The Silent Wheel

Everyone knows that ‘the squeaky wheel gets the grease.’ In other words, the one that complains the loudest or causes the most grief gets the attention and, often, the results. In school, it’s the biggest disciplinary problems that get the special programs; it’s the most disruptive students that get attention in class. In the world of retail, it’s the loudest complainer in the restaurant or store that is immediately catered to. The angry customer is the one who will get the refunds and the extra perks. In the home environment, it is often the most difficult child who receives the most attention.


My question is, what about the wheels that don’t squeak? What about the kids who come to school (sometimes against great odds) who want to learn, who avoid getting in trouble and see  value in education? What about the customer who makes their concerns known without bothering to raise a big stink about it? What happens to the ‘good’ siblings who aren’t always in crisis mode or creating emergency situations? Who really cares for these silent bystanders who seem to be penalized for NOT causing problems?


I think, on a certain level, these people who play by the rules are caught in a thankless trap. On the one hand, the assumption is that since they aren’t complaining that they don’t need help. To take that a step further, they don’t need the encouragement, support or attention that their squeaky counterpart needs.


On the other hand, the other assumption is that these people will take care of themselves. Things will somehow work out for them. They will be okay. They don’t need any extra help or encouragement. 


First of all, everyone needs support and encouragement. When people who play by the rules consistently see all of the attention paid and support given to the rule breakers, the question then becomes, why bother to play by the rules. This is especially true with children and adolescents. What is the benefit for doing the right thing when the wrong thing is rewarded with time, attention, encouragement and support? 


There are countless programs aimed at ‘at-risk’ kids and I’m not saying there isn’t a need for such programs. What I am saying is where are the programs for the C and B students who come to school every day, who pay attention, who do their homework. What lesson are we teaching these kids who want to do the right thing?


I have seen many situations where the siblings who manage to finish school, maintain jobs and start families hardly get any acknowledgement for their efforts; while they watch in helpless frustration, their parents continually run to the aid of the sibling who stays in legal, financial and relationship trouble. Does that sibling need extra help? Certainly, he does. However, those other siblings deserve some time, encouragement and attention as well.


In the most extreme situations, the silent wheel has to start squeaking to finally get the attention they crave. And to me, that is extremely desperate and sad. The silent wheel shouldn’t have to engage in squeaky negative behavior to get some attention.

The Battle: Need vs. Want

As I’ve mentioned in this blog many times before, most of my adult life, I have grappled with a serious spending problem. Part of that problem arose from the fact that I had a hard time distinguishing between what I needed and what I wanted.


I was very good at blurring the line between the two. If I really wanted something, I could convince myself that I didn’t just want it but I truly needed it. Of course, I needed that specific pair of black shoes because the almost identical pair I had were practically worn out (actually they had a scuff mark). The books and CDs I bought were necessary because they were on sale and I wouldn’t get that deal later. I needed to make that purchase now while it was practical.


I could do the same thing about weight loss. If my body was craving something then on some level my body must need it. Besides, I had worked out that day, right?


When I lost my job, the definition between needs and wants went from being some blurry, nebulous concept to something that was in stark and clear focus. I didn’t need that extra pair of shoes because it was extra and extra wasn’t a need, it was a want.


I stopped thinking in terms of what I ‘deserved’ and began thinking about what I could afford. Sure, it was frustrating because the things I couldn’t afford were things I felt I truly did deserve but I really couldn’t afford them and what I could afford became the priority.


As I began to apply this concept to my money and my purchases, I also started applying it to other areas of my life.

• I didn’t need a slice of red velvet cake, I wanted it and I could do without it.
• I didn’t need a new computer, I needed to take better care and do some maintenance on the one I had.
• I didn’t need to visit my friends in another city, I wanted to see them but for now, I could make more of an attempt to call and email them more often.

When I could afford something I wanted, I realized that I put a lot more thought into it. My decisions were no longer based on an emotional reaction or an impulse. Sure, occasionally, I do act emotionally or impulsively but those instances are becoming a lot less frequent. They are definitely not habitual or routine anymore.


I’ve learned that in many cases my wants can wait.

