She tells you she's got approval from the boss, but you can't see him giving her permission to do what she's doing. Yet, you believe her ... even though your gut tells you different. You see her questionable actions and you hear her flimsy explanations but you trust her anyway. You are letting her one mouth take precedence over what your eyes have seen and your ears have heard.

You are dating someone. You two are really connecting. You immediately see the potential in this 'relationship.' At dinner, he tells you, he really likes you but he's not looking for anything serious right now. He's said it loud and clear. Yet, you stop seeing other people and make yourself available to him exclusively. Several months down the line, you get upset when a friend tells you she saw him out with someone else. He was honest, but you chose not to hear his words.

We have to know what to look and listen for, but even more than that, we also have to be courageous enough to see what we see and hear what we hear and act accordingly.

What Is Life?

I attended a seminar recently and came across what I’m about to share with you. I tried to find out who originally wrote it. I’ve seen it attributed most frequently to Mother Teresa but I’m not so sure she wrote it. But I love it and I send my gratitude to whoever penned in!

Life is a challenge. Meet it.
Life is a gift. Accept it.
Life is an adventure. Dare it.
Life is a sorrow. Overcome it.
Life is a tragedy. Face it.
Life is a duty. Perform it.
Life is a game. Play it.
Life is a mystery. Unfold it.
Life is a song. Sing it.
Life is an opportunity. Take it.
Life is a journey. Complete it.
Life is a promise. Fulfill it.
Life is a love. Enjoy it.
Life is a beauty. Praise it.
Life is a spirit. Realize it.
Life is a struggle. Fight it.
Life is a puzzle. Solve it.
Life is a goal. Achieve it!

Recession Lessons?

There is an Allstate commercial I’ve seen frequently for a while now. In an ad called The Best Things in Life (view it here), Allstate spokesman (and former 24 President) Dennis Haysbert talks about the lessons that we’ve learned from the recession.

He says, “Who’s around the TV is more important than how big it is. Cars are not about showing how far we’ve come but for taking us where we need to go.” I understand what he’s saying but I’m not sure if we’ve really learned those lessons.

Kim, a good friend of mine, and her husband run a blog called Recession Lessons and she uses it to post great deals and incredible bargains. Kim is a huge advocate of coupons but when she broached the topic on her Facebook page, there was an immediate backlash to the idea of clipping coupons. Many people didn’t want to appear poor or look as if they were in need. Saving money was not as important as appearing as if they had money.

In spite of pay cuts and unemployment, a former co-worker and her husband are still willing to bend over backwards to make sure that their 15-year-old son has the latest and greatest i-Phone, X-Box or other electronic gadget as soon as it comes out. This is a source of pride for them.

I think the lessons he talks about in the commercial area admirable and if even a sizable minority of us learn them, we’ve made an impact. Here are some lessons, I’d like us (as a nation) to learn:

1. Put People First: People matter much more than things. Cars depreciate, neighborhoods evolve, fashions change. Good friends and strong positive relationships never go out of style. Treasure them!
2. It’s Who You Are NOT What You Have: A 60” TV is nice but it’s not necessary. As the Allstate commercials says it’s who is sitting with you watching TV and not the size of that TV that matters.
3. Have an Attitude of Gratitude: Look around and be thankful for what you have because you have more than you think. I’m not saying not to want more or better, but be appreciative of what you have.
4. Budgets Work: There is nothing wrong with having a budget, shopping sales or using coupons. Saving money should never fall out of fashion.

I guess I’m curious. What have you learned from this recession? What habits have you changed, altered or given up? Do you expect to go back to your old habits when things get better?

I Have Something to Tell You...

You’re amazing!

Really you are. I just thought I should tell you.

If I asked you to list all of your faults, shortcomings and mistakes. You wouldn’t miss a beat, you’d start rattling them off immediately. If I asked you to write them down, you could fill pages.

Yet, if I asked you to list all of your strengths and successes, you’d pause for a second. Then when you finally did begin to speak, you wouldn’t be speaking for long. You wouldn’t start scribbling furiously like you did when I asked you to write out your successes either and your list would be a lot shorter.

We live rather intimately with our shortcomings. Like a security blanket, they are always close by. We replay our mistakes and missteps in our heads over and over again. We relive our biggest failures in bold bright colors.

We own our losses and disown our wins. We blame our successes on luck. We allow other people to take more credit than they deserve. We downplay our efforts and hard work. One of the things I do frequently as a coach is remind people of their successes. I point out what has gone right and what they have done correctly. And even still people are reluctant to accept the praise and the acknowledgement.

When I point out all the hard work and effort it took for them to succeed, when I show them the talent and the tenacity they’ve displayed, they literally have to take a moment to take it all in. It’s truly an aha moment.

In your life, you have graduated high school, maybe college. You put in the time and the hard work. You have managed a successful marriage or had the courage to leave a bad one. You've raised great kids. You've been promoted. You've received raises. You have great friends. You have learned to stand up for yourself. You have taken the time to find out what matters most to you. I could go on and on. And, if you stop to think about it, so can you.

On the ladder of success, there is always another rung to climb, and we are always climbing. As soon as we’ve made one step up, we immediately begin to tackle the next. It’s a good idea to stop climbing occasionally and take a look back down to see just how many rungs you’ve climbed, you are probably a lot higher up than you think.

Savor your successes for a moment … then continue the climb.

Crush the Rush

Once we get out of bed, in a rush to get dressed. It’s a mad dash to get to work and once you get there a lot of time you are running from meeting to meeting. At the end of the day, you rush home, blow through an errand or two, gulp down dinner, blaze through what’s left of your evening, and plop into bed exhausted, just so you can get up and do it all over again.