Work-Life Balance? Maybe.

Lately, I’ve had to work a ridiculous number of hours at my day job to complete a major project. It’s really got me thinking about this concept called work-life balance. Since the past six weeks have been decidedly unbalanced, I think this is a great time to cover this concept and the three things I have realized.

1.      Being out of balance sometimes is part of being in balance. In other words, balance isn't perfection. It isn’t a perfectly divided pie. It’s part of life and life is messy and never symmetrical. For six weeks, my work took precedence and that was fine for me because there was an end date. At other times, my family and my health have taken precedence. That’s fine too as long as I’m dealing with a temporary situation and not a permanent life change.

2.      As soon as possible, reestablish old routines. I routinely get up at 5:00 AM, go upstairs and work out. I follow that up with prayer and meditation and then head back downstairs to get ready for work. I love this routine. It keeps me focused, sane and on track. However, being at work by 6:00 AM made this impossible. However, as soon as possible, I got back to it. My body and mind thank me for it.

3.      Do what you can, nothing more, maybe a bit less. While I was burning the morning and midnight oils, my blogging took a back seat. I spend weekends on the sofa instead of running a long list of errands and tasks. I realized that I could only do so much, so I accepted that. I was too tired and frazzled to do everything I had been doing. Working out in the evening would have been nice, but frankly, I didn't have the energy. Instead, I tried to focus on not eating too much junk. That much I could do.

The moral of the story is life happens. Part of being balanced is being flexible and realizing that what balance looks like will change from day-to-day. And that is okay. There will be times when one area takes a lion’s share of your time. Do what you can with the rest. But start by being gracious and realistic enough to recognize your limits and your limitations.

Flying By

It seems like this year has flown by. We are in the first few steps of the march towards the end of the year. It happens so fast, which is why it’s important to slow down and savor life right now. We won’t have that chance again.

I have a friend who is a true workaholic. She wears her 16 hour days like a badge of honor. In her estimation, it’s a good thing that her boyfriend broke up with her because he couldn’t handle her schedule. It’s a good thing that she catches every bug that comes around and works through it (she’s a trooper!) … it means she’s working hard. It’s a good thing that she doesn’t have time to rest or eat right. Health can wait.

I often wonder what she’s working for. What is the end game? I’m not saying that work isn’t important and that we shouldn’t give it 100% but I do think that we have to have a little bit of perspective about it. It’s been said that no one on their death bed ever wished they’d spent more time at work.

Life, like a year, goes by quickly, and before we know it, we’ve got more years behind us than ahead of us. In what seems like a blink of an eye, the kids go from diapers to school to college. Time truly waits for no one.

So use your vacation time. Enjoy some time with family. Work a little fun or relaxation into your schedule. Don’t put off every date night or plan to visit the parents at some nebulous time in the future.

Investing a little time today can save a lifetime of regrets tomorrow.

Take a Technology Fast

Cell phones, email, text messaging, status updates, tweeting, for many of us, from the moment we awake until we go to sleep, we are ‘connected’. On an episode of Dr. Phil, one woman was so addicted to texting that she stopped in the middle of intimate relations with her husband to read and respond to a text. Don’t even get me started on all of the near-miss accidents I have had because someone couldn’t be bothered to look away from the phone and actually watch the road! It’s getting to be a little much.

These technological wonders have become a part of our lives, mostly for the better, but still, our dependence is a little bit scary. So many churches and other organizations have started what they call technology fasts. The most practical ones for me are evening fasts. If you need emails and cell phones for work or to track the kids down, that’s one thing.

Yet the idea of an evening fast intrigued me. An evening fast starts when you get home from work, and ends the next morning. For those hours, there is no:

• Television
• Internet
• Phone usage (land line or cell)
• Texting
• Video Games
• GPS Systems

For an evening, you are technologically free. You can read. You can meditate. You can talk to your family members. You can take a walk. You can play with the kids. You can write in a journal. You can paint, sing, draw … but you can’t utilize technology.

Of course this does take some planning. You won’t want to do it when you have a project due or a test scheduled for the next day, but you do want to find some time to do it.