By Friday you are wondering where the week went. What’s really sad is that the weekend is no better. You find yourself Sunday evening asking where the weekend went!

Rushing has ruined many a day and a frantic morning can set the tone for the rest of your day. You know what they say, an ounce of prevention beats a pound of the cure. So here are a few of my favorite personal tips to help you crush the rush and get success over your stress!

Take five: I take five minutes (sometimes less) to lay out my clothes and accessories the night before. Get your kids in the habit of doing this as well.

Put It in Its Place: I make sure my keys are on the little high table near my door and that my purse is in the kitchen ready to go. Anything I need in the morning has a specific place and after I’ve gotten my clothes together, I make sure all of those items are where they should be. No frantic searching for misplaced items in the morning. If you have young kids make sure your places are high enough up that they can’t reach them.

Quick Fix: I love, love, love my Steamfresh veggies and side dishes. I throw a bag in the microwave and five minutes later, I have steamed broccoli or green beans or even nice little vegetable medleys. Mmm, mmm good! I’m loving them even more now that I can get rice, pastas and even potato dishes in Steamfresh too. When they go on sale, I make sure I stock up!

Eliminate Morning Emailing: I do not turn my computer on in the morning! Nothing sucks up your precious morning time like a ‘quick check ‘of your email. If you must, add another 20 minutes to the step below.

Ouch: This is going to sound ugly but get up 10 minutes earlier. I know, you are saying to yourself, “I’m not a morning person!” Neither am ! Just 10 extra minutes in the morning can give you just enough time to avoid the mad dash that can color our whole day if we let it.

Little changes can make a big difference to improve your mood and help you enjoy your day that much more!

Hard to Say “I’m Sorry”

Two words that are hard for people to say and sometimes even hard to hear “I’m sorry.” Admitting that you made a mistake, hurt someone’s feelings or caused in some way hurt or pain, can be difficult, but it can be done. In fact, sometimes it needs to be done. It’s difficult to move forward from hurt to healing or from pain to positivity without an apology of some sort.

I know people who have waited for decades to hear that priceless phrase. Yet, their satisfaction has been denied. On the other hand, I know people who carry the guilt that goes with an unsaid apology, knowing what needs to be said but not knowing how to say it or even wear to begin.

If you are the one who needs to apologize, there are a few questions you need to ask first. For one, are you truly apologetic for what you’ve done? Unless you genuinely want to right a wrong or correct your actions, you shouldn’t apologize. An apology born out of what you think you should do and not out of what you feel needs to be done is not an apology. For example, if you don’t believe you are wrong but someone else suggests that you are and that an apology is in order, then don’t apologize.

A second question would be, “Do you know what you are apologizing for?” A man comes home from work and says to his wife, “I’m sorry.” She asks what he’s sorry for. He responds, “I don’t know but I’m sure I’ve done something I should apologize for.” In most cases, he’s just made a bad situation worse. Be clear and specific about what was done and why you are offering an apology. Blanket apologies do not work.

Now, if you are the one who feels deserving of an apology, there are two things I want you to know.

The first is simple to say and hard to hear (or read in this case). Your apology may never come. Some people wait a lifetime for an apology and never get it. You can’t wait for an apology to give you permission to move on. You cannot tie your healing to something that unpredictable. Find another way. Look for other means of getting what you need to go forward.

Finally, you can accept an apology without accepting the behavior or the person. An abusive man will apologize and might even be truly sorry. When caught in a lie, the habitual liar will usually apologize but that doesn’t mean they won’t do the same thing again. You can accept that apology and refuse to accept the behavior or the relationship. Your well-being and your health – physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental – comes first. Accept an apology but don’t allow it to be the key that unlocks the door to future abuse, mistreatment and hurt.

An Ounce of Prevention

Benjamin Franklin said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” In the health field, this is fairly obvious. It’s easier to prevent a disease than to cure one. Better to eat right, exercise and keep a decent weight than it is to treat the diabetes or heart disease that comes from a life time of unhealthy choices.

Of course, the ounce of prevention adage works in other areas as well. Ask the renter who lost all of her possessions and didn’t have renters insurance. Ask the worker who made a very good living but chose to spend everything she made, without even thinking about saving, a few weeks after she gets the pink slip. Ask the frustrated mom on the side of the road after her minivan has broken down, the one who didn’t think getting the oil changed was that much of a big deal.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure but (and I’m on a roll with these old sayings) hindsight is also 20/20. As she stands in the ramshackled living room that $20 a month for the renters insurance doesn’t sound too bad. Likewise, saving and getting routine car maintenance would make a lot of sense in the face of the lay-off or an unexpected breakdown.

The trick is to use that ounce of prevention before those bad things happen.

I think we aren’t concerned about prevention because we just don’t think that bad thing (whatever it is) will happen to us. Sure people are losing jobs but you are okay. They need you. Don’t they? And your car, it’s just fine. Isn’t it?

When that dreaded event happens, we are blindsided. I was one of those people I didn’t have renters insurance. I never saved for a rainy day and I let my car go without maintenance for far too long. Yet after years of being hardheaded, I learned to look for the ounces of prevention because a pound of cure can be expensive!

The ounce of prevention can cost too – in both time and money. Insurance isn’t free and car maintenance certainly isn’t. It does take time to locate and compare policies and to take the car to be serviced. Saving some money isn’t nearly as much fun as spending (at least to me) but these are small costs when you consider the alternative.

Look for areas where you can find those ounces of prevention and when you find them, take action. Because an ounce of prevention won’t do you any good once you need a pound (or more) of cure.