I did it for several days during a recent vacation. I found it to be liberating and calming. Perfect for a vacation! Yet, I decided to do it one evening a week when I returned home – that has proved a little more challenging.

Try it just for one evening and let me know how it goes.

Words of Wisdom

As one of the few people in the country who do not own an Apple product, I still recognize the loss of a titan, Steve Jobs, who changed the way we live from computers to music and even movies. In 2005, he gave the commencement speech at Standord University. It's long for a blog post but very much worth the time it takes to read it. And who knows, there could be an iPad or IPod in my future!

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I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course."

My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.

What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Life Lessons: The Better Test

September is a reflective time for me. As I turn 43 this month, I started thinking about some Life Lessons I’ve learned over the years and thought I’d share them.

The Better Test is simple. Look at your life – the people, activities and events – and ask yourself if this person or thing makes you a better person in some way, shape or form. If they do, great! If they don’t, start moving them out of your life.

I had a ‘friend’ that didn’t pass the test. We’d been friends since childhood but had grown apart. I realized that she did not rejoice in my successes and she seemed to revel in my failures and my low points. She was always critical and negative about things I wanted to do and almost seemed to resent me in a passive-aggressive way. When I looked at the totality of our relationship, I realized that this person consistently sabotaged me and tried to make me question and feel bad about myself.

She failed the test. Slowly, I started to move her from my inner circle to the outer circle. We still talk from time to time but we aren't nearly as close as we used to be and that was my decision.

When it comes to relationships, ask yourself the following questions.

• Does this person motivate me to do and be more? Are they supportive of me?
• Do they share my interests?
• Do they make me laugh and help me see things from another perspective?
• Are they there to help me up when I fall down?
• Do they tell me the truth when I need to hear it?
• Can I count on this person to be there for me?
• Do they get me?

If those are too many questions to ask, here’s an easier way to apply the test. Ask yourself how you feel when you leave this person’s company. Are you happy? Have you enjoyed your time with them? Or, are you frustrated? Do they leave you doubting yourself, feeling insecure or just plain drained?

I’m not saying you should summarily dismiss a good friend who’s going through a rough time, but I am saying to look at the people in your life and ask if they generally add something positive to it. If not, quietly move them out of your inner circle.

The same applies to the job you have and the activities you engage in. Does your job challenge you? Are you learning new things? How is the work environment? How do you feel when you head home at the end of the day? Being tired is one thing, but leaving stressed, upset, angry or frustrated on a consistent basis is something else all together. 

If you are volunteering or engage in social activities, do you enjoy them or are you just there out of obligation? Do you like the people you are dealing with? Do you look forward to participating in your activity or do you dread it? If you dread it or don't enjoy it consider not doing it.

My goal is to surround myself with people, events and activities that make me a better version of myself. Even if a friend is just there to make me laugh, that is a good thing and I appreciate. Everyone in my inner circle is there for a reason. Hopefully, I'm in their inner circle for a reason too.

Think of your life as a play – a one-man or woman show. You are the star. You want to fill your first two rows with those who have scored highest on the Better Test. These are your biggest fans. These are the ones who clap the loudest and who really want you to deliver a tour-de-force performance. Let the people who might boo or walk of the performance, sit in the back ... way in the back. Those are the ones who have failed the test. 

For a better life experience, surround yourself with people who pass the Better Test.

Thankfully Thursday!

Today is Thursday, which has become in many offices across the country, Thankfully Thursday. You know, the day that comes after Hump Day (Wednesday) and just before Thank God It’s Friday. After that, we have two days away from work before we have to come down with a Case of the Mondays when we realize that we have to do it all over again. Is this any way to live?

Many of us, myself, at times, included, seem to trudge through the weekdays so that we can make it to the weekend, but what happens then? Many times we are overrun with weekend activities that have us exhausted by Sunday night or we squander that time doing nothing and complaining about how we wish there was more to do.

When I realized that I was spending five days of my week in anticipation of two (that I didn’t cherish that much once they were here), I challenged myself to be more proactive and started asking myself some questions.

• What could I do during the week to add some fun to my day?
• What did I have at work I could look forward to?
• What part of my job did I enjoy the most?
• If I’m going to look forward to the weekend, what am I going to look forward to doing with that time?

Asking these questions, and coming up with a few answers,  made the work days a little more bearable (and dare I say, at times, enjoyable) and the weekends started to become something to really look forward to.

Is every day full of meaning and satisfaction? Of course not, but I do have more enjoyment and satisfaction than I did before. Is every weekend a wild whirlwind of adventure? No, but what I choose to do with that time, I choose to do consciously, even if it’s just sleeping in or getting caught up on some house work.

Every day is a gift and it can’t be returned so we might as well make the most of it.

Balancing Act

There is a lot of talk about balance. Juggling responsibilities, making time for work, family, friends, social obligation and, of course, self. But what does balance look like?

Well, I don't know. But, I'll tell you this much. It isn't perfect. Many people view balance as a pie with perfectly equal slices. Or a scale with both sides in perfect balance. Nothing could be further from the truth.

My definition of balance is making some time for the things that matter most. Sure you might like a weekly date night with the spouse or a monthly girls'(or guys') night out. It would be great to have hours a day to spend with the kids but the truth of the matter is that life will often prohibit that from happening.

Work demands, long commutes, errands, chores and the business of life encroach on our time. So to me balance is more about quality than quantity.

You might not be able to have date night every week but you can have some down time to talk at the end of the night or even have some nice conversations on the cell phone in traffic. You might not have hours a day with the kids but you can make the time you have count. You might love to curl up on an afternoon with a book but that's a luxury you cannot afford.

True balance is recognizing the ebb and flow of life. There will be times when work demands or family concerns are increased and you have to cut back in other areas. That's okay. Do what you can with what you have. When the crunch passes increase the amount of time for other tasks.

The key to balance isn't perfect symmetry and alignment. It's finding a way to incorporate the things that matter into your life in a way that gives you a little happiness and peace.

It Shouldn't Matter ... But It Does

A few weeks ago, as I was walking my dog, I approached two young men who had recently moved onto my street. One had on a white tank top and a pair of long baggy shorts that hung low revealing the gray plaid boxers he wore beneath them.

I didn’t know if I should have recoiled in horror or laughed out loud at what happened next. As I approached them, the young man’s shorts begin to slowly slide down the sides of his skinny frame. They glided passed his butt and down his thighs. They went as far as his knees before he casually pulled them up.

I had never seen this kid before. I didn’t know him. He didn’t know me. Yet, he felt perfectly comfortable revealing his undergarments in their entirety right in front of me, a stranger, and anyone else who happened to be passing by.

To me, it wasn’t cool. It wasn’t cute and it definitely wasn’t sexy! In my eyes, he looked foolish and sad. While volunteering at a local job readiness program, I’d met countless men like him. Men in their teens and 20’s (sometimes older) who didn’t own a decent pair of pants and in some cases didn’t know what size they actually wore.

Unable to find work, the frustration these men feel is real. They would say to me, “What I wear shouldn’t matter.” Maybe it wouldn’t in a perfect world; but this is not a perfect world. We live on Earth and not in Utopia.

All of us are guilty of pre-judging someone … especially based on appearance. It might not be fair but it’s true. Until we as a people learn to judge people solely by the content of their character, we’ll have to deal with this unpleasant reality. How we look matters. How we carry ourselves makes a difference.

I’m not saying that we should all run out and get break the bank on designer clothes but we should take pride in our appearance and realize when it does play a role. If my new neighbor and those looking for work must wear their pants low and expose their underwear (and I personally wish they wouldn’t), they should recognize that there is a time and place for that outfit and it isn’t on the job or at a job interview. They will be pre-judged.

I’ll even take it a step further. Our outlook about ourselves change when our appearance changes. After battling a long illness, many female patients on the road to recovery will ask for a tube of lipstick. They start to care about their appearance again. Since they have begun to feel better, they want to look better too.

People who work from home are often advised to ‘dress’ for work. Maybe they don’t have to adhere to a strict dress code but they should at least get out of their PJs! Why? Appearance affects mood and dressing for work helps make a mental distinction between the personal and the professional, between work and home.

The outside doesn’t matter nearly as much as who we are on the inside; but that doesn’t mean that the outside doesn’t matter at all.

Little Things Mean a Lot

My mother died of complications from diabetes when I was fifteen. She spent the last two years of her life in and out of the hospital and she also lost her sight. I learned a number of lessons from that experience. One, we are not promised even one more day. Two, bad things happen to good people and we may never know why. Three, life is short and we have to live life now because later may never come. Finally, what I want to write about today, I learned to have an appreciation for the little things.

Every day, I find something to marvel at: a luminous full moon, a colorful sunrise, a warm, sweet cup of hot tea or (in the summer) an cold glass of iced tea, playing with my dog Marty or just driving with the windows down. One of my happiest moments occurred when I attempted to take a long weekend in Virginia Beach. I went by myself and it was around my birthday ... towards the end of September. The busy season was over but the days were still hot, warm and long. Unfortunately, through a series of unexpected events, I had to cut my trip short and I was devastated. I had really needed the time away.

Before I got into my car and headed back, I decided to take a long walk on the beach. I noticed it getting more and more overcast but I didn't care. I love walking on the beach. So I kept going, feeling the sand between my toes and the water splashing on my feet. I closed my eyes and felt the wind on my face. I took deep breaths of sea air. I felt really good. I found the perfect peace I'd been looking for right before I had to head home!

Anyway, I felt a drop or two of rain on my face. As I turned to look back, I realized that I was far away from my hotel and my car. Not wanting to be a human lightning rod, I decided to walk back via the boardwalk.

As I headed back, the sprinkles became light showers. The light showers gave way to a steady rain. Not long after that, the steady rain became a downpour. Unlike most people, I like rain. I like it a lot. I laughed out loud as I continued to walk outside in the pouring rain while everyone else ran for shelter. I'm sure I looked crazy. I didn't care. I was still enveloped in that perfect peace.

I got to my car soaking wet but it didn't bother me. I knew I created a memory that would last me a lifetime. A memory made up of a million little things.

It's Almost 2011!

My mom died when I was 15, so I must have been about 12 when we had a conversation that has stuck with me for years.

We were talking about driving. I was bursting at the seems to get behind the wheel of a car and four years seemed like an eternity.

My mom laughed and said, "You are in such a hurry. You want to drive. You want to go to graduate from high school and you aren't even there yet! You're already thinking about college. For you, time is moving too slowly; but trust me, once you get around 25, you will be surprised at how time will fly."

I looked at her, as I often did at that age, with a look that said, "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Yet, I often hear her words in my head. It seems like yesterday that we were scared of Y2K. Would the banks lose all of our money? Should we really be storing water and canned goods. Should we just party like it's 1999?

But here we are ... over a decade into "The New Millenium"

In 2011, we will commemorate the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. I remember exactly where I was that day (working in DC from a building where I could see the Pentagon in the distance) and it doesn't seem like it was almost a decade ago.

Whether you make resolutions or not, I think we all need to resolve to savor a little bit more of life in the new year. It passes by too fast to just spend time working, worrying and waiting for something better to come along.

Laugh harder
Love deeper
Dream more
Enjoy more moments
Live fuller!

It's Easy!

While browsing at the library a few months ago, I stumbled across a book that piqued my interest. It was dog-earred and worn, so I knew it wasn't new. It's rugged exterior let me know that it had been read ... probably by more than a few people.

The book was Meditation Made Easy by Lorin Roche. Now, for me, meditation has never been easy. Clearing my mind of everything while sitting in an uncomfortable position and repeating some sound (that too me sounded and felt silly) just was never worth the trouble. Yet, I knew, I felt, that it would be good to be able to just quiet my frantic mind for a minute or two. Meditation could help.

I checked out the book and it made a huge difference. Roche starts by dispelling a lot of meditation myths.

1. You don't have to empty your mind.

2. You don't have to sit perfectly still or assume some yoga-looking position.

3. You don't have to chant.

Roche starts his medititation techniques right where you are - helping you develop your own methods and rituals.

Start by finding a place where you feel comfortable - you can sit, stand or even lay down. If you want play soothing music or just appreciate the silence.

His most basic technique involves doing nothing for about five minutes. All you do is sit quietly for five minutes. That's it. Let thoughts enter and exit your mind. Listen to the sounds around you. Observe your surroundings. Just be for five minutes.

Another technique is called the Salute to the Senses. Focus on one sense for 5 to 10 minutes.

Take your sight for example. Sit in a room and focus your eyes on something for roughly 30 seconds or so. Take in the color, the shape, look at the details and then shift your focus to another object. Do this for about five minutes.

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee: If you are a coffee (or tea) drinker, take a few moments to savor your coffee. Make it a meditative experience. Feel the warmth of the coffee in your hands, Take in the scent. Sip it slowly as you taste it and feel the sensations of taste and warmth.

Lorin Roache makes meditation easy by dispelling the myths and allowing you to take almost any experience and create a meditative moment.

This book did a create job of introducing me to meditation. So far, I've gone from 2-3 minutes to 15 minute sessions. I feel more focused and more relaxed. My routines might not work for everyone but they work for me.

Now I'm meditating and that's something I never thought I'd do!

Karyn's Coming Back

I don’t talk a lot about my life because that isn’t the focus of this blog. This has been a difficult year. Coaching is a very part-time endeavor for me and I lost my day job on September 11, 2009. For the first time since high school, I didn’t have a job which sent me into an emotional, financial and physical tailspin.

I did what I could taking action every day contacting temp agencies and head hunters, scouring job boards, networking, trying to drum up freelance writing assignments, and looking for paying coaching clients.

I also reached out to my support system, close friends and several family members, to help me stay focused and get me through the more difficult days. I also started volunteering which helped immensely. It got me out of the house and out of my funk. It got the focus off of me and allowed me to do what I love (training) while helping others. Ironically, I volunteered for a job readiness training program. I was helping others find work!

Despite these positive efforts, this had still been an exceedingly difficult year, the hardest of my adult life. I would love to be the perfect coach and tell you that I didn’t cry a lot and that I never worried or threw myself a few big ole pity parties but I’d be lying.

I did all of those things … a lot. I also stopped doing a lot of self-care. I snapped back into an old habit of emotional eating. My workouts became haphazard as my insomnia kicked in. I was depressed. I was upset. I was frustrated and it took its toll.

Fortunately, after almost 10 months, I found work. I started at the end of June. However, I quickly realized that having a job that I enjoyed (and a decent paycheck) was just the beginning. There was (and is) definitely a light at the end of this long tunnel but right now it’s still pretty far away.

I have nine months of extra debt to dig myself out of. And, right now, I’m emotionally exhausted. It is just about all I can do to keep my blogs and newsletter up and running. Being a Google Girl, I looked up remedies for emotional exhaustion and I didn’t like what I found. Everything reinforced the importance of ‘self-care’ – eating right, sleeping, moderate exercise and making time for relaxation. I couldn't find a quick and easy fix and that is what I was wanted!

So a couple of weeks ago, I got tired of being tired. I made my self-care a priority again. I started drinking my water, getting my fruits and vegetables in and making a good nights sleep a priority. I started back to daily exercise and even added in some time in the morning for prayer and mediation.

Here it is two weeks later and I have to tell you, I am feeling better. I am sleeping better. I'm looking better. And I’m not as tired as I was. I am writing this to tell you that self-care really does make a difference! It works!

I’m not out of the woods yet. I do find myself worrying some time and other times I feel completely overwhelmed, but those times are becoming fewer and further between. Slowly, but surely, I’m beginning to feel like I can do this. I’m feeling like myself again and that feels good.

It's All About You

Sometimes it’s about your work, your co-workers or your boss. Often it’s about your family, being a good parent, child or sibling. Other times, it’s about other obligations and relationships – friends, church, social activities. But to paraphrase an old Janet Jackson song, “What have you done for you lately?” If you can’t be good to yourself, it won’t be long before you won’t be good for anyone and anything else either.

Normally, when we talk about self care, the focus is on the physical: eating right, exercising, getting enough rest or it could be about pampering yourself with bubble baths or massages or manicure (all still very physical).

All of those things are important but self care is about so much more. It can be as easy as A-B-C!

Advocacy. You are your own best advocate. Only you know what you want, what you need and what truly matters to you, so speak up! State your needs. Do not assume that people know what you want.

Boundaries. Part of advocating yourself is setting clear boundaries. Most people don’t set boundaries because they are afraid of what others might say, think or do. Hurt feelings normally pass and you will be surprised how many people won’t be hurt by your decisions. If it’s just too hard to say no, counter with an offer that works best for you.

Connection. There are a number of ways to connect and you know kind of connection you need: spiritual, social, familial. Human beings are social beings. We need to connect to others and we need to connect to ourselves (spiritually and emotionally). Connections enrich our lives!

Memories Are Made of This

We live in a time where we, arguably, have more of just about everything. We have access to more information than any previous generation. We eat more. We work more. We travel more. We have more things: iPhones, Blackberrys, laptops, desktops, televisions, and Wiis. The average woman owns between 19-22 pairs of shoes (I guess the women I know are above average because they have a lot more than that!). On the street where I live, half of the homes have cars permanently parked in their driveways because their garages are overflowing with things, stuff and whatsamagigs. Yet, we seem to be more dissatisfied than ever before. And I believe there is a simple reason for that.

Things ≠ Happiness

If things made us happy, we would all be dancing giddily down the street, everyday. But, we aren’t. Relationships fail at an astounding rate. There seems to be more distance between parents and children than ever before. Job satisfaction is at an all-time low. Basically, too many people are walking around grouchy and disgruntled.

When I think about my fondest memories, none of them are ‘thing’ related. I remember my Dad teaching me how to hand-dance. I remember my mother making me laugh so hard that I cried and how embarrassing it was to watch her do her ‘car-dance’ while we were at a stop light. I remember doing karaoke with one of my closest friends. I remember walking on the beach, alongside the ocean during a warm summer rain.

If you don’t believe me, ask your children or your significant other about their fondest memories of you. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Don’t get me wrong. Things, in and of themselves, are not bad. It’s the relentless pursuit of things to the exclusion of all else that causes the problem. Life should be more than just getting more stuff. There are other things that matter.

• How you treat people matters
• What you do for yourself matters
• Your values matter
• How you feel about yourself matters
• What you do for others matters

Dedicate a little time everyday to something that matters. Play with the kids. Talk to the spouse. Take a walk by yourself. Laugh with a friend. These are the things from which memories are made.

Summertime and the Livin's Easy!

Two summers ago I went on a cruise with my family. Five days of relaxation and fun in the sun. Just being on the cruise would have been enough but I decided I wanted to do something different. I wanted to do something fun and new. So I went parasailing in Key West, a first for me. And, I went horseback riding in Cozumel, something I hadn’t done since elementary school!

I had several wonderful experiences that I would have never had if I had stayed comfortably in my comfort zone. I ventured out and had a blast. None of my family went parasailing but several went horseback riding. We created some wonderful memories that day!

Summer is upon us. We have warm weather and the longest days of the year to look forward to. The kids are out of school, vacations are scheduled and beaches, amusement parks, and lakes abound. Enjoy this time. Take advantage of this time. Be comfortable but also do something that takes you out of that comfort zone.

Jet ski, go the mountains instead of the beach or the beach instead of the mountains, take a day trip or a weekend excursion to some place you’ve always wanted to visit but never got around to, sing karaoke. Do something new, do something different, do something you haven’t done since childhood!

Do something!

Front and Center

Here we are approaching the 6th month of 2010. When you look at the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of 2010, how are you doing? The business and busy-ness of life often gets in our way and stops us from making progress on our goals. I would argue that the busy-ness and not money and not time is the number one reason we don’t pursue our goals.

I’m not suggesting that anyone abandon the kids, leave the spouse and quit the day job to pursue their passion, but I am suggesting that you make some time for your dreams and your goals. You need to make what’s important to you a priority at least some of the time.

Here are some suggestions for doing just that.

Make the time. I’m not asking for a day or even an entire afternoon but somewhere in your week, you need to find at least an hour to pursue your passion. Depending on what it is, you might need more time and that’s fine. Regardless, look at your week and find the time.

If you can’t find the time, make it. Ask your spouse to fix dinner. Work out an arrangement with a friend where you can look after each other’s children while the other gets some much needed ‘me’ time. Get creative if you have to but you can figure out something.

Write it down. I live and die by my To Do list. So much so that if I write it down, I have to do it. I hate getting to the end of the day and having an item that hasn’t been crossed off. If you share my compulsive craziness for list making, on the day when you have made the time to pursue your goal, write it down. Trust me, you’ll do it. I put exercise on my list every day and I cross it out just about every day.

Tell a Taskmaster. If you have a friend, co-worker or family member that is good at holding you accountable, share your goal with them and tell them you want them to hold you to it. It helps if this is a person you talk to or interact with on a daily basis.

Savor it. When you finally make the time and commit to doing what you said you were going to do, enjoy it. Savor that feeling of accomplishment you have when you complete that work out or get to the end of the day and realize that you did it without a cigarette. Savor the feeling of enjoyment and satisfaction you get when you have made the time for a hobby or favorite activity. Really get into that run or that hike or taking those pictures or decorating that cake.

It’s never too late to start. Take that first step today. Start making your dreams come true.

It's Good to be a Grown Up

I’ve been an adult for over 20 years now. Thank goodness, adulthood isn’t what I thought it would be! When I was younger, I thought that being grown up meant growing serious and stern. I thought adulthood and fun couldn’t be in the same equation.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot more to be serious about as an adult: jobs, children, careers, bills, retirement accounts, healthcare, insurances, cars and car repairs and the list goes on and on. Yet, we don’t have to be so serious all of the time.

I find things to laugh about on a daily basis and I’m glad about that. I have friends that I laugh with and have a good time with. I still act goofy and if you have ever pulled along side of me at a stop light when a good song is on, you know what I mean.

Bring a Little Levity Into Your Life!

1. Smile
2. Have a friend or two who have a good sense of humor. Put them on speed dial.
3. Do something you enjoy everyday
a) play with your kids
b) play with your pet
c) watch a show that makes you laugh out loud
d) listen to music that makes you move
e) find an exercise you like to do and do it
f) talk to someone who naturally makes you laugh
g) if you see something funny laugh
h) enjoy a good meal or snack
i) get enough sleep
j) subscribes to blogs or newsletters that make you smile
k) relax, leave a little earlier so you don’t have to rush. Rushing is no fun!

Myth-Busters: Independence

From the time we are born we long for independence – we want to walk on our own and ride the bike without the training wheels. As we get older, the images of independence change – driver’s license, living on our own, surviving financially without those convenient calls home for cash. We want to do it all and we want to do it all on our own. But independence can only take us so far.

The quest for independence omits one important fact – we can’t possibly do it all on our own. We don’t have the know-how to do it all. We don’t have the resources to do it all. We don’t have the time to do it all. Any kind of real success is going to take help. We need other people.

This is not a sign of failure or lack; it is an admission of truth. It is an acceptance of who we are and where we want to go. As soon as a business begins to grow, the business owner knows that he’s going to need help. He can’t be responsible for generating all the sales, making all the sales calls, handling all the manufacturing, juggling all the accounting and fiscal responsibilities while, all the while, holding the vision for the company and its leadership.

Not only can he not do all of those things, he can’t possibly do them all well. He recognizes the need for a talented sales person or a bookkeeper with a knack for numbers. By hiring people who have those talents, he’s free to focus on what he’s best at.

In high school and college, students move from teacher to teacher. The science teacher/professor is not the one to go to for English composition and the English professor probably isn’t the best source for questions about calculus.

Yet, we are often unrealistic when it comes to our own capabilities and we tend to beat ourselves up when we need to reach out and ask for that dreaded ‘h’ word, help.

In many aspects independence is enough, however, if we want to reach beyond what we are individually capable of, we need to strive for interdependence ­– a state where independent people depend on one another. My strengths augments your weaknesses and vice versa. My passion and interest compliments yours.

Together we can do things that would have never been possible on our own